How long will my mom hate being in a nursing home for?

Alixcase, She might never understand or appreciate what it is that you tried to do for her and are now doing. You know that this is what's best for her and yourselves. Nursing homes and assisted living facilities have so much to offer these days! Try talking to the staff and see if you can't join her in an activity or 2 for awhile. Not going to see her MIGHT make the feeling of being "abandoned" more intense for her? Once she starts getting into the swing of things, you also might want to think about taking her for outtings every once in a while(if it's possible for you).

Wow, there is no easy answer to that one. The question you are asking is completely dependant on her personality, how she feels physically and how it is handled by the facility and family.

It has to be very hard to experience someone's unhappiness with a situation, but you can only manage your reactions to her feelings. Figure out the kindest way to work through her feelings and don't beat yourself up. I can say that it should not be a contest of wills, or cause you to break off ties with her. If it is heading in that direction then the staff members at that home need to step up and work with her, and you to make the transition less emotional. You've said it is a first-class facility, so they must be experienced at helping ease transitions.

Do as much as you can and work with the staff. People on this site can share their own stories, but one truth all of us know is that every situation is completely different so all we can do is the best we can while remembering to be kind to ourselves and them.

Guilt trips are the hardest burden for this caregiver to bear.
I agree with the poster above: manage your response. In your heart of hearts you know this is the best for her. Cling to that. My response is to just be firm: "this is the way it has to be. I can no longer care for you the way you need to be cared for. I know you are unhappy. So am I, but when you talk that way, you hurt my feelings." etc. Just remember, most of what she is saying is the dementia talking, not her true self. It has been a year and a half since we put our mother in a care facility. She still gives us guilt trips, still says no one is good to her, still says we just threw her away, still says we wanted to get rid of her, and on and on. What keeps me sane? Knowing that she said the very same things when I was staying with her in her home. I have to pray a lot and ask for peace of mind. God's strength gets me through tough times. I can't say that it will get better. But a positive attitude and setting aside the guilty feelings will help you cope. And that is the most important thing now. She has other caregivers. It is time to take care of yourself.

My dad went into a home (a great home our number 1 pick :-)) He doesn't know he has dementia. He is very active and strong but confused. The locked unit he is on has had to make a ton of adjustments themselves but are great. My dad wants to go home. He is dangerous at home (has left a stove on. Turned on a wrong burner) His wife has had to install inside chain locks because he wanders. Her social activities have gone to none because of his worsening confusion. He needs to be where he is but I don't think any of them like it. The guilt is tough. But crying is the most healing thing and helps to release the pain. God helps me a lot.

You've had some great responses. My input, you know it is best for her to be there. There was a time that it was HER that determined what was best for you. It is your turn now, it sucks and it hurts. Speaking from personal experience. Stay strong and stay involved..let that nursing home see that you or others can show up anytime. On that, it is the law, regardless of "visiting hours" they CANNOT deny you IMMMEDIATE access to her. Wishing you the best, Ray

I feel your pain. I am at the in-home caregiver stage and go back to work on Monday. the guilt is huge, but so is my depression and anxiety. I am thinking that I am not cut out to sit and watch my mom sleep, etc Argghh