Commented on a discussion 7/31/2010 at 11:21 pm
This site is a blessing. I am a Occupational Therapist Assistant and deal mainly with the elderly population. Let me start by saying, just because you"re in the field doesn't mean you have any more
...Read MoreThis site is a blessing. I am a Occupational Therapist Assistant and deal mainly with the elderly population. Let me start by saying, just because you"re in the field doesn't mean you have any more power. Fortunately, I have knowledge and am able to help my family understand on an intellectual level. Emotionally, however, we're learning the hard way,and our frustration has hit a new high. For the last 2 years I have been begging my mother to use her walker, remove throw rugs, do simple exercises and get a med alert button. I've explained that the majority of falls happen in the bathroom and kitchen, quite often at night. Her balance is horrible because of bone on bone arthritis and she is not suitable for knee replacement because of medical issues. She has fallen repeatedly, breaking her wrist 1 year ago and breaking 4 ribs puncturing a lung 2 months ago going the the bathroom. While in the hospital she had a psychotic break from medication. Watch out for Ativan and Morphine! I also think the drastic changes and lack of control has just exaggerated her basic personality. She tells everyone that I'm disrepectful to her, I don't visit and don't call. My mother interprests direct and honest communication as disrespect. For example, if she has another bad fall, she will have to go to a skilled nursing facility for rehab. I made this statement because she now thinks she doesn't need a cane or a walker. I also call at least twice a day and visit at least twice a week as do my brothers. My sister is at a disadvantage (or advantage depending on how you look at it) since she lives 2 states away. Mom refuses to move out of her house, refuses to move in with any of us, refuses to go to an Assisted Living. She has no problem with us running all of her errands, taking her to the doctor, mowing her lawn, washing her laundry and dishes, washing windows etc. It's a repeat of our childhood. She basically wants us to do what she tells us and keep quiet. She is not an invalid. Mom's short term memory is quite good for someone her age. She fills her med box, writes checks and talks about current issues especially politics. Mom belongs to a very strict church (I compare it to a cult) with a punishing, angry God. She feels God is punishing her constantly asking, "why me?". And becomes angry when you remind her that she is 85 years old and that very few people make it that age without some deficits. Denial is a powerful thing. Her attitude also brings up childhood demons as my mother was extremely brutal with daily physical, emotional and mental punishment My sister, brothers and I would get beat for a look on our face or something she thought we said or her intpretations of our thoughts. Our anger is just below the surface and we've just about had enough. She doesn't deserve our loyalty, we give it because we don't want to be like her. Now I can intellectualize all of this because of my training but emotionally, I'm struggling. Someone once told me that the longest distance is between the head and the heart. So true. Hang in there everyone.