Answered a question 9/6/2011 at 10:15 am
I thought this would be a difficult decision to make, but when the time came I knew it without a doubt. I cried for weeks....because I missed him and felt for him his great loss. His care had gotten
...Read MoreI thought this would be a difficult decision to make, but when the time came I knew it without a doubt. I cried for weeks....because I missed him and felt for him his great loss. His care had gotten to the point that every second he needed me to do everything for him and even the nights. The unpredictable became the norm. I knew I couldn't keep going like that...the constant stress and lack of sleep. Drained in every way. Dementia does not stop or improve no matter how much you try. Earlier on, my Dad came out of it for maybe 20 minutes one day and his revelation was amazing to me. He was talking urgently...told me he has a problem in his brain and wanted to know if I knew he had this problem, asked if his doctors know about it, was anyone helping him, is there a cure for this, and has he been naughty. I was in shock and could hardly swallow. I answered truthfully all his questions. Promised I will always look after him, continue to handle all his financial affairs and won't leave, etc. He told me it is like a fog in his brain and he can't get through it. He can't find his way back. Slowly he slipped back into that fog, but I will never forget that short time he came back. Oh, I did lie to him about him being naughty....if he knew the things he was doing it would kill him. Like dropping his pants in the doctors crowded waiting room and reaching inside his Depends to check out his jewels! This man was always a complete gentleman before. Dementia is like being in a coma, except the person is still physically functioning to a degree. He never came out again. His short escape back to me is one of the most precious moments in my life. I thank God for that moment, because he was able to tell me his side and I was able to reassure him and confirm my love forever to him.
Putting your loved one in a good facility, when done with love, is not a cop out. They need the professional 24/7 assistance and so do you. They work shifts and you are trying to do it all with no breaks. Now I see him every other day and am able to have quality time with him. We take rides stopping for treats like ice cream, park at serene places and hold hands watching the ocean, talk about his past memories, etc. I am holding on to him with all my might and he knows it/feels my love. He is safer with professional care, because I don't know all the answers and can't identify all his needs. Oh I miss him soooo much!