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Grace (SoAlone)
Age: 43
Gender: Female

I am married with no children. My husband and I rescue animals and provide homes for them. We have 6 dogs and 20 cats.
We take in our relatives dogs and cats when they go into nursing care.
When I worked we devoted a lot of $$ to building a large outdoor safe cat "hotel" because I dreamed my whole life to rescue animals.
We give the animals a home for life. We do not rescue them and give them to another home.

I am caring for my father, Dad , who is 81 years old, living at nursing home and the primary ailment is diabetes.

I am caring for my mother, Mother, living at home and the primary ailment is cancer.

I am caring for someone, Mother in Law, who is 81 years old, living at assisted living and the primary ailment is general age-related decline.

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/1/2010 at 1:02 pm

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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Jsomebody commented 7/26/2010 at 11:23 am

Just took my pug in for vet stuff too, mm another $68 bucks more I owe my mother, that I don't and won't have...what ever. Gonna be vicious hot for a few days, already making us ill. 97 today expecte ...Read More

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fiabanes gave a hug 7/25/2010 at 1:02 am

Thanks so...you are not alone. luckily, i have mom in her own home with live in caregiver. planning to give this a try when i catch up on work and have 3 straight mornings free, (don't want caregi ...Read More

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Jsomebody gave a hug 7/23/2010 at 8:53 pm

Thank you so much for your support and words, I wonder if I am just being stupid. I was thinking if I look at rich, beautiful, spoiled people who shop like it is a calling and complain about tepid cap ...Read More

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lcs gave a hug 7/22/2010 at 1:39 pm

Hello SoAlone

I just gave you a star - I TOTALLY agree with what you said with regards to the meaning of "honour". A couple of days ago I even checked the meaning of honour in the dictiona ...Read More

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Jodigirl1000 gave a hug 7/22/2010 at 12:32 pm

God bless you and your patriot dad. It makes me mad that the elderly and families are in this struggle. Thanks VA :P (sarcasm)

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sylvester18 gave a hug 6/12/2010 at 10:43 am

Do YOU have any help? I know the pains of taking care of someone you love, how you think if only they would "cooperate", they would get well...you have to keep in mind your Dad was a man of his own, a ...Read More

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fernhubbard gave a hug 6/5/2010 at 6:47 pm

Thanks for helping me through a difficult day!

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hardebeck gave a hug 4/3/2010 at 11:35 pm

am glad its helping you , i would never known about it till my sister in law mention it to pa s dr , he said ok we could try it out , she takes them too and thats why she recomeneded it ,
...Read More

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vstefans gave a hug 3/22/2010 at 6:59 pm

your screen name says it all...
been there, done that too!
it should not be a big fight to get a loved ones meds right, but so often it is.

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SecretSister gave a hug 2/26/2010 at 7:19 am

Dear Grace, What a beautiful name you have, and after reading your posts, you certainly live up to it. I like what you said in the post about defending the church, and that's people are the ones who ...Read More

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mhmarfil commented 2/9/2010 at 7:47 pm

I agree with your comments. Me too I don't see eye to eye with my mom's relatives. I feel I have more strength and fortitude than all of them! They are all lame ducks and they like my mom when she was ...Read More

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SoAlone posted 2/9/2010 at 6:02 pm

Hug me.

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Asked a question 9/1/2010 at 10:53 pm

My dad has a severe foot ulcer and we are getting a 2nd opinion tomorrow. What questions can I ask the doctor?

He has diabetes. Dad has always healed well and quickly. He recently got an ulcer on his heel. It was getting better, got infected, got much worse, got better on IV antibiotics but now has stopped hea ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 8/18/2010 at 11:20 am

Early Grief and the Long Goodbye

The article is so true. I will even say that I believe this slow long process of watching a father or mother and the torment and pain that goes with it is far more damaging than losing a parent more quickly.
...Read More

Answered a question 8/9/2010 at 2:42 pm

What happens in the demented mind, that makes a person change behaviour and personality at specific times of the day?

There is something called Sundowners that comes upon some people in the evening. I read about it and it is hard to believe something like that can happen. I wonder if it has something to do with be ...Read More

Answered a question 8/8/2010 at 1:14 pm

What happens in the demented mind, that makes a person change behaviour and personality at specific times of the day?

Is there a medication he/she is taking at a specific time of day that is affecting them?

My dad has problems upon awakening in the mornings. And would sometimes get confused at night if he ...Read More

Answered a question 8/2/2010 at 2:44 pm

Has anyone not genuinely cared the person you have to take care of?

Jsomebody,
We care about you and support you. Please take our comments as caring and not as pushy at times. Hope you can understand why we want you to take a robe into the bath with you.
...Read More

Answered a question 7/25/2010 at 2:41 am

What is the best way to communicate with my father who has dementia and forgets how to do everything?

My dad was always clear thinking and had a very good memory. He went into a nursing home because he had lost most his eyesight and had had a stroke. But he was recovering from the stroke. He really had not problems other than his sight and his LACK OF MOTIVATION to actually get up and eat or do anything. Plus he had dream / wake confusion.
He had no bathroom issues other than danger of falling.

Then he went into a VA Home. They gave him cold and allergy medications just things like Robitussim DM, or cough medicine and he became very confused, fell, etc.... My dad cannot take these types of medications and he never did. When I asked if they had changed his meds or anything it was NO, no changes. Well after three trips to the hospital he was finally admitted, given Haldol, went completely nuts and since then they began him on anti-psychs, anti-depressants, alzheimers, etc... It was crazy. We all thought dad had had a bad stroke. but it was the cold and allergy medications and then the Haldol. All of which cause confusion and dementia (for my dad).

Finally I asked for copies of all his medical records and I could see exactly what happened. All his confusion and "dementia" started with the allergy medications. I got him admitted to the hospital after they did this a second time and got all the medications removed.

He is now back to normal mentally but he suffered some injuries during that time period he was drugged and is now off his feet. He is more depressed now because he knows what they did to him and it is hard not to be angry. He has allergy, cold, antihistimines, pseudephedrine, all as allergies because he has such a bad reaction to them but they gave them anyway and they consider these medications so harmless they said there were NO changes to me,, even as he was going downhill and they were plying him with strong cough medicine 3 times a day.

I think this is called NMS when you have a strong reaction to these kinds of over the counter and other drugs. My dad reacts by confusion, then hallucinations, then fever, then complete almost coma.

He got really bad again last month and I had to get a current copy to see what had happened and they had started him on a allergy NASAL spray.... well duh... no wonder he was looney again. stopped the spray and 2 days later he was clear again.

So yes we have stopped these kinds of medications and seen a big improvement. in my dad's case the dementia was drug induced in the first place.

Gave a hug to fiabanes 7/24/2010 at 11:58 pm

That is the way I often feel about helping my dad and fighting to keep his meds and care straight at the nursing home.... like I am not really going to make much difference in the long run... but I wi ...Read More

Answered a question 7/24/2010 at 11:53 pm

My mother asked me to move in with her to help care for her. What do I do now when she is telling me I need to get a job and that she is putting a roof over my head?

Hi Germancookie,
This is what I think from what I understand from your post.

If YOU really have decided you do want to take care of your mom and you prefer that job to an outside job ...Read More

Gave a hug to lcs 7/24/2010 at 11:34 pm

Hi. It is always great to meet another animal lover. I just took two of our dogs to the vet for their shots and ouch! It is expensive.
It is hot here in Missouri so I have 2 of our older cats in the house now. Plus my very large dog (which belonged to my dad) is in the house since it is too hot for her outside.
My other dogs have access to the basement thru the dog door.

I too always was taking in strays since I was a child. I fed every stray cat and dog and even a baby opossum once! Now I have 6 rescued dogs and 22 cats. We converted an old barn into an outdoor area for the cats and now they have a bigger house than us. Probably about 3000 square feet with the towers and catwalk my husband built. They even have a sunroom built from old sliding glass doors and old windows. All of our cats are older and fixed.
Most of our animals are rescued from the shelter. 3 of our dogs are from relatives who passed away or went into nursing homes.
WE ALSO GOT ONE OF OUR DOGS FROM THE ROAD. I got a Boston Terrier who was running right down the middle of the road. I thought for sure I would find the owner. I even put him in a Humane Society shelter (paid $20 to put him there) then found out they tested him and thought he was "food aggressive " and could not be adopted out. Well I'd saved this little dude and was not about to have them do anything to him or have him end up in a "Boston Terrier ""rescue"" " so I forced them to adopt him back to me. I paid $ 100 to get him back. LOL Crazy. At least they'd put a microchip in him and now I have papers on him. He was running right down the middle of the road when I first saw him and I could not drive around him. He was skinny as a stick. When I finally got him to stop and called him to me,,, I had never seen such an ugly dog. Well now he just looks adorable to me. And he is funny as heck... so God makes up to us in little ways for the hell we go thru.

It gets quite expensive but we have a few sidelines that help pay for them. We sell on Ebay and also my husband makes original design pottery items and original design Pie Birds which sell very well.

I got onto agingcare website when I started taking care of my dad 2 years ago. It has been a struggle ever since he went into the VA home to keep him healthy and things have not always gone well.
I am learning a lot though and getting pushy enough to keep them from drugging him too much.

These days it is pretty shocking how many years we may have to deal with parents and bad situations. When I read on here of 70 year olds taking care of their 90 something parents... I just think OMG.

Answered a question 7/23/2010 at 1:09 pm

Has anyone not genuinely cared the person you have to take care of?

Jsomebody,
Life is what it is. Not many of us are spectacular or even leaving much of a scratch on this world so don't be hard on yourself.
...Read More

Answered a question 7/22/2010 at 12:27 pm

My father is in a VA nursing home but his health care is not covered by the VA. He owes about $8,000 after a hospital stay and more bills are piling up. Should I ignore them?

He has Soc Security and Va Aid & Attendance. It all goes toward his VA Home "rent" . the two combined are less than $ 1800 so they take it all except the $80 he gets to keep for himself.
...Read More

Answered a question 7/22/2010 at 12:17 pm

Has anyone not genuinely cared the person you have to take care of?

It is harder when they do not or cannot apologize for their behavior and you have to just take it. My mom always says "you just take me too seriously" when I finally get fed up with her harsh words.
...Read More

Asked a question 7/22/2010 at 3:40 am

My father is in a VA nursing home but his health care is not covered by the VA. He owes about $8,000 after a hospital stay and more bills are piling up. Should I ignore them?

My father is in a VA Home. He has VA Healthcare, his care was provided by VA . UNTIL he went into a VA nursing home. Do I ignore bills? The VA Home takes all his income except about $80 a month. This ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 7/22/2010 at 3:30 am

How to get paid to take care for my elderly mother.

I do not think you can get paid for taking care of a parent.
You may get some deduction on taxes but that isn't any income
coming in.

...Read More

Answered a question 7/22/2010 at 3:04 am

Pick and choose. My husband told me that my mother cannot live with us anymore or he will be the one to leave. Who do I choose?

Excuse me? honor your father and mother obviously means to honor them by living a decent life and not to dishonor them with your behavior.

...Read More

Answered a question 7/22/2010 at 1:55 am

My mother-in-law has very fragile bones and has shrunk about 8 inches from her hump back! Is surgery wise for fractures if her bones are brittle?

Our mother has stabilized for a while on her pain. I went to her last appt after she had the surgery and asked about Ibuprofen (Advil) instead of a narcotic pain killer and the doctor agreed to try i ...Read More

Answered a question 6/14/2010 at 6:44 pm

Can they let my father die from pneumonia?

I do not think you have to agree to be POA or sign anything. Only the person making the request for a certain POA.

My dad assigned me as his POA. I did happen to be in the room but I sign ...Read More

Answered a question 6/12/2010 at 11:43 pm

My mom has a $9,000 debt to a magazine clearing house company. How liable is someone with dementia for outrageous bills like this?

You are welcome. I hope it works.

I hate all the people who take advance of the elderly.

We recently went through my mother-in-law items helping her to move and I could not beli ...Read More

Answered a question 6/12/2010 at 6:30 pm

How do we help our father with Parkinson's?

If your mom is really as you describe then WHY haven't you saved him from her?
You get him a few hours a month? Take him to a elder lawyer and set the divorce and his care in motion. Now I a ...Read More

Asked a question 6/12/2010 at 8:45 am

My dad begins to have slow hand and arm movements almost as soon as he begins to fall asleep. Why?

It usually starts with his left arm and he will raise it slowly like he is getting something out of the air. Then he will bring the other arm up to meet it. Usually he will then put his two hands toge ...Read More

Answered a question 6/12/2010 at 2:28 am

Can they let my father die from pneumonia?

I thought Hospice was there only when you are determined by the doctor that you ARE dying and will die within the next 6 months.

Hospice is for the dying. Not a free service to take care o ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 6/7/2010 at 12:01 am

I'm Angry With My Sister

and yes it is the first time he has ever had sores. He is a diabetic but normally has no problem feeling his feet. of course the VA home is saying that "this stuff just happens with diabetes" NO i ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 6/6/2010 at 11:55 pm

I'm Angry With My Sister

The nursing home caused the sore on his heel by putting his shoes on wrong. He has been going up to the veterans hospital for care but after about 5 weeks it got infected. The nursing home sent h ...Read More

Answered a question 6/5/2010 at 6:35 pm

How do I find respite care for my 98-year-old father who is recovering from a hip replacement and cannot be left alone?

My dad too always said he would kill himself before going and I truly thought he would. He is the mountain man type. It is horrible seeing him in a nursing home and he can be very difficult too when ...Read More

Answered a question 6/5/2010 at 3:59 pm

I read sometime ago about "ringing in the ears" being an early sign of dementia. Is there any truth to this?

I hope not! Mine ring all the time.
My mom has had ringing ears for decades and she is 77 with no dementia.

Aspirin, and too much caffeine causes my ears to ring.
...Read More

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