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ive got to get out of this place....

i want an outside person to take over dads money because he is bouncing checks and blaming me! i dont touch his checkbook, i had one credit card that i paid $300 on everymonth ( minimum payment was on ...Read More

i want an outside person to take over dads money because he is bouncing checks and blaming me! i dont touch his checkbook, i had one credit card that i paid $300 on everymonth ( minimum payment was only $30. but i would pay $300 because he didnt pay it for 4 months, and i didnt know..now i pay with money order recieps) but im getting blamed and i dont touch any of his money...
apperently he thought i spend too much on medication when i got cancer and needed a hysterctomy and overie removal,,so he canceled my card 'because im costing him too much'..huh? i paid triple the minimum every month, i have reciepts. hes got omaha steaks in the freezer, and IM costing him money? since my surgery ive had no appitite at all.
i am sick of him trash talking me and people happy to think the worst of me, ive never stolen or used anybody, i take pride in myself for not being greedy, and this is shattering.. other junk going on too, sorry to hijack your thread, i just found out more crap hes done to me behind my back..i am shocked, im floored that he has turned on me, ..im sorry, im rambling

get her a stuffed cat that looks just like the one she loves. tell her the cat passed on, but left his buddy to keep her company.

heart2heart, any way you can get your brother to take her on 'vacation' to his house for a few days or a week? my sister FINALLY ( and let me tell you, this took TONS of begging them both) took my dad ...Read More

heart2heart, any way you can get your brother to take her on 'vacation' to his house for a few days or a week? my sister FINALLY ( and let me tell you, this took TONS of begging them both) took my dad to her house for almost a week and it was gloriou! i mean, yeah, i was really sick, ( im waiting cancer surgery) but hes been real easy to get along with since hes been back. i guess he figured out im not so bad after all. im a person that must have a clean, bug free house, sick or not, i will clean it, but m sister apperently is a total slob, he wasnt wild about that . she also didnt have his favorite westerns on tv for him to watch, he definatly found out the grass is sooooo not greener someplace else!!
tell them that you won a free airfare or something, get her a ticket, round trip ( you cant just dump her off, that aint right) to the same ciy he lives.. ( buy a ticket yourself, FIND the money, trust me, ) and talk it up so she goes.. about 4-5 days is usually something folks will agree too, tell her its a great thing for her to travel while she can, needs to see grandkids, blah blah, make up whatever, tell her great casinos there, but hopefully if she goes, you get a much needed break, and if she likes it better there, then your free!!
worked for me, good luck....

he says all is fine, but my mom always took care of the books, and he doesnt budget well at all. the only time he will talk finaces with me is to yell that im making him broke on an amex card that i d ...Read More

he says all is fine, but my mom always took care of the books, and he doesnt budget well at all. the only time he will talk finaces with me is to yell that im making him broke on an amex card that i do pay every month.(i pay amex directly with money orders since he wasnt paying on my account) hes still got most of his senses, hes just not good with money. he wants to keep up with his buddys that have lots of money and hes on limited income. but 'all is fine' though its not. im just kind of waiting to step in when he needs me to, im not sure if this is the right time or not. i have tried to talk to him about durable POA as a 'plan B' and he says im fine!! im not old dont need help! but who doesnt say that? ive never been the type to snoop, but lately i have been looking at the records he keeps, and thats not much..
i havent talked to his doctor, i guess thats my next move?

oh, i know what goes in my mouth is on me, belive me bacon grease does NOT tempt me whatsoever.. the 'captive' part was refering to another post i had posted about him pushing me up against the wall ...Read More

oh, i know what goes in my mouth is on me, belive me bacon grease does NOT tempt me whatsoever.. the 'captive' part was refering to another post i had posted about him pushing me up against the wall when my back was out, yelling at me to leave the house, so as im crawling to my car, he yells 'where the hell you going? you aint leaving here!' and then he cut my credit card that i pay on. he then sent an email to my sister ' do you think she learned her lesson?' i ended up in the emergency room after i had left, my poor dog in my car, he said ,exact words ' why didnt you call me? i would have come to rescue you'. now, see, when you
tell me to leave, cut my means of money to live on, i figure thats it, why would i call him? theres a lot going on here, a LOT.ive been sick with open sores isince i moved here, the doctors teats said im alergic to bugs. so ive GOT to keep this place as bug free as possible. what does he do? brings in a plant with aphids under the leaves and puts it in the spare room.then under my wondow outside. he i had open sores all over my arms,face chest and even after biopsys, he does everything to keep me from cleaning, telling me its all in my head. open sores? if you can see them then its not in my head! it wasnt until i got the house clean by peeling wallpaper,painting, new carpets, clearing moldy leaves that i got better. it WAS the house..but see,he told my mom 'its all in your head' until she belived it, locked herself in her room till she had to go into a home with dementia.. turns out she had been having strokes, but he never belived her when she wanted to go to the doctor..
he will also put spices into food knowing im alergic, then gets mad when im sick and cant clean the house.. so really, im not tempted ( except cookies) what my complaint is about is how muc money hes spending on makings for all these desets that eventually go bad.
but when you tell a person to get out, then stop them from leaving, what do you call it?

sometimes thats best...

jeanne, ive been asking myself that very same question... at first i felt i 'owed' him, they adopted me, but ive paid any kind debt i owed, belive me, i guess my stupid loyalty is holding back. but th ...Read More

jeanne, ive been asking myself that very same question... at first i felt i 'owed' him, they adopted me, but ive paid any kind debt i owed, belive me, i guess my stupid loyalty is holding back. but that went out the window when they threw me out when i found out i was sick.( ill be fine, need overys removed) but 'family'? i gave up my section8 so i cant afford to live anywhere... ill work for someone else, its just recently come to a head. when they tossed me out and canceled my credit card that i pay, thats it.. im so done. screw being hurt, ive BEEN hurt, now im just a fool to stay. its taking a toll on my health and im 44, i cant just get my health back if i let myself get too bad here... after my surgery on the 14th, im seriously going to start looking for somewhere else. hes trying to make me a captive hee and thats not fair, ive gone way above and beyond maid service here, his house was actually 75,000 under market it was so bad, now its back up to market value . ( yes, i check these things, but i came across the housing value site by accident) .
i wonder, since the house is supposed to be split between me and joyce, and she hasnt done a damn thing to help, can i somehow get paid out of her share when he passes?
im not a greedy person, never have been, but i also cant be a fool or doormat here...what do i do?

oh, the water, i bought a britta filter because the water here is horrible, it disappeared... must be that pesky ghost again...

his favorite recipe book is from 1963, so most of it calls for shortning, ,butter,cream cheese, everything fattening....i want to eat healthy, im over 300 pounds and my back is always hurting, my feet ...Read More

his favorite recipe book is from 1963, so most of it calls for shortning, ,butter,cream cheese, everything fattening....i want to eat healthy, im over 300 pounds and my back is always hurting, my feet are killing me, and ive gained this weight since i moved back here 3 years ago. he looks like hes in his late third trimester, and he refuses REFUSES to change any of his eating habits, so fine, ok, i kept my old fridge when i moved from my old house so i buy food for myself. but he insists on making deserts at least 3 times a week and its just the two of us here! i tried to get him to only make stuff if hes going to take it to bingo, or to church, but no... he will make cookies ( my biggest weakness) 'just because he likes to have something around to munch on'. his words, not mine. but he leaves them on the kitchen table! i asked him to at least put them in his room, but he wont. he MUST make something for his buddys he goes to friday night dinner with, but even both have them have said they want to lose weight, one of them has a heart condition and recently had to quit drinking as well. ( thats another story, at the friday night dinner, this buddy of my dad, who is usually already plowed before even getting to the lodge, now MUST not drink, doctors orders. so my dad sits there calling him shirley temple all night! i kept telling dad to knock it off, that aint cool, the man already had a look on his face like somebody torched his dog,, so i didnt drink that night myself. i told him 'look at it this way , you know you wont be getting a dui tonight! and if i can go without booze, so can he. easy peazy..but dad thought it cute to call him shirly temple. does he not get it? ) anyway back to the desernts, one day i put little notes on each and every cookie saying things like 'theres a reason alcaholics dont work in bars' he calls me fat but bakes cookies.
ok second problem, i got a look at his bank statments when he was visiting my sister recently,. no wonder he keeps yelling hes broke. he is, but its not MY fault, he spent almost half his check on quick stop grocery stores to buy stuff for these deserts nobody wants him to make!! ive tried to get him to make himself a bit of money, sell his deserts, they are very good, hes an excelent cook, but they are fattning as hell, and costing him money..
oh, i didnt mention the HUGE sack of flour he bought then stored in the closet where it clearly had black dots moving in it, he refused to toss because it was a big bag.normal people do not need 60 lb sacks of flour!! and use it in a month! we need to eat healthy and real butter aint getting it. i tried to make an old fav of my mom, brocolli ham cheese cassarole, well, HE changed the recipe a bit to be a keish in a pie shell...with butter...and cream cheese.. and God only knows what else.. hes offended when i try to make more simple, cost effective way less calorie foods.. i know he loves to cook, so why cant he cook for people that will rave over it rather than leave it out for me to have to smell and look at..id love to toss his cookbooks but i cant do that, im not a jerk like that.
so how do i get the crap food out and the good food in? how do i get him to not make food thats cooked in bacon grease? ive tried baby steps, lets use Pam spray instead of -ugh- bacon grease..nope...HELP

do you have a space under your house an animal may have snuck into and died? in your attack? our house has these screens ( for venting the house ,im told) but it were up to me, id board them up or get ...Read More

do you have a space under your house an animal may have snuck into and died? in your attack? our house has these screens ( for venting the house ,im told) but it were up to me, id board them up or get smaller mesh screens. weve had rats get in through there..but its kind of common, especially when it gets cold out, that small animals seek housing and sometimes your the host...got somebody skinny that can crawl under your house?

please dont say go o a doc, thats part of the problem..cant afford it. mental health in my area you have to be court ordered and i dont want to go to jail just to see a doc.
 ...Read More

please dont say go o a doc, thats part of the problem..cant afford it. mental health in my area you have to be court ordered and i dont want to go to jail just to see a doc.
i hate living here...hate it...im not cut out to be a caregiver. never wanted to in the first place.dad dont care two cents about me, thats fine. no friends that sucks.overweight cant find a date.
miserable..sorry didnt know where else to go

GOOD FOR YOU having cameras! im a big beliver in them.but yeah, get rid of them..

thanks everyone for esponding, i always know im going to get careing ,smart answers here.im just getting kinda depressed here. ive got to snap out of it, i cant understand what the hell i did to dese ...Read More

thanks everyone for esponding, i always know im going to get careing ,smart answers here.im just getting kinda depressed here. ive got to snap out of it, i cant understand what the hell i did to deserve this.i guess thats why nobody else stepped in to help him, but here i go, im stupid..ill never be a caregiver again, this is too much. im cursed with feeling peoples emotions,im always there for anyone that asks, why isnt anyone ever there for me? i must have been a real horrible person last life or something..im doomed to be alone in this one..
ok, pity party over here, thanks again.. at least you guys care..

i gave up my section8 housing when i moved back here to help him.( after my mom died) without the sec8, i cant afford to pay rent anyplace.my health has been up and down since moving here, but im neve ...Read More

i gave up my section8 housing when i moved back here to help him.( after my mom died) without the sec8, i cant afford to pay rent anyplace.my health has been up and down since moving here, but im never down for long.it just so hard for me o even process that this man, loved by all, would give the shirt off his back to anybody but me,is behaving this way. i refuse to let myself question my own judgement, i know what i see, when i feel, what i remember when my mom was alive.( she would say similar things we all dismissed as crazy. he told her it was in her head so long she belived it, crawled into the backroom and never came out until sshe had to be put in a home) but im not crazy. i guess maybe the fact i was adopted makes me stupid loyal? i can take a lot of flak from people,but this is too much.i honestly belived that i moved in here for the long haul, to help him till he passed, then id live here in the house.but instead of him appreciating me, ive created a monster. my brother abused him badly, so ive been trying to undo the damage on the house.and ive done that.but since he knows im not going to beat him up, he treats me like IM the one that ran through his bank accounts, that beat him up, trashed his house, i guess i keep praying he will snap out of it, maybe a phase that older folks go through, but its not getting better.
see, i have no sense of entitlement. maybe its an adopted thing, but i dont feel i DESERVE the house..even though i have transformed it, im not out to be greedy, i just dont want to be homeless whenhes gone. i know the house is left to me and my sister ( their biological daughter) but since shes happily married with a great house in bakersfield, i figured she would let me live here, then if i sold the house, id give her half..it wasnt until moms funeral it went from 'oh, great job on the house, we appreciate it ' to 'the adopted thinks shes gonna get the house'..i dont even like to talk about division of a persons property while theyre still alive! i feel its so disrespectfull. but my sis has come over twice and walked around saying 'oh i dont want this clock,; ;picking out what they want/dont want even asking me 'what makes you call that refridgerator 'your fridge'? i said because i brought it from my 2 bd house i lived in when i moved here'. i traded my car and a car that had been given to me, and got a great GREAT deal on a sweet 2009 mustang..not one person congradulated me on it, of course they all assume i MADE my dad buy it.yeah, right, like he'd do that for me.he did loan me 2500 out of moms money when she died, but i paid him that money back,im not a golddigging person, ive always prided myself of that, and people are assuming that ive now taken over and making him buy me stuff and he doesnt tell them otherwise!! he lets everybody belive i am taking advantage of him, thats why i want no part of spending his money, i was the court to appoint an impartial party to do his monthly bills. somebody that can see that i havent used him or spent his money!! he did get me a credit card in my name off of his account,but i pay for my own charges.just because im that kind of person, ill take a loss now and again if it works out better in the long run.but im not a sucker, i see that he doesnt view me as his daughter anymore, im his slave, chattel propertywhen im sick he wont even open my door to ask if im ok.yet hes the guy that checks on sick people and reports it to the lodge.
i guess to answer your question why am i here? i dont know anymore. part of me is fiercly loyal, the other part says cut my losses and walk. but ive no place to go.i get 650 month for ssi,that ive been getting for years ( nothing to do with him or his care). i have no place to go.ive got my car and my dog.all my things are here, like my fridge, washer/dryer furniture, and if i leave my stuff will be given away,i dont know.. i dont know...,

my dads been that way for years, only because he didnt get a rise out of me, hes moved onto sabatogging me in public.. this i cannot tolerate.. its one thing to yell at me at home, to blame me for all ...Read More

my dads been that way for years, only because he didnt get a rise out of me, hes moved onto sabatogging me in public.. this i cannot tolerate.. its one thing to yell at me at home, to blame me for all the money problems ,not only in his house, but apperently the world, ( yes, world hunger? my fault too.) but he actually tried to slam me up against the wall the other day after my back had been killing me for 3 days!! even when my back is in pain, i can easily take an 85 yr old, but im not going to, i left.. i cant afford to stay gone long and im sooo dreading having to go back home...i cant do this crap alone, ive been asking, begging for help, im done.. i did not sign up to be abused here.

tile is very slick when wet, but if he peed on the carpet, thats got to go. it soaks way down underneth and messes everything up, plus the health hazard of it. theres got to be something, too bad they ...Read More

tile is very slick when wet, but if he peed on the carpet, thats got to go. it soaks way down underneth and messes everything up, plus the health hazard of it. theres got to be something, too bad they dont make wall to wall puppy pads..

no im not getting money, how do i go about that? im busting my butt making renovations here by myself and theres a lot i cant do.i need money bad..my brother ran through my dads savings before i got h ...Read More

no im not getting money, how do i go about that? im busting my butt making renovations here by myself and theres a lot i cant do.i need money bad..my brother ran through my dads savings before i got here, hes the one that tore the house up.hes in prison now, thank God. soon to be out though

i agree with alma, do what you need to do for you, not for drama filled relatives. its hard enough to do things on a daily basis, you sure dont need added baggage of others fighting..
 ...Read More

i agree with alma, do what you need to do for you, not for drama filled relatives. its hard enough to do things on a daily basis, you sure dont need added baggage of others fighting..
stay strong, spend your energy wisely. ( im learning that one myself right now)

really? i didnt know that, i moved here almost 3 years ago, after my mom died to care for dad. that would explain why they seem to be mad everytime i finish a major project here...thanks for telling m ...Read More

really? i didnt know that, i moved here almost 3 years ago, after my mom died to care for dad. that would explain why they seem to be mad everytime i finish a major project here...thanks for telling me, ill check into it for sure!

ask her doctor if maybe theres something you can change in her diet, some foods give more energy than others.
also you may need to start to prepare yourself for the dreaded day she passes.dont ov ...Read More

ask her doctor if maybe theres something you can change in her diet, some foods give more energy than others.
also you may need to start to prepare yourself for the dreaded day she passes.dont overthink it, talk to her doctor...good luck..hang in there, its hard to watch this..

keep reciepts and always cover your butt.
also try to keep her money/bills seperate from your own, that way if anybody ever does ask, you can show that youve done right by her..

usually when people wont tell you what caused a fight, its because they know its a dumb reason...im just saying..

joan, id be out of here faster than you can BLINK if i had anyplace i could go.i only get 650 mo for ssi, so an apt is kind of impossible without my section8. dads bad mouthed me to people that were c ...Read More

joan, id be out of here faster than you can BLINK if i had anyplace i could go.i only get 650 mo for ssi, so an apt is kind of impossible without my section8. dads bad mouthed me to people that were considering hireing me for housekeeping, so that closed that door. i hate that hes so damn selfish!
check this out, on my birthday,( july 2nd) he asks friends of his that ive never met over for a dinner party on MY birthday and didnt even invite me.i had been super sick for about 3 days before that, and had planned on going to the beach on the 3rd for fireworks ( couldnt get a room on my birthday) so he plans a party with enough food for only he and his friends. he said he thought i woulddnt be here, but never bothered to ask me.top that off, he made my favorite food for them.. i was so upset, not only because id been sick and was trying to feel better for the beach, but because how can you have a party on my birthday and intentianly not invite me? OMG, if i had done that to him, he'd flip out...i put up enough of a stink he canceled, but that was messed up...