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How do you care for a Mother (that one that had me didn't raise me and I don't need another Mother) she is Bi-Polo is on medication but I think sometimes she gets them mixed up Some days she is fine o ...Read More

How do you care for a Mother (that one that had me didn't raise me and I don't need another Mother) she is Bi-Polo is on medication but I think sometimes she gets them mixed up Some days she is fine other days like today she is controling and demanding other days she is full of life and laughter and other days she can be so hurtful that I feel like I am walking on egg shells Her Doctor doesn't see this or think she has this so when I mention this he looks at me at says maybe it is you that is causing her to act like this She is negative always putting me down and doesn't like anything I do around the house or how I go grocery shopping or even the food I cook She wants everything is her way and doesn't understand fiances are very tight She feels it is her money she can do with what she wants and I can't help her to understand the stress and pressure I am under I can't even take care of myself I only take care of her 12 hours a week and some alimony which is barely enough to keep body and soul together but she just doesn't understand She blames me for everything My lack of work my seperation from my husband and the lack of money we have She is totally dependent on me She wont even wash a small pan or dish out She doesn't get it I only take care of her in the morning the rest of the time it is my own time She thinks this caregiver position is 24/7 She has a mind of her own and no matter what I do it is wrong I even told her what my Doctor said that it is Stress and Anxiety from everything she is putting me through along with my husband I just want out I can't even afford the co-pays or I would go back into therepy and back on Meds so then I won't care what anyone says or does and it won't bother me like it does I am doing my best but no one sees it Any advice or sugguestions Hurting and Alone

I didn't realize the impact on my life when I decided to become my Mothers Caregiver This is the person that carried me for 9mths but didn't raise me Her Mother my Grandmother and my Grandfather raise ...Read More

I didn't realize the impact on my life when I decided to become my Mothers Caregiver This is the person that carried me for 9mths but didn't raise me Her Mother my Grandmother and my Grandfather raised me all the way through I learned about her at the age of 12 and she has been in and out of my life When my Grandmother (who I always called Mom) health starting changing she realized keeping us apart wasn't right so she told us both it was our time to get to know each other I have gone through a lot of Life Changes as well as Personal Changes that she was well aware before she made the decision to move back in with my husband and I With her attitude that we thought would have changed over the years but didn't we seperated and that is how we are living together I thought we could reley on each other but she is critical of everything I do especially now that I am her Caregiver She has become aggressive, demanding as well as controlling I feel like I am still living with my Husband and I don't need another mother If I try to bring these things up she just gets upset and says I should be on Meds and to keep me in my place tells me that the Agency I work for better call her on a Good Day or she won't have nice things to say about me I believe she is also saying things to her Doctor When I addressed issues about her medication and how she was feeling he looked at me and said maybe it was me She takes Meds for her heart, high blood pressure as well as a variety of antidepressants which should keep her in a good mood but it doesn't I think she gets them mixed up because some days everything is good and other days she is controlling and demanding Like Thanksgiving Day I planned dinner on Wednesday since it was just going to be the three of us including my husband (learning to be friends and working through things) When I called to let her know I was on the way to start dinner she wants to change everything to Thursday and even after I explained we already planned this then she says then don't expect me to give thanks and that my husband and I could do what ever we wanted My husband helped out with the food (finances have been really tight only working 12 hours a week) When I get home then she tells me her friend is picking her up Tomorrow which is Thursday Thanksgiving Day and tells me Victor and I could have dinner ourselves Mind you I ask numerous times about this before I even made Plans So tomorrow my husband is coming over to get the food and donate it to the Church it is to much for two people All she does is put me down is always negative about our finances and isn't happy about anything I do or even cook for her I know I was on Meds for depression and anxiety and I don't remember this up and down mood swings I just want out My Doctor says it is Stress and wants to follow up with my Heart Doctor and I even mentioned that to her but she doesn't care She just wants to make my life Hell so I am looking for a place for Her because I am looking to make some changes by Feb 1 when my Lease expires I don't know what else to do I know she blames me for everything because I haven't been able to take care of her (she had other choices before she moved with me and knew the way I am about holding jobs) so how am I to blame My health is being effected and I don't want to go back on Medication I have been off for a year now and I would like to stay that way Between my husband who lives happily with his grown kids and the person called Mom I just want to walk away I feel like everyone is just ganging up on me trying to push me over the edge Am I being to sensitive I read that taking care of a family member is more stressful than working a 40hr week job so please some advice before I just give up I would love to leave and get my own place but my income is limited For my own sanity I need to put her some place else away from me Life is to short and precious to live under these conditions Blessings Deborah

sunshinecaregiver

The problems in my Marriage brought us together I thought by taking care of her and being a paid caregiver which I wasn't aware that her insurance covered it would take so ...Read More

sunshinecaregiver

The problems in my Marriage brought us together I thought by taking care of her and being a paid caregiver which I wasn't aware that her insurance covered it would take some of the stress of knowing we had one income we could count on I just received my Certification for PCA and I am hoping that this will open other doors for me I know for now since she is still in good health she wouldn't be comfortable with anyone else but I know maybe down the line I will need to make other decisions about her care I am starting to get everything together for her like A Power of Attorney and assigning someone to make the decisions when she is not able to Sometimes I just get overwhelmed sometimes and I need somewhere to go Just someone to listen to me and knowing I am not alone That there is others going through the same issues This is all knew to me Changing Careers and going through Life Changes is very challenging as well as taking care of my Mom I have done it on my own without being paid since I brought her up here in 2001 It hasn't been easy but I know there is a reason we keep finding ourselves back with each other Thank you for listening and for your impute I was just letting go that night I wrote that so much stress trying to make ends meet and not getting the support you need sometimes makes it even more challenging Blessings

Thank you for your words of encouragement lindam We all need the support Being a Caregiver isn't easy Sometimes it is very challenging This is a support group and we all need to be supporting each oth ...Read More

Thank you for your words of encouragement lindam We all need the support Being a Caregiver isn't easy Sometimes it is very challenging This is a support group and we all need to be supporting each other no matter what we are going through Thank you for being there Bless

When my Husband and I seperated My Mom and I moved into a Senior Apartment where I feel at a loss but she is Happy I found out about becoming her Caregiver through her insurance and I thought that wou ...Read More

When my Husband and I seperated My Mom and I moved into a Senior Apartment where I feel at a loss but she is Happy I found out about becoming her Caregiver through her insurance and I thought that would help both of us to take some of the stress of the finances and give her a little more security I don't treat it as job but just a supplemental income She wants me here 24/7 which she doesn't need it When ever I go out with my Husband she gets upset and throws in my face how I don't do anything on the Care Plan and that I always gone and that if she has to get up and put something in the dam microwave she could of lived by herself I do everything for her over and beyond what I need to but it isn't enough Then afterwards she says she didn't mean it that she does love me and my response is when we are in anger or hurting is when the truth of hearts are told She might of at one point but like my Son that stopped when I went back to my Husband and it is a constant reminder each and everyday Some days will be good then if I don't do everything according to what she expects then the words come up If you could see this apartment there is nothing out of place I even spend extra time in the kitchen when we have leftovers and freeze them in bags so she just puts them in the Microwave She acts like she is my boss and tells me I need to be here all day and then after the dinner is cooked and the dishes are washed and put away then I may go out and be gone from then till the next morning I go through an Home Care Agency who told me that as long as I follow the Care of Plan which I do the rest I work out with the Client I lost my patience and said if she wants I can treat her like a Client and not like my Mom To help you understand my frustration this person is my natural Mom but didn't raise me I was raised by her Mother my Grandmother who passed four years ago and she is the only Mom I had The one I take care of we are close but it isn't the same relationship There is distance between us and alot of words unsaid because of the things I went through in my Marriage Part of that she went through I feel at times she depends on me to much and that she stays with me because she has to which makes a bad sitition My husband wants to get back together and sugguests with all the problems I find her another place to go but I can't let go she is Family I did tell my Mom before she passed that I would look after Her My Mom also said that she was wrong for keeping us apart and it was time that my natural Mom and I got to know each other but I really blew that Forgiving and Forgetting doesn't come natural to Her Sorry this is so long but I get so tired of all of this My husband helps me financially since I am not working that many hours with my Mom I appreciate the help he gives but I feel like I am been torn in two I am hoping when I start picking up more Clients and go back to work which is what she wants maybe the Tension will be less not only with her but my husband Thank you so much for listening I could go back sooner but I am lacking a car which I am hoping buy the beging of the Year everything will be better Blessings Deborah

It is hard living the way you are It can tear you apart I know it did for me It costed me my Marriage of 12yrs My Mom is 73yrs old and is totally dependent on my and thinks my life revolves around her ...Read More

It is hard living the way you are It can tear you apart I know it did for me It costed me my Marriage of 12yrs My Mom is 73yrs old and is totally dependent on my and thinks my life revolves around her I feel sometimes like a door mat She complains about everything and no matter what I do it isn't enough She is still healthy so there really wasn't any options for me but to have her live with me and be her Caregiver There is something called Respite Care where someone will come out and be with your Mom when you want to go out or when you will be home late and they will take care of her The only other option is to do like I did for a period of time in the beging I placed her in her own apartment and paid half her expenses That way she had a little space to herself and I had my space It worked great for a few years but then she complained it was getting to hard for her standing for long periods of time so I brought her back home with me If I would have know her Insurance covered Caregivers I could of set that up and she could have stayed in her own apartment So there is some options out there for you It all comes down to making the choose and helping your Mom to see it through your eyes I hope the best for you Blessings Deborah

Sorry you are going through this My Mom since moving in together in our own apartment her attitude has changed towards me and even more so now that I am a paid Caregiver through her Insurance Like You ...Read More

Sorry you are going through this My Mom since moving in together in our own apartment her attitude has changed towards me and even more so now that I am a paid Caregiver through her Insurance Like You she doesn't like my husband and the feeling is mutual that is one of the reasons I am seperated but that is another story My Mom has trouble getting around but she can do things for herself but she doesn't Even when we lived in the house with my Husband she never did anything but sit for 14 hours a day watching TV which drove my Husband crazy She thinks now she has total control over me and hates it when he calls or comes over Part of it is jelosey the other she Hates him and never has anything nice to say I feel like a doormat She complains about everything Part of it I am hoping is Stress the other is she wants me to let go of my Husband and be Independent which I am trying to do But like you nothing I do is good enough for Her I am so glad I found this Web Site because I thought I was the only one going through this Sounds like you are right your Mom might need more Help then you can give and calling Her Doctor sounds like the right thing to do I hope the best for you Blessings Deborah

My Mom and I are living together in a one bedroom apartment We share expenses but money is tight since I am not working full time as a Caregiver The agency I am employment by was suppose to find me ot ...Read More

My Mom and I are living together in a one bedroom apartment We share expenses but money is tight since I am not working full time as a Caregiver The agency I am employment by was suppose to find me other clients but after three weeks still nothing I have noticed since we moved in August My Mom sometimes gets a little aggressive with me and sometimes I feel overwhelmed from the lack of support I get from her I didn't notice her attitude to much before but alot has changed with money being the main issue I try not to take her comments seriously but it hurts sometimes the way she acts Now I am her paid Caregiver she acts like she has control over me and gets upset when my husband calls or we even go out (we are seperated and they can't stand one another) which I respect but don't like to be reminded I hoping when work picks up things will get better I just feel like nothing I do is right My Mom critizes me on everything She is on Medications but it doesn't seem to change her mood any Some days are good and others are bad but I guess this is the adjustment period and it will get better it time Any suggestions to improve the stress level and makes things run a little more smooth would be great She is 73yrs old and sometimes we don't see things eye to eye like we us to (she is my birth Mom but wasn't raised by her we became close after my Mom died (Her Mother my Grandmother) Our relationship has been up and down but not like a Mother and Daughter Relationship She tries but it isn't the same Thank you for any advice or any Inspiration to get me through Blessings Deborah