anonymous11306 commented
2/28/2010 at 1:24 am
sainitylost it sounds like you are on your way to gaining back your sanity.
Obligation is very over kept in place the most by either guilt or fear and sometimes both. Obligation like the
...Read Moresainitylost it sounds like you are on your way to gaining back your sanity.
Obligation is very over kept in place the most by either guilt or fear and sometimes both. Obligation like the other two lead us to walk on eggshells around the person and around the issues that really must be discussed.
For the most part, a family member or a spouse can get us with fog if we have let our relationship become codependent or enmeshed with the other persons feelings to where we find it very hard to feel our own feelings, think our own idea, and make our own decisions without their stuff in our head getting in the way.
It's the enmeshment with the parent that so often makes the adult child melt back into the little child and the relatonship slants into child-adult instead of staying adult-adult.
With spouses what often happens in enmeshement is someone gets treated as the child or someone feels like the other spouse is expecting them to be the mom or dad they never had. Thus, it stops being adult to adult.
Here is one helpful point from writing about living and speach.. Teachers encouraged us to write in an active voice. However, so much of our speaking is in a passive and reactive voice. We burden ourselves with I ought to, I should have, I might, I must, I need to, etc. A more proactive way to address life is to make declaritive active statements like, I will, I shall, I can. Active statement also tend to be very clear without any doubt of which direction you have decided to go.
You have already made an important step in recognizing the fog and where you are in dealing with it. I wish you well in the rest of the journey in getting out of the fog. Just because you get of the fog does not mean that they are not going to try to hoover you back into. That's when you let them deal with their own internal drama that they feel a need to suck you into.
You could read up some on codependency or better yet if you can afford to find a good liscenced clinical social worker to do some cognitive therapy with you and tell them right off the bat that you want to get rid of the fog and which part has you the most stuck.
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