carewithhugs commented
2/25/2010 at 10:04 pm
There are a few important variables...what are the age categories of all involved? How close does everyone live? And what medical conditions does dad have?
...Read MoreThere are a few important variables...what are the age categories of all involved? How close does everyone live? And what medical conditions does dad have?
Depending on those (if everyone is of age to assist, close enough to visit often enough (within an hour to hour 1/2 drive - in my eyes) which I would think could be every other day - then everyone should be able to assist, pitch in and be there for dad. Being there for dad - for him would mean - companionship, love, friendship, just knowing someone cares enough to be there, a small chat or a long chat, watching tv, playing cards or checkers, doing a puzzle together, etc....
Hopefully I can say in your case dad has been there for all of you - running you around, playing with you, teaching you, helping you, etc Tables are turned now. You don't have to turn to an outsider to care for you dad (unless he's at the stage you have to have assistance and you really are not qualified or capable to give him "good" care if you were to do it) Anyway - eveyone involved would benefit - you would know you were doing something good and dad would know his kids were doing something good and that would help him NOT feel like a burden. That must be the worse thing to feel - to feel like you are burden to your loved ones. Just wait till we're all in that predictament. I pray I have someone to be nice to me and help care for me. If it comes to putting me in a home for "my" best welfare so be it.
Your siblings - do they have kids? If they do tell them what they are doing to dad would be like doing to their kids. Ask them if you - their sibling needed assistance could you count on them, because it sure doesn't seem like it.
Family is supposed to be there for eachother and not just on the easy days, the holidays, the fun days.
Why would it be a burden to visit once a week? What is their excuse? Is it valid?
If all of this is because they are being selfish with "their" lives, "their" time - tell them paybacks are crappy and they probably won't like what they see in the will!
Taking care of an elderly parent with medical conditions can be very tough. I do it. I have a sister that lives 15 minutes from mom and I live one hour away - but I drive into mom and sis' town every day for work and I manage to visit mom two to three times a week sometimes 4. Some of my visits are to visit, some are quick to just touch base and vaccum for her (she can't do that due to arthritis), some days are long visits to help with the bills and insurance papers for all the medical. Some days are to help her with things she can't do well enough - reach the top shelves, clean, and on days her arthritis is really at it's worse I'll grab her laundry and take that.
My sister sees mom maybe twice a month and one of them is because mom gets to her via a friend.
I get very tired but knowing I'm helping her and not letting her and her home fall apart makes both of us happy. Plus, as I tell my mom when she tells me she feels bad and I don't need to do it - I tell her, mom, don't worry I don't mind it allows me time to see you, to be with you even if I'm working during some of it. And overall it is the truth. When shes gone and I don't have her - at least I had that!
Until she has to have assisted living - I want to be the one helping her and in her house with her, not some stranger.
I wish you well with all of this. There are things we don't know in your situation so every answer will have tid-bits you may use but doubtful if anyone will have "the" answer.
Remember - communication is the only way. You need communication in any relationship. Get together with your siblings - communicate.
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