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Originally, I wrote in seeking support about abusive parents and being their caregiver. My mom recently passed from Ovarian Cancer. It's a blessing as she is no longer suffering. Mom was abusive and would act out. Now that she's gone life is much calmer and more peaceful. The stress of walking on egg shells is going away. I'm still caring for my dad who is very ill i.e. leaky heart valve, COPD, a blood condition etc. and is on 6 liters of oxygen 24/7. He misses mom very much, but he also...Read More

Originally, I wrote in seeking support about abusive parents and being their caregiver. My mom recently passed from Ovarian Cancer. It's a blessing as she is no longer suffering. Mom was abusive and would act out. Now that she's gone life is much calmer and more peaceful. The stress of walking on egg shells is going away. I'm still caring for my dad who is very ill i.e. leaky heart valve, COPD, a blood condition etc. and is on 6 liters of oxygen 24/7. He misses mom very much, but he also knows she is no longer in pain. That in itself makes her loss all worth while for him. I'm not sure how to say what is on my mind tonight, I guess I'm feeling nostalgic. I do know that love should be unconditional. No one has the right to hurt another person maliciously. Having said that, our parents are our parents and they do need our love and support at the end of their lives. If there is anyway a child can care for their parents, to love them, and support them while still maintaining their own dignity and respect then I say by all means children should care for their parents. I think my mom had a personality disorder. To me, that doesn't excuse her behavior. She knew right from wrong and she should have gotten help. I do understand it's not as easy as that, but that's how I feel. I also know that taking care of my mom, telling her I loved her, in spite of her behavior, had to help her and make a difference. I can't imagine what it would have been like for her if strangers cared for her and there was no one to say "I love you". People deserve respect, compassion and love. For those who don't know how to return these feelings to others, well they're the ones that need love all the more. They're lost and need to know someone truly cared about them. I can't imagine dying with a messed up mind and not being loved. I hope, for most of you out there, that no matter who your parents are you as the caregiver somehow realize all the good you have done for another person, another human being. Realize that life is worth a whole lot more than making money, driving a second car and having brand name clothing to keep up with the Jones. I for one, struggle with the loss of a mom who didn't love me. Not once did we even go to lunch together. At the same time, I feel good inside knowing I did all I could to help her, and what I did had to make a good difference in the end of her life. Time is short for everyone on this earth. One never knows what the future holds, so please everyone, take deep breathes, listen to your favorite music, go for a walk, talk to a friend and get a hug from someone. Caring for another person at the end of their life is about as difficult as it can get, and as precious a gift as you can ever give. I wish you all the best. I am treasuring my time left in my dad's final chapter of life. I can't go back in time and change anything, but I'm here now and I will make sure his last few months are as good as they can be. Thanks for listening and thanks for letting me ramble on. P

I am caring for my father, B, who is 84 years old, living at home.

I am caring for my mother, L, who is 83 years old, living at home and the primary ailment is cancer.