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Nanette (nanstill)
Age: 58
Gender: Male

Married 32 years, 3 grown daughters, 1 grandchild

Primary caregiver for mother with dementia, moved her to assisted living Feb. 2010; she is highly functioning: memory loss, judgment issues, difficulty performing routine tasks, some delusions, some hallucinations, lots of UTI's during the last year.

This is hard for me because she has been widowed for 28 years and we have been close. The past 5 years have been difficult with the last year being more than I could handle alone.

I am caring for my mother, Bobbie, who is 78 years old, living at assisted living and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia.

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/1/2010 at 12:55 pm

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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chandracap gave a hug 5/18/2010 at 12:55 pm

Nanstill, your Mother sounds exactly like my Mother. I won't take her back to her house (doctors orders) although she still wants to "go home"!! Please don't feel guilty about not seeing her. Mother ...Read More

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vstefans gave a hug 3/31/2010 at 3:48 pm

seriously - its hard - everyone tells me I "had to" and still it really feels awful to be the one who had to do it...

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Answered a question 5/22/2010 at 11:44 pm

Will Medicaid and Medically Needy pay for nursing home care?

Medicaid usually helps with nursing home care, but you need to consult your local Council on Aging and they can provide FREE assistance to help you get the resources you need. My father in law was in ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 5/19/2010 at 9:08 am

I am going to have to make a heart breaking decision soon regarding my mother’s care.

Anne123, you made me feel better too. My Mom is often SO ANGRY at me for "bossing her around" and "running her life." These decisions never come easily and most of us wait until the we MUST do somet ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 5/18/2010 at 6:32 pm

I am going to have to make a heart breaking decision soon regarding my mother’s care.

DelilahAnn, we moved my mom to assisted living instead of a nursing home. Check out all types of residential care in your area. The assisted living facility keeps Mom pretty busy and still allows he ...Read More

Answered a question 5/18/2010 at 6:23 pm

My parents need to move to an assisted living facility but my sister will not agree. What should I do if I am their primary caregiver?

A lot of the assisted living facilities in our city have social events and entire families can participate to learn more about the facilities. Call around and ask the facilities if you can schedule a ...Read More

Answered a question 5/18/2010 at 6:09 pm

My father is verbally abusive and I cannot take it anymore. How can I deal with this?

Susan, my mom has moved to Assisted Living the verbal abuse continues. She always "screaming matches" as she termed them with me and her only sister. My aunt has been dead several years and the scre ...Read More

Wrote on chandracap's wall 5/18/2010 at 1:18 pm

Chandra, thank you so much for your HUG!! I hope I can quell the quilt, my husband dealt with a Mom with Alzheimer's and he said the same thing about Mom never knowing what we do for her.
...Read More

Answered a question 5/18/2010 at 1:08 pm

Should I let my mother see her house one last time before I sell it?

I am in the same situation. My experiences with taking Mom to her house since moving her to an AFL 3 months ago have not been good. She asks to go everytime I see her - 2 or 3 times a week - so I ha ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 5/18/2010 at 12:57 pm

Sundowner's Syndrome: Symptoms, Causes and Treatments

My mother claims someone comes in room and steals her jewelry at the ALF where she is, but "she always returns it" according to Mom. This only happens during the night according to her. Sometimes sh ...Read More

Answered a question 5/18/2010 at 12:48 pm

Can a serious UTI in an 80-year-old woman cause her to go into a confused state?

ABSOLUTELY! My Mom had the first UTI I knew about over 3 years ago. She was so confused and the antibiotic handled it quickly and completely for a few months.
...Read More

Answered a question 5/18/2010 at 12:41 pm

How will we handle Mom's dementia-related anger when we sell her home to fund her assisted living apartment?

Thanks naheaton, it's always nice to know I'm not the only person dealing with this. Like you, I've been told by multiple doctors and case workers that Mom cannot live alone any longer.

Commented on a discussion 3/29/2010 at 11:32 am

We recently forced my 90-year-old mother to move into assisted living. She had been living alone, but could not take care of her self and even forgot where she lived. Now she is angry and upset about being taken from her home.

I have experienced the same thing with my mother recently. Mom remembers what we sometimes wish she would forget and forgets the important things. Mother can still handle most of her ADL's though it ...Read More

Asked a question 3/29/2010 at 11:26 am

How will we handle Mom's dementia-related anger when we sell her home to fund her assisted living apartment?

After 3 years of allowing Mom to live independently with some in-home care and LOTS of care from me (daughter) and her neighbors she has moved into a lovely assisted living facility. She has adjusted ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 3/29/2010 at 11:18 am

Feel at Peace: Lose the Caregiver Guilt

This "scene" has been played over and over for the past 2 years with my mother whom we moved to assisted living about 1 month ago. It does help to know I'm alone in this.

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