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Nancy (naheaton)
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Location: Beaverton, OR

A few things have changed for me and mine. First, I am the primary care taker of my mother-in-law now with my husband right behind. The sister-in-law that used to help me has moved far enough away that its not practical for her to help much. The doctor made it official today when he said my mother-in-law Marjie has Alzheimer's. That was devastating to finally hear the "A" word come out of his mouth.
God has allowed my mother-in-law to be stripped of everything that she was prideful about....Read More

I am caring for someone, Marjie, who is 87 years old, living at assisted living and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia.

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Redpepper commented 2/1/2012 at 9:13 pm

Thank you for your post, my mother is in Oregon but she is in LaPine to be close to my sister. I am toally not sure if there are other Adult Foster Care in LaPine, have to do some research.

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Eddie commented 1/30/2012 at 4:14 am

I'm with you. I've come across many posts from individuals "spending down" their parents' $ and then trying to find a way to live with their conscience by getting others to agree with them. In my book ...Read More

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Alwaysbusy commented 1/27/2012 at 9:36 pm

Thanks for responding. I'm so devasted about what happened to my mom, me and my brother as a result of this exploitation of my elderly mom. I plan to set up a meeting with the states Attorney and submit evidence to the Bar. I do plan wholeheartedly to bring down this attorney. It takes a crook to find a crook. My mom is wrongfully thrown into the nursing home. Had money to stay in assisted living. Her safety and well being and her dignity are all stripped because of this very evil x-sister. I disowned the creep. The worse unimaginal thing was in this nursing facility they admittedly gave my poor mom the wrong medication and she couldn't keep her head up for more than five minutes. I kept asking her over and over if she wanted to go to the hospital but she would plead with me and shout "No No" I regret that I didn't just do it till this day. It was such a horrible disgusting event to witness the ambush of a human being, especially the fact it's your mom. Oh I tried to get that power of attorney away. You better believe I did but I was going from lawyer to lawyer and found out way too late what to do and that was to become legal guardian. I wanted to pay the fifteen hundred and the person went home. I regret that as well. I would've found out that all moms money was totally wiped out two months earlier. I would've foiled their vicious evil plot but it was such a long journey that left me in constant shock to where I felt like I was always in quicksand. It was so draining. Something so devastating like this experience zaps your ability to think logically. Not only was I losing a mom who was so precious to me I also was realizing what a narcissist, sociopath my x-biological sister was. She became so wicked evil like over night just because of that power of attorney status. The lawyer I know in my heart was evil. The lawyer only cared about getting an easy $4,000 right from my own moms bank account from the evil POA. It doesn't get worse than that. It just doesn't. I'll make a youtube video if I have to. I'll look mean and ugly BUT I'll get the message out that WE CAN'T CONTINUE LIKE THIS! This can't happen in the United States of America. Once I show pictures of mom before and after and what four months in the Parks nursing home did, people will be OUTRAGED. God Bless You, Dori

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jmarziot gave a hug 1/26/2012 at 12:42 pm

Just for being there :)

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ZOEY1ZULU2 commented 1/26/2012 at 11:41 am

Her memory is not good at all. But when she's being fussy she gives me a hard time anyway. Lately I just make dinner and let her eat what part of it she wants to. I always have different side dishes. ...Read More

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deniseoconnell commented 1/25/2012 at 10:18 pm

Thank you so much..just getting a 'heads-up' from you helps to press on...ignore them and keep loving my husband is the only just way to move ahead.Denise

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RachelsDream1 gave a hug 1/24/2012 at 4:19 pm

Praying for you that God will give you supernatural strength and joy.

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RachelsDream1 commented 1/24/2012 at 4:18 pm

Nancy, I just read your profile and I think you are one to call, "Brave". You take care of your Mother In Law and your own Mother. I will be praying for you and you are an inspiration to us all on thi ...Read More

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RachelsDream1 commented 1/24/2012 at 4:12 pm

Hehehehe, thank you. Brave maybe, stupid, yes. Lol Yeah, thought about all the papers and Math. Then, I am like, "Am I crazy?" Lol Seriously though, I have wanted to be a Vet since I could say, "Vet ...Read More

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patrica61 gave a hug 1/23/2012 at 5:55 am

What you stated is true to the point. maybe moving mom to where dad is will help her. Hospice does work with families. When dementia sets in and they forget who some people are. There is still some pa ...Read More

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aharris6136 gave a hug 1/18/2012 at 7:26 am

Dear Naheaton, thank you very much for sending me message. It has really helped knowing I am not alone with these sorts of issues. It's so hard when views differ within families, some are emotionally ...Read More

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naheaton posted 1/15/2012 at 10:55 am

Woke up to a trace of snow today. Where I live in Oregon, that's a blizzard. :)

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yes gave a hug 1/14/2012 at 8:25 pm

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RLP gave a hug 1/14/2012 at 7:57 pm

Your answers are truthful but kind, and you are correct that getting old "stinks" at times. :)

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naheaton posted 1/10/2012 at 2:58 pm

Proverbs 12:1:
Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge: but he that hates reproof is brutish.

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lrobbins3545 gave a hug 1/5/2012 at 2:09 pm

I appreciate your reply and input. Thank you very much.
lrobbins3545

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psyche9066 gave a hug 1/3/2012 at 9:25 am

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I will begin today setting the boundaries so that the two of us will have a better relationship at this difficult time.

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dbauer commented 1/1/2012 at 12:05 pm

Hi Nancy,Thanks for the reply to my question about my Mom and not socializing. It was helpful to hear your saga. Wish you and your Mom the best in the new year.Dave

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mhmarfil commented 12/30/2011 at 6:08 pm

Happy new year to you! how's your caregiving duties? are u done with it? or is it just starting all over again with another member of the family needing u 24/7? whatever your situation is, give yours ...Read More

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naheaton posted 12/23/2011 at 9:23 pm

"Let every heart prepare Him room"...

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anonymous13319 gave a hug 12/23/2011 at 2:40 pm

I wish you a Merry Christmas, I wish you a Merry Christmas, I wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year…Hugs, Lilli (and hug the NW for me)

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mhmarfil gave a hug 12/19/2011 at 10:08 am

Hi there! thanks for your message, especially what it contains, like a very simple truth just like being on a first date i don't have to tell my life story all at once & send my friends, possible emp ...Read More

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2thfairy gave a hug 12/17/2011 at 10:17 pm

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cmagnum commented 12/16/2011 at 10:51 pm

Thanks and may you have a Merry Christmas as well!

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EarthQuake64 gave a hug 12/15/2011 at 11:52 am

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Answered a question 2/3/2012 at 2:27 pm

My mother-in-law thinks it should be done for love after all she raised my husband for free out of love. What do you do if they don't want to pay you?

I guess I see this a little differently. I wouldn't take money of her upkeep, but I would however expect money for the gas I use to take her where she wants to go. I also would expect food money wit ...Read More

Answered a question 2/3/2012 at 2:23 pm

Dad keeps having trouble with his computer!

What about an IPAD? Or maybe a Kindle Fire?

Commented on a discussion 2/2/2012 at 1:39 pm

She NEVER forgets where the cookies are!

When I get old and am doomed to have Alz/dementia, my family better keep out of the way of me getting into the cookies!! I figure I've earned it. :)

Commented on a discussion 2/2/2012 at 1:36 pm

I need help with this Hospice stuff!!!

I don't believe all Hospice's are created equal. We had a private hospice for my mom, as opposed to the county hospice. Same billing thing, but we liked them MUCH more. We didn't need the counselo ...Read More

Answered a question 2/2/2012 at 1:31 pm

I'm disabled and elderly mother need transportation. Are they any services we can use to help us?

Here in Oregon, especially in Portland, we have TriMet system of bus/light rail & Lift available. Particularly the 'lift' option is what most disable people use. They will take you right to the door ...Read More

Answered a question 2/2/2012 at 9:14 am

My mother has Alzheimer's, I have Durable POA, but can't keep my sister from talking money our of my moms funds. Is this abuse, how do I stop it?

Vickie, what if mom ONLY used a credit card? That way sister wouldn't be able to sponge any money, and mom would still be able to spend (without going crazy) hopefully.

Answered a question 2/2/2012 at 9:07 am

Dad has always done his taxes and now I am stuck with it and have no info. What can I do?

I'd start with looking at last years tax forms your dad filled out.

Answered a question 2/2/2012 at 9:06 am

Is it at all worthwhile to help the elderly (85+yrs) to go online & have a Facebook account?

I always post pictures and/or stories of what my mother-in-law and I have been doing. We have family on facebook that really enjoy seeing her.

Answered a question 2/2/2012 at 2:08 am

I lost my children because I care for my mom with Alzheimer's. How do I get my kids back?

greenday, since you sister is POA for mom, tell her it's time for a nursing home or whatever. She's burnt out, and understandably so, and it sounds like your mother has gone downhill since she lived ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 2/1/2012 at 5:25 pm

Adult Foster Care, good idea but there are some problems.

Adult foster care do accept Hopice patients, but they should be separated from the rest. My father-in-law died in foster care, but he had his own room, plus there was only 1 other man at the time liv ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 2/1/2012 at 12:05 am

Feeling like a mule. I get so tired.

Jessie, you know in the old days they had to use mules for bringing ore out of the mines because horses were too stupid to NOT hit their heads on the way out of the mine. Mules were smarter they said ...Read More

Answered a question 1/31/2012 at 7:12 pm

My parents are financially broke, always asking for money - yet won't take responsibility. What do we do?

Is this the way it's been for them financially for all their married life? If not, then there's something else going on here, maybe dementia. If, however this is a 'normal' thing, then I don't know ...Read More

Answered a question 1/30/2012 at 9:40 am

My mother is talking to many pain pills. How do I get her to stop?

Yep, she's an addict. Time to 'rat' her out.

Commented on a discussion 1/30/2012 at 2:29 am

I need a perspective from caregivers who thought it best for Mom or Dad to move to an assisted living facility or nursing home.

Carol, have you ever checked into adult foster care? We had really good luck with the one we chose for my father-in-law in the months before he died. His wife, my mother-in-law had to move into asst ...Read More

Answered a question 1/29/2012 at 9:45 pm

How do you deal with a family member who embezzles from your account or misappropriated funds, violating POA?

The problem is, while she was POA she could do any darn thing she wanted to do, so I'm not sure what your recourse is, if she doesn't feel the need to make things right. Doesn't mean she isn't in th ...Read More

Answered a question 1/27/2012 at 12:24 pm

How do I help my disabled 66-year-old mother and her 57-year-old husband who is financially dysfunctional?

Oh my gosh, some people no matter their age NEVER learn do they? My guess is that they've lived beyond their means their whole married life, and are NOT going the change now. How exactly do you get ...Read More

Answered a question 1/27/2012 at 12:07 am

My mother constantly is calling me fat. What can I do?

You know what they say... 'Brain cells come and go, but fat cells live forever'. haha

Answered a question 1/27/2012 at 12:01 am

If an elder didn't like being touched before they had dementia, would they still not like it once diagnoses with the disease?

I think as people with dementia/alz become more childlike, they could very well want physical comfort of some kind. Think of a little kid, how many of them wouldn't like to be rocked and comforted?

Answered a question 1/27/2012 at 12:00 am

I have a biological x-sister who harmed my mom. How and why was she able to get away with so much?

It should be the shyster lawyer that needs going after. Take him down, and maybe things will be righted by an honest judge.

Commented on a discussion 1/26/2012 at 6:04 pm

Medical Alert Systems

It was thanks to the medical alert necklace my mother-in-law had, that they reached me when she fell and broke her hip. The plan was to call me first since we live closest, which they did. When I se ...Read More

Answered a question 1/26/2012 at 5:54 pm

Should I move near my elderly parents for a job?

kn, I think you should sit yourself down and put your future imagination glasses on. Allow yourself to see WHAT it will look like for your to move close to your parents. Go through the best and wors ...Read More

Answered a question 1/26/2012 at 2:50 pm

Last night my mother decided to sleep on the floor. We try talking to her but it never works. How do I best approach this with her?

jmarziot, when we had our carpet installed we had to remove all the furniture out of our bedroom. Our son brought over a really nice inflatable mattress that was almost 2 feet high. We made it up wi ...Read More

Wrote on Eddie's wall 1/26/2012 at 11:02 am

Hey Ed I have a question for ya. I read on here lots of times that people are 'spending down' their folk's money. Am I the only one that thinks that doesn't sound right? I mean if the parent has sa ...Read More

Answered a question 1/26/2012 at 10:58 am

What should I do so that she's happy, and I'm not going to lose my mind while cooking for my mother-in-law?

Zoey, how long of a memory does she have? If she's anything like my mother-in-law, all I'd have to do it wait 5 minutes, put the food in front of her again and she'd eat it. She wouldn't remember th ...Read More

Answered a question 1/25/2012 at 8:39 pm

How do you deal with self-centered adult step children, when caring for my husband of 24 years?

I think that 'gold digger' train left the station 24 years ago, so I sure wouldn't let them bring that up after all these years. And I also agree, if they can't say anything nice then dump'em. If yo ...Read More

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