marthamongoose gave a hug
1/14/2010 at 2:08 pm
dear friend, I am the grown child of a woman that went through an experience much like yours. I was a teenager at the time and now 30 years later see a bigger picture and hope this helps you. My mothe
...Read Moredear friend, I am the grown child of a woman that went through an experience much like yours. I was a teenager at the time and now 30 years later see a bigger picture and hope this helps you. My mother took both my grandparents in our home and cared for them. Very long story but none of the siblings would help her, it resulted in health problems for her from all the lifting and lack of sleep, she could not hold a job, attempted suicide, her marriage ended in a divorce and I felt neglected, which is hard on a teen but I did not understand. There were so many harsh things said after my grandparents died. they said she did it for the money, but there never was any money, this was late 1970's. My grandmother never worked and they got some little soc sec check but not near enough to pay for their basic needs. Grandma was total care, could not even turn herself in bed. Grandpa walked with a walker and peed all over the house, and he was mean and yelled at my mother all the time. Now to my point. I have seen what this has done to my mother. She has been hurt and isolated herself from the entire family. She stopped going to reunions and holiday visits etc.... now that all my aunts and uncles are in their 70's and 80's many of them have died. She has gone to 3 funerals in the last year. The pain is still there just as bad if not worse than ever and she still cries. but now it is to late. From the childs point of view, I have lost out with the relationship I could have had with many family members. Yes I could have and should have developed my own relationship with them when I became an adult but felt I would be betraying my mother. So here is my advice, forgive them, please forgive them. For your sake and for your childrens. That does not mean you have to be around them if you dont think you could handle it but work toward some kind of relationship with them. Go to counseling, go to some kind of church(Im not preaching, but believing in and praying to God can give you a lot of comfort and healing) I have seen what the pain did to my mother I hope you dont end up like that. take care of yourself. hope you dont mind the advice of a stranger. but I have felt this pain too and see the long term effects.
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