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Why can't/doesn't your parent just give you a gift of money every month, twice a week, every 4 months, or whenever. Why does it have to seem like a PAYMENT for services rendered? Why not just see if y ...Read More

Why can't/doesn't your parent just give you a gift of money every month, twice a week, every 4 months, or whenever. Why does it have to seem like a PAYMENT for services rendered? Why not just see if your parent could purchase a new stove for the house, a new walk-in shower, or whatever the house needs. Or maybe go on a vacation with the parent have him/her pay for it vs. taking a regular "paycheck" for taking care of your parent. And here's a thought that probably EVERYONE out there will disagree with, if there is plenty of money to go around, why not have that parent send the sibling a check in the mail? Otherwise, it really seems as if you are getting paid to take care of your parent. And for me, that concept doesn't swallow well. I'd have the parent spend the money on himself/herself - massages, dinners out, therapy sessions, hairdresser, etc. How did the sibling even come to know about any of this? Life is so short. At the end of the day, money can't by compassion, love, quality time spent with a loved one, patience, sincerity. There is plenty of money in the universe to go around. Suggest that your parent write your sibling a check.

My mom and I use a walkie-talkie set when I take the garbare out, the dog out, do the laundry downstairs. or have to get something out of the car. I bought my 88-year-old uncle a pre-paid cell phone w ...Read More

My mom and I use a walkie-talkie set when I take the garbare out, the dog out, do the laundry downstairs. or have to get something out of the car. I bought my 88-year-old uncle a pre-paid cell phone with a digital clock on the outside of it; HE LOVES IT. i have all my phone numbers pre-programmed into it, so he just has to press ONE buttom to get ahold of me. He absolutely loves that phone (though it took some patience and compassion TEACHING him how to use it confidently). i set up the voice mail system on it for him too, but he doesn't use that, so i never leave a message. i am the only one that calls it, so when it rings, he knows it's me. i highly recommend a pre-paid cell phone (and you get the same kind) so you only payy $1.00 per the days you use it and are not charged per minute. How awesome that you are so thoughtful regarding your grandmother. I wish my niece and nephews were as thoughtful with their own grandma (my mom), but i blame their parents for that (!) (my siblings!)

! WOW!

Hire a "professional" (I use that term loosely when referring to the healthcare field) to be there in the mornings - evenings; 2) wrangle your whole family - nuclear and extended (all the cousins, kid ...Read More

Hire a "professional" (I use that term loosely when referring to the healthcare field) to be there in the mornings - evenings; 2) wrangle your whole family - nuclear and extended (all the cousins, kids, uncles) and try to come up with a schedule where everyone lovingly shares a day in heis/her life every two weeks or whatever (depends on how big your whole family is); 3) be there with your loved one yourself; 4) bring your loved one home; 5) pray. The 7 months my mom was in 3 hospitals and 2 nursing facilities for rehab, i was able to be with her 24/7 (except for the hours I would come home and let our t and take a shower). The quality of help and care provider WHILE I WAS RIGHT THERE AT MY MOM'S SIDE at all these different facilities (including the "world renowned CLEVELAND CLINIC FOOUNDATION) was below fair. AND THAT;S WITH ME RIGHT THERE! Granted, there are a handful of AMAZING people in the healthcare field who will be wonderful to all patients and not just your loved one because you are there with them, but for the most part, those STNAs and LPNs and all the way up that little ladder - really DON'T CARE. again, i am not saying ALL OF THEM are like this, BUT MANY ARE. it is D-I-S-T-U-R-B-I-N-G. so for you to expect or think you will get extra help for your loved one from the staff that is currently there - forget it - move on to some other solutions. AND DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING you or anyone in your family sees that just doesn't seem right. if you don't have family that will support you in taking a shift once a month, perhaps the particular gift God has blessed you with could be used as a bartering tool. Maybe you are an artist, or a seamstress, or a childcare provider, or a great reader - you could rally a team of volunteers who will help you to help your loved one by "paying them" with your abilities (stay with my loved one once a week, and i will wash your clothes for you). whatever - but you need to brainstorm and come up with another solution - even COMPLAINING or ADDRESSING to the owner of the facility won't make a difference. and i write this and share this all from experience.

Hi! Thank you for the hug/note - i just figured out how to access it! it's hard to read a lot of the stuff on this website because i cry enough on my own and with my mom - some of the stories are too ...Read More

Hi! Thank you for the hug/note - i just figured out how to access it! it's hard to read a lot of the stuff on this website because i cry enough on my own and with my mom - some of the stories are too sad for me to read. i try to stay joy-filled and full of love, laughter, and hope for me and my mom - there is no other way for me to be - otherwise i would drown in my own tears. and that's certainly not going to help my mom get stronger and better every day. thank you for your prayers. i pray for all the caregivers on here too, and all the individuals that are being cared for. and all those that don't have anyone to care for them. thanks again for your hug. -monday.

Life is a state of mind. How we think about, perceive, and choose to internalize situations, comments, people, ideas, challenges, and blessings directly affects how we "spend" each moment of our days. ...Read More

Life is a state of mind. How we think about, perceive, and choose to internalize situations, comments, people, ideas, challenges, and blessings directly affects how we "spend" each moment of our days. Life is living in the moment. It's hugging your mom. It's listening attentively. It's being calm patient, forgiving, funny, loving, grateful, and compassionate. It's not worrying about what others are doing or why they aren't around; it's embracing every moment of every day and thanking God for our blessings. It's making our loved ones feel loved and showing them they are loved through our actions, through our tone, our attitude, our touch, our disposition. It's acting as IF we are strong spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, and intellectually until we really are. It's knowing we are exactly where we are supposed to be. It's laughing out loud, often. It's getting on our knees and remaining every faith-filled, hope-filled, optimistic, and ever the believer in the healing power of prayer and God. I know for sure that life isn't about what we own or where we vacation or what kind of car we drive - but how we treat others. How we help others. Our loved ones and being able to have the ability to care for them is never a burden but always a blessing. Life is a series of moments. May your days be filled with laughter, love, and wondrous moments.

My sister came in from out of town for a couple of days, so while she was here i called her (at my brother's) and asked her and my brother to come over (no kids, no spouses) so that the 4 of us could ...Read More

My sister came in from out of town for a couple of days, so while she was here i called her (at my brother's) and asked her and my brother to come over (no kids, no spouses) so that the 4 of us could talk - my two siblings, me, and my mom - a recent stroke survivor. i wanted to somehow understand why my brother and sister have been missing in action for the past year - why they are never around - why they only call or come over when it is convenient for them - why they don't seem to feel the desire or need to help me or to be around our amazing, beautiful mom as she continues to recover. so when they got here i sat down and started the discussion with a description of "typical" day - so that they could understand all that is involved IN EACH DAY - the working out with the physical therapy exercises, the speech therapy work, the occupational therapy, the transferring in and out of bed with the beasy-board, the reading together, the playing chess, the brain activities, the writing in the journal, the playing cards, the conversations, the hugs, the prayers, the tears, the laughter, the nights up every couple of hours to change and reposition my mom, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, and the ever infamous question Did I take a shower today? so after i lovingly described a day, i assured them that i was exactly where i wanted to be - i LOVE taking care of my mom and helping her to get stronger and better each day. i just wanted to know, to understand why they weren't around. why they didn't want to be a part of this healing process also. BAM! A RUDE AWAKENING. my younger brother (married with 4 kids) and my older sister (married with 2 kids) both proceeded to VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ATTACK me and my mom - my brother is not around because HE DOESN' WANT TO BE - he has his own family now - he already spent time with my mom up until he was 17 and went off to college (!), - the house isn't clean all the time - he can't stand me - he hates when i leave him angry messages - etc. etc. etc. OK, I ADMIT IT - i HAVE left some "swearing like a sailor" messages - BUT that was only AFTER he would call a few minutes before he was supposed to be here (usually once a week for a few hours on sundays) and said "we won't be over today, i don't feel well" - or if he hadn't come over or called for weeks. i just didn't GET THAT. so here he is now blaming ME, blaming THAT for being the reason. which is a crock since i did not do that all along - and, rest assured, he will NOT be getting ANY calls from me and neither will my sister. now that i understand how much they HATE me. he went on and on about how i grieved the death of my dad for seven years and that that wasn't what people did - i asked him where does it say how people grieve? it goes on and on and on - but i LEARNED A LOT from that family meeting. my ideal in my head doesn't exist - at least not in MY family - when you get married and have kids - as my siblings have - to me that EXPANDS the family - not closes one out and starts another. so my sister and her family and my brother and his family are planning to go to the BAECH in outerbanks, NC again this summer (they go every year) - they are leaving this weekend. i told them it would have been nice to be invited - to rent a wheelchair van for my mom so we could all go. they looked at me in surprise, like they hadn't thought about that - instead they told their kids not to tell me or my mom. ANYWAY - my mom STILL loves them all - unconditionally - she is the peacemaker, the forgiver, the ultimate mom. while i feel a load lifted off my shoulders because now i don't have to wonder at all why they aren't coming around, i still get flashes of their statements going through my brain about how much they can't stand me - me - the sister who did so much for them and their kids all my life - in so many ways - and they think they are NORMAL and i am the freak - because i have run my own business for 20 years - because i have been there for my mom and dad - because i grieved when my dog died - and when my dad died - because i am who i am - an authentic child of God, a love-filled, joyous, caregiver, daughter. so yeah - hey - call that family meeting like the article said here! i did it! and it has freed me of wondering why my siblings aren't around. it is truly THEIR LOSS. as i write this, i am planning a trip to italy for me and my mom in the spring. i am planning a trip somewhere for thanksgiving and/or christmas so that we don't have to wonder if they will stop by for an hour before they go off to someone else's home, i am planning to have my mom start hyperbaric oxygen therapy and acupuncture, and i am praying. remaining every hopeful and faith-filled. all things are possible through the power of prayer.

I have tried everything to get my older sister and my younger brother to help me to help my mom, a recent stroke survivor. i was literally at my mom's side 20 hours a day, 7 days a week for 7 months w ...Read More

I have tried everything to get my older sister and my younger brother to help me to help my mom, a recent stroke survivor. i was literally at my mom's side 20 hours a day, 7 days a week for 7 months while she was in 3 hospitals and 2 nursing homes for rehab. (those other 4 hours were to come home, let our 2 dogs out, take a shower, and go back). i just found out today from one of my mom's 6-year-old grandkids that my sister and her family and my brother and his family are all, once again, planning their beach vacation to duck, north carolina in august. my little nephew said he was told by all of them "not to tell me" - but i guessed it. so here's my question to the universe - how is it my brother and sister (a teacher who has all summer off) find time to go on another vacation (my brother and his family were JUST on a vacation last week) and they can't find the time to come here and help me and/or to come here and spend quality time with our amazing mom? 24 hours in a day is not enough time for me to get everything done - to do all the therapy sessions with my mom - to do reading, learning, brain "exercises", to take a shower myself, to catch my breath, to act as if i am strong enough =physically, emotionally, financially, spritually. how do i forgive my sister and brother. how do i let this anger towards them go so it stops weighing heavy on my chest. i just don't get it. i don't get how they can act as if i don't need help - that my mom doesn't need their help. how do they go on acting as if my mom is not currenly wheelchair bound, as if my mom is not 100% dependent on me. i hate them for being so selfish. for being so blind. for being so cruel. for not getting it.