dedestock commented
2/19/2009 at 8:59 am
Marylyne, I do not think that your ill will will come back on you. You are giving up your happiness to try and help your parents. My pastor once told me that "honoring your father and mother" does n
...Read MoreMarylyne, I do not think that your ill will will come back on you. You are giving up your happiness to try and help your parents. My pastor once told me that "honoring your father and mother" does not mean giving up your own life. I have been struggling with that for many years and have catered to my mothers every need. But people who are emotionally unstable need to have the boundaries set. I did not listen to my pastor many years ago, to practice tough love and set my boundaries. If I had, then perhaps things wouldn't be as bad as they are today. Now, 7 years later, I am fed up and am beginning the boundary setting process. I still answer the phone when she calls (although that may end soon), I still go to her place to take care of her medications and other needs, but I can't have her around my family anymore and she will just have to learn to deal with it, or finally accept that it is her attitude and meanness that has driven us to this. When she called me last night, it was to continue to blame my son for this rift. She says all this happened because he cried, she couldn't get that he cried because of her evilness. She says I started this whole thing when I told her to leave my house. I told her that I ended it by asking her to leave, she had started it by the previous two hours of abuse that we had had to endure. She again, said that she hadn't done anything wrong and we were all against her, etc.... how does one deal with that logically. There is no way... and I cannot believe that the hours and time we have spent in misery will be marked against us. I believe that we have all earned many halos in heaven and hope that Gods plan includes happiness for us and our family sometime in the near future.
As far as taking too long to get her heating pad... If I am at the grocery store for her or running whatever other errands she needs, she will call me multiple times asking me where I am and why I'm not back yet. She just doesn't get, that by the time you drive to the place, park, do the shopping, etc... it will take more than 5 minutes, and that her constant harrassing phone calls will just make it take longer. I can't smile around her at all anymore, I can't remember what it was like to every have a good time with my mother and every holiday or family event is ruined by her... but, at least she doesn't live here!!
My mother also is used to going out to Sunday dinner, she and my dad went every Sunday. We can't afford to go out and eat every Sunday, so she said she would pay if we would just go with her. So we tried that for a while, but then we had to "kiss her a?????" because she made us beholding to her for paying, so that ended. Now we go out with her occasionally as a family, but she winds up crying or making the mean unbearable for all. I go with her on my own, but then she complains that the rest of the family hasn't come and berates my husband and children for not being there. If I don't go out with her at all, she is on the phone crying about what an ungrateful daughter I am because I won't go out to Sunday dinner with her. Whichever option I choose, I am miserable... and then if I do go with her and listen to her tirades, she is yelling at the restaurant and making a spectacle of herself, I am giving up time with my family to be abused and then feel guilty about being with her and not my family...
Very hard times that we have to deal with, isn't it? I can only tell you what others have told me, make the boundaries, stick to them and put on a shield to bounce off the insults. Well, that is easier said than done. A magic wand would be nice, huh?
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