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Irene (mindingmom)
Age: 75
Gender: Female

My name is Irene live in Las Vegas NV. My husband had a heart attack a year ago he also has lung problems...COPD.. he is on oxogen 24/7..I recenty brought my mother here to live with me. I took her out of a nursing home in PA. She was living with my brother who could not take care of her because of his wife who just didn't want her. My mother is 91 yrs old and is in good health other than the dementia and arthritis where she walks with a walker. I am 72 yrs old and trying to do the best that I c...Read More

I am caring for my husband, Harry, who is 76 years old, living at my home and the primary ailment is heart condition / stroke.

I am caring for my mother, Helen, who is 94 years old, living at my home and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia.

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April2Wood gave a hug 7/19/2010 at 11:58 pm

You are a trooper! Please dont give up!

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NAUSEATED commented 3/24/2009 at 12:02 am

Dear Irene, I know how you feel. I call my Dad Sybil too. It's like cranking the handle on the jack-in-the-box, you never know who is going to pop out. You are such a dear to do what you are doing. ...Read More

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Commented on a discussion 4/26/2009 at 4:05 pm

Balancing Elder Care With Other Relationships

Anne...no no...my husband comes first...but she still is my mother. You see I was raised with a mother who cared more for her siblings then her very own family. What I mean by her own family...I mean ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 4/25/2009 at 5:28 pm

Balancing Elder Care With Other Relationships

Caregiving is so hard on a marriage. I was married 52 years this last March and I feel like it is over for us. I should be enjoying or should I say clinging to what time I have left with my husband. ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 3/23/2009 at 5:03 pm

"I Love My Mother, But I Don't Like Her"

I haven't been here for a while, I thought everything was going OK. Well...not! Mom decided to be another person for a while....Sybil I call her. She decided not to go to day care anymore which means I have no time to myself or for my husband at all. She decided to be nasty and mean and even have an ugly look on her face. She wouldn't get dressed only sat around and rocked. She wouldn't eat and when the visiting angel (helper) came she wouldn't let her bathe her. She was like this for one week. Then one night she walked out of the bedroom and said..."I feel good now..I think I was sick." I thought wow this is great...we watched TV together and laughed at some of the shows. Then the next morning which was Sunday seemed still OK, I went to Church and when I came home there was Sybil again. How could this be? How could someone walk into a room and come out someone else? So quick! By Sunday night she was good again. The next morning...monday...she decided to go to day care. She has been going for 3 weeks now. She loves the visiting angel again. The social worker at the day care was giving me a lot of advise. I told her I can't deal with this ..I don't understand this...I can't seem to get it into my head that a person can change in minutes like this. They become someone else. I was ready to put her in a group home.

I then went to an alzheimer's support meeting to try to understand what I am going thru. I learned a lot. I learned that there are 3 golden rules for living with dementia.
1. Re-Direct, Re-Direct, Re-Direct
2. teach yourself to lie, lie, lie therapeutically
3. Never, Never, Never argue...(you are never going to win)

I am trying very hard to understand all this, and so far it seems to be helping. While all this was happening my husband who is on oxygen got sick. Gee....I'm 72 years old, I am so tired. My brothers don't call...what do they care!

Everymorning I pray that it will be a good day. I never know what to expect. I just take one day at a time.

Thanks for listening...Love you guys.

Commented on a discussion 2/7/2009 at 12:42 pm

Balancing Elder Care With Other Relationships

Dear sooz, I am so sorry for your lose. My prayers are with you. Your story is so much like mine. It all started when my husband had a heart attack and had to be on oxygen 24/7. I noticed I started lo ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 1/29/2009 at 2:58 pm

Balancing Elder Care With Other Relationships

You talk about the cargiver who is not that old herself because mom had her at a late age. What about the caregiver who herself is in her 70's because mom had her at a very early age. I'm 72 and I ha ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 1/17/2009 at 5:19 pm

Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Hi all..
I need to vent. It always feels so good to come on this site and vent and no one judges me. Sometimes I feel like I will burn in hell for the way I think.
...Read More

Hi all..
I need to vent. It always feels so good to come on this site and vent and no one judges me. Sometimes I feel like I will burn in hell for the way I think.

My 91 yr old mother can be so difficult at times. I take her to day care 3 times a week and on those 3 days she gives me a hard time. I hear excuses like .."I don't have to go so early...I don't feel good.....my stomach bothers me....you can pick me up early" and so on and so on. But...when the days come that she don't have to go she is up early and nothing bothers her. I also have a husband who has very bad COPD and on oxygen and I feel bad that we don't spend time together. He watches TV in the bedroom at night by himself because when mom is in the living room she keeps reading every word on the screen out loud. She stays up until 10 or 11 pm if I let her. I try to tell her to go to bed early so she can get up early and not be so tired all the time. When we don't go to day care she just sits around...sleeps...and won't even get dressed. I hate seeing this.

Mom wants me to take her out everyday and shop. I just can't do that. Here is an example: We were in Wal-mart...mom can't walk without a walker, but when I go for long shopping tours I use a small transport wheelchair. So I put her in the chair, because she don't know how to operate a mobile one, at the same time I am suffering with arthritis in my foot limping all over the place and then at the same time I am pulling a shopping wagon. So here we are knocking down displays..people running to us and me getting so embarrassed. Finally I said..."That's it we are going home." Well mom looks at me and says.."Why there is nothing wrong with you!"

She also has dementia...I can't even carry on a conversation. Sometimes I'm sorry I start one.

OK...thanks for listening to me...I guess today is not a good day for me..I am so stressed out.

Neonwock I am just starting to read Rick Warren's book on The Purpose Driven Life. I need to know what on earth am I here for...I know it will be a big help.

Commented on a discussion 12/31/2008 at 6:10 pm

Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

TO ALL MY VENTING BUDDIES, AND I LOVE YOU ALL. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

WISHING FOR A LESS STRESSFUL YEAR.....DO YA THINK!!!!

Commented on a discussion 12/21/2008 at 12:06 am

How do I get my sick elderly mother to eat when she refuses?

I have the same problem with the eating. It just started. Mom is 91 and all of a sudden doesn't want meat. She is 5'3 and weights 108 lbs, now you must think this is ok but it's not for her.
...Read More

Commented on a discussion 12/20/2008 at 11:14 am

Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Dear AuntieCedent,

So sorry to hear about your husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless you and your family.

Commented on a discussion 12/18/2008 at 1:17 pm

Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Hi Ballnchain,
Barbees is right...do it for your mom. Do not worry about what other people say or think about you...until they fill your shoes then maybe they will understand. I think my brothers ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 12/13/2008 at 11:05 am

Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

Hi Susan, PJ is right there are govt. programs that may help you. Please check it out we all need the help. I just got my mom on Medicaid and they also will give me the help I need. I am totaly burnt ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 12/10/2008 at 10:26 pm

Needing to vent: Our parents are like children.

I know what you are going through Roxie..I am caring for my 91 yr old mother who I took out of a nursing home because my brother put her there. I am the only daughter with 3 brothers who don't care at ...Read More

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