shamrtime commented
2/17/2010 at 1:22 pm
I know how frustrating your situation is. For health and mobility reasons, I moved my mom and step dad to a continuing care retirement community 4 years ago. My mom helped in the selection process a
...Read MoreI know how frustrating your situation is. For health and mobility reasons, I moved my mom and step dad to a continuing care retirement community 4 years ago. My mom helped in the selection process and was encouraged by her 4 sisters to move to one close to them so they could visit and "help" her. It is 5 hours from my sister and I. I am the oldest child. My mom has suffered with depression her entire life - she's been hospitalized for it several times, had shock therapy when I was a toddler, tried to commit suicide twice and has been on serious powerful anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and sleeping pill medications as long as I can remember. She's a hypochondriac and is always sick or complaining of every ailment under the sun. She has been tested for every disease known to man but nothing has been found. My step dad died two years ago and she has gone even more down hill. She's the opposite of your mom in that she wants to go to every doctor in a 60 mile radius until she finds the one that will know what is wrong with her. Most of the doctors tell her her chronic pain is caused by her depression and anxiety, she gets angry, calls them names, tells me they are stupid and mean to her and then goes on her quest to find a new doctor! She expects me to help find out what is wrong with her and I've even taken off days from work to drive all the way to her house, take her to appointments at John Hopkins, and try to drive back to my house. It ends up being 13 hours on the road and the doctors at JH tell her it is just normal aging aches and pains, which she refuses to accept. Every conversation (I call her every other day) is exactly the same, so depressing and she doesn't even ask about her grandchildren or any other subject for that matter. All we can talk about is her pain, her frustration and why aren't I helping her. I have invested a lot of time and energy in trying to help, my sister doesn't do much at all and my aunts, who wanted her to move there, now want nothing to do with her because it is just such a depressing situation. If they do call or visit, it is just her complaining and being depressed and they don't know what to say anymore. My children don't want to visit and I can't say that I blame them since she just wants to sit on the couch, pull up her pants and show the "rashes" on her legs and the "weird veins" she has all over her body. She needs to move up to assisted living but if she does she cannot take her cats and so she refuses to go. I truly think she would be happier being surrounded by other elderly and having social interaction instead of sitting around by herself every day making herself miserable. I've actually had some therapy to help me with my feelings of guilt and not knowing what to do, and all I can tell you is if you are doing the best you can to help, you have to be kind to yourself and realize you can't "fix" her or make it better. Best of luck to you and your family.
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