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My husband and I moved in into my parents home in June of 2006 to care for them on a full time basis. Prior to this I had found them a live in caregiver who was wonderful, except the women did not drive. My dad was on hospice and bed ridden. My mom was still having to do all the driving (grocery, bank, doctors) but was wearing out because of copd, atrial fibrillation and a bad hip. My husbands health was also poor and found it difficult to do his regular work. So it seemed like a good idea to p...Read More

My husband and I moved in into my parents home in June of 2006 to care for them on a full time basis. Prior to this I had found them a live in caregiver who was wonderful, except the women did not drive. My dad was on hospice and bed ridden. My mom was still having to do all the driving (grocery, bank, doctors) but was wearing out because of copd, atrial fibrillation and a bad hip. My husbands health was also poor and found it difficult to do his regular work. So it seemed like a good idea to pool our resources. We would care for them in their home and they intern would pay us instead of a stranger and save money (about half). Sounds good huh? Well I had no idea what a struggle I would have emotionally leaving our home (finding renters), leaving our friends, church, clubs...all that was our life. I have suffered terrible anxiety and depression and have been on medication to try to combat the crippling affects that theses disorders cause. I have gotten into yelling matches with my mother because she does not want any change in her life and will seldom allow us to improve her home which is in disrepair. I have lost communication with old friends. Do not go to church with my husband as we take turns so someone is at home when my mother awakes. Days filled with the mundane have turned into months and years, meals planed around their needs not our wants, t.v. programs of my mothers choosing. I could go on and on.
My dad has now passed on and my mother was just diagnosed with heart failure and is on water pills as well as all her other meds for her other health issues. The doctors say she has maybe a year.
My dad was on hospice for almost 2 years. I found his passing sad but once he was gone I felt relief. It was hard for me to recognize the signal, of my dad clenching his teeth closed at meal time, as a way of him saying 'do not feed me I am ready to go'. Hospice gave the OK to stop feeding him or should I say forcing him. I just was unable to make that judgment call. He slipped away two days later, quietly and peacefully.
As for my mom, I sure hope she doesn't suffer. From what I have read about her conditions it could go either way. Her heart could just stop or she could slowly suffocate to death. Please dear Lord not the later.
And as for me I will stay the course. Good days and bad days. I know in time I will complete my task. With Gods strength not mine it will be accomplished.
A bit of encouragement:
On the morning of July fourth, Nineteen Fifty-two, the California Coast was blanketed in a heavy fog …Twenty miles to the West, on Catalina Island, a thirty-four-year-old woman waded into the water and began swimming to California. Her name was Florence Chadwick. She had already become the first woman to swim the English Channel in both directions and she was determined to be the first woman ever to swim the twenty-one-mile Strait between Catalina and California. The Fog was so thick that Chadwick could barely see the boats in her own party. But as the hours ticked by, she swam on through the cold waters. The bone-chilling water became a problem, but she was never threatened by fatigue. Her biggest problem was the dense fog. After more than fifteen-hours, her body numbed with the cold, the swimmer asked to be taken out of the water. Later, she learned that when she gave up, she was only a half mile from shore. Florence later said "I know that if I could have seen the shore I might have made it." Florence Chadwick was defeated not by the sea or even the cold, but by the fog. The fog had obscured her vision. The fog had obscured her goal.
Look ahead all you caregivers. There is a finish line. The things that block our vision are just obstructions they are not the goal line. I pray the Lords strength for you all.

I am caring for my mother, who is 83 years old, living at home and the primary ailment is heart condition / stroke.