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lonken
Age: 40
Gender: Female

I'm a 40 yo wife and mother of two young girls. I care for my grandmother who has Alzheimer's in my home. She has been living with us for over 5 years. My immediate family and I have made a lot of sacrifices to keep her out of a nursing home. As for now, she is in early stages. Some days are better than others. I have very little help from others in the family.

I am caring for my grandmother, who is 88 years old, living at my home and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia.

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On My Mind...

Thank you all for your hugs and comments. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

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Jam gave a hug 8/4/2011 at 8:47 pm

Big hugs for you and the job you are doing. Yes, it's extremely difficult and takes a tremendous toll on our lives...but we just keep plodding along. Sometimes you have to make decisions for the goo ...Read More

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cwasser commented 7/21/2011 at 4:25 pm

Just a quick comment to PatRN's comment "If grandma has assets you should start using them now....." Please please...be very careful when "using others assets" doing so can land you in civil litigatio ...Read More

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anonymous51973 gave a hug 7/17/2011 at 10:27 am

I give you this hug on the comment you made. yes you are on the mark. Some people to come out and tell us this and that but we all live in this world of Alzheimers all different and we live. You get ...Read More

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mhmarfil gave a hug 7/17/2011 at 2:59 am

So... before writing another "fancy" article, please take into consideration who your audience is. Like was said before, perhaps a better place for your article would have been a magazine meant to be ...Read More

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Creed gave a hug 7/11/2011 at 10:49 pm

It's not easy being care giver without much help and then for family to critize you is just wrong. Your heart is good and you need a hug for just hanging in there!

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opalclay57 gave a hug 4/14/2011 at 2:45 pm

I read your experience. I cannot even imagine what you are feeling right now. All I know is the you will certainly be rewarded for what you have and are doing. You did say these things to be patted on ...Read More

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cwasser gave a hug 4/3/2011 at 8:04 am

You can always file a claim against the estate for her care after she passes away but in order to prevail you will have to submit detailed and itemized bills and receipts. I would do it just so greedy ...Read More

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/1/2010 at 12:44 pm

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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tracichudej commented 1/28/2010 at 12:34 am

Thank you for your thoughts. It is tough but I know God is in control! Hugs back!

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PatRN gave a hug 1/22/2010 at 4:23 pm

If grandma has assets you should start using them now. Get your attorney to do a "care contract" and start sending the uncle the bills.

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lonken posted 1/22/2010 at 2:05 pm

PBro... thanks so much for the hug! I really needed it.

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PBro gave a hug 1/21/2010 at 11:54 am

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Commented on a discussion 8/4/2011 at 8:23 pm

The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?

Jam, So many times we hear "God will bless you in the hereafter for what you are doing" but sometimes I want my blessing now. Thank you for asking how I am. Lots of times we caregivers don't get that.
...Read More

On My Mind... 7/17/2011 at 11:50 pm

Thank you all for your hugs and comments. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Wrote on cwasser's wall 7/17/2011 at 11:47 pm

Thank you for the hug and your comments. I didn't know I could file a claim against her estate. I do keep all our receipts so that wouldn't be too difficult to come up with. Thanks.

Wrote on anonymous51973's wall 7/17/2011 at 11:45 pm

Thank you for the hug. I think all us caregivers need one of those every day. HUGS!

Answered a question 7/16/2011 at 5:09 pm

My brother has been using my mother's money for things other than her rental money. How do I recoup this money for my mom?

Definitely seek the advice of an attorney, preferrably one who has experience in geriatric issues. What your brother is doing is theft! Don't let him get away with stealing from your poor mother.

Gave a hug to Angela1959 7/16/2011 at 1:00 pm

I read your post under that "fluff" article about making caregiving a business. I feel so much for you. I, too, have dealt with depression issues while caring for my grandmother with Alzheimer's in my ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 7/16/2011 at 12:53 pm

How to Run Caregiving like a Business

Ms. Sollitto,

I understand where you are coming from with this article. As someone who was "thrown" into caregiving with no idea of all the legal things that go with it, I can see valid points in your article. Yes, we must make sure that we have the ability to control (so to speak) our loved ones financial and medical worlds. However, we CANNOT nor should we remove ourselves emotionally from the "business" of being caregivers.

All the posts I have read thus far make much more valid points. It is easy to say "get help" from those "family bystanders," but until you've been there where your family members basically tell you that their loved one is "too much of a hassle" for them to help out you really don't know how it goes in the real world. I care for my grandmother. My uncle (who really has nothing to do with her except to call a few times a week) is her medical poa. However, he isn't the one who takes her to the doctor every three months or the ER whenever she has chest pains or a severe nosebleed. He isn't the one who administers her medicine every morning and night.

I have to pay her bills (though his name is also on everything), but I cannot sign her checks. I have to basically argue with her every time I have to pay one of her bills because she doesn't think she should be writing a check for a bill she thinks she doesn't have. She has Alzheimers. If I had it to do over again, I would have hired an attorney and had myself put in charge of all her legal stuff... or I wouldn't have moved her in with my family.

We have many issues in our family that we would not have had without her here. I have two girls, ages 6 and 11. We have not had a family vacation since my younger daughter was 18 months old. We cannot. We cannot afford to have someone stay with my grandmother, and none of the family are willing to help. We've suffered financially, having to close out savings accounts and CDs; a life insurance policy and a 401K. Our girls have to sit back and watch their cousins go on yearly vacations to Disney and Holiday World and so many other fun places... which they brag about. It's not fun and it's not fair. But it's the decision " I " made!

So... before writing another "fancy" article, please take into consideration who your audience is. Like was said before, perhaps a better place for your article would have been a magazine meant to be read in the doctor's waiting room.

Wrote on indyrose's wall 7/11/2011 at 7:30 pm

Indy, Bless you for all you do. I care for my 87 yo grandmother who also has Alzh. She has been living with my fam for 5+ years. I have an 11 yo and a 6 yo. Times are tough, especially when gran acts ...Read More

Answered a question 4/10/2011 at 11:45 pm

My 91-year-old father is obsessed with buying cares. He has bought 7 cars in 4 years. How can we get him to stop?

I have to say that this kind of sounds like my grandmother (who has Alzheimers)... though she will hold tight to a penny even if there are a thousand others in her purse. (If you know what I mean) I r ...Read More

Answered a question 4/10/2011 at 11:38 pm

My elderly aunt moved in with us and will not stay out of our end of the house. How do I get her to stop invading our space and respect our need for privacy?

My 87 year old grandmother lives with us. We bought a duplex and renovated when she either had to go to a nursing home or live with family. No one else (even her son) wanted to help. She has her own L ...Read More

Gave a hug to shadowstorm53 3/5/2011 at 4:33 pm

shadow... Here's a hug and some flowers. I implore you to take the next step and find a facility for your mother no matter how far away it is from you. I know it will be hard to do, but you must do wh ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 3/5/2011 at 4:30 pm

"I Love My Mother, But I Don't Like Her"

shadowstorm53,

Taking care of your mother has totally devoided you of a life. You MUST, in my opinion, find a care facility for your mother... even if it is a ways away from you. You will n ...Read More

Gave a hug to BOZOLUCY09 12/22/2010 at 11:16 pm

God Bless you for caring for your grandmother. I'm caring for my grandmother as well. She has been living with my family for 4 years. It has it's ups and downs, but there is a whole lot of blessing th ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 12/2/2010 at 8:57 am

My mother is dying and my sister-in-law hasn't called or visit in 6 months and she only lives an hour away.

I totally understand everyone's feelings here. I took my grandmother in to my home to keep her out of a nursing facility. We had to buy a bigger home and cannot sell the old one due to the economic ti ...Read More

Gave a hug to marsha797 11/1/2010 at 8:15 pm

Bless you for taking care of your grandmother. Please, make sure you are taking care of yourself... especially financially. When you finances get bad, you health gets bad too from the stress. Make sur ...Read More

Answered a question 11/1/2010 at 8:12 pm

How do I take care of an aging grandparent?

Marsha,
I am taking care of my grandmother who has Alzheimers. She has been living with my family for over 4 years. The only money we get from her is to pay her part of the bills (one-fifth of th ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 9/30/2010 at 5:16 pm

Top 3 Excuses From Siblings Who Don't Help With Caregiving

I totally understand this whole article. And boy, I'm there.

I care for my 86 year old grandmother. My uncle, her only living child, lives only a 30 minute drive away and visits only three ...Read More

Answered a question 6/17/2010 at 3:32 pm

II was told that if my daughter helps take care of my mother, that Social Security will pay gas money and for the cost of taking care of her during the day. Is this true?

Rhondee,
I'm glad that you have a daughter who is willing to help with her own grandmother. I am also glad to see that you are trying to do whatever you can to see if there is a way you can help ...Read More

Answered a question 4/21/2010 at 3:30 pm

My 75-year-old mother lives with us and is convinced that we are trying to kill her and steal her stuff. The doctor said this is normal in the aging process. Is this normal?

I don't see that as normal. I see that in my 86 year old grandmother who has Alzheimers. DON'T trust that doctor. Get a second opinion or even a third. If that were a sign of "normal" aging, my church ...Read More

Answered a question 4/21/2010 at 3:23 pm

Is it wrong to charge my mother-in-law with dementia for living with us?

My grandmother, who has Alzheimers, have been living with my family for three and a half years. She does not pay us to live here or for me to take care of her or help pay her bills. I do keep all the ...Read More

Gave a hug to CNichols 3/3/2010 at 5:55 pm

Thanks for the info. I've done lots of internet research, but I hadn't come across this one for natural products. I'll definitely discuss adding this to her diet with her doctor. Thanks again.

Answered a question 3/3/2010 at 12:08 pm

My grandmother hallucinates and has dreams she has described to be very real. What is this and what can I do?

My grandfather had hallucinations. I believe that he had a reaction to the radiation he was receiving for colon cancer.

When they believe something has really happened. You cannot disagree ...Read More

Gave a hug to MotherJackie 3/3/2010 at 11:49 am

MotherJackie, I commend you for making your mother's life so much better for the 5 years that you were able to keep her in your home. God will bless you for it and has blessed your mother for it.

Answered a question 3/3/2010 at 11:47 am

I placed my mother in a nursing home several months ago. Is it too soon to give her possessions to family members?

I commend you for taking care of your mother as long as you could. You made her life better all those years!!!!

I care for my grandmother in my home. I have for 3 years now. She has told me ...Read More

Gave a hug to tracichudej 1/27/2010 at 11:24 pm

Hi. I'm 38 and care for my grandmother. I, too, have two children... ages 5 and 9. My gran argues a lot with my 9 year old. I tell her that if she doesn't stop harassing my daughter that I will put he ...Read More

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