Answered a question 11/28/2011 at 7:34 am
I have plenty of thoughts on this. When I was Primary Caregiver for my MIL. She had the whole downstairs--it was part living room, bedroom and even had a bathroom down there. It was like her assisted
...Read MoreI have plenty of thoughts on this. When I was Primary Caregiver for my MIL. She had the whole downstairs--it was part living room, bedroom and even had a bathroom down there. It was like her assisted living room at the nursing home, where she was before I offered to take care of her. My only request was that everyone (she had 5 kids and I was married to one of them) help out at least once a week. She paid room and board and I was paid for being her Primary Caregiver. I wasn't expecting that part until my DPOA SIL suggested it. We did our fair share of taking her to medical appts., and out to eat, to the park, to church, etc. My husband was the main one who took care of her house when she lived in it, so he took care of the things that needed fixing when she lived in our house. The DPOA SIL took her o/n 1-2 nights a wk or every other wk. The oldest SIL helped out when she could (on the wkends--usually taking her for dinner) The youngest SIL helped out by giving her a shower every week. I, sometimes, gave her a shower as well. The middle SIL helped out by drawing her blood at the house and taking it to the hospital to get tested (occasionally) and occasionally helped us out by watching her. ...but when I asked if she could help her brother and me out by coming over and watching her a little more often, she fell silent. There's no way we could do all the extras for her if she wasn't paying us. We accepted far less than what my MIL was paying at the assisted living facility and she has a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) code on her. I found out it doesn't take long to get your NA license, but I don't know if I want to do that. I don't miss taking her to the bathroom or showering her. I guess the biggest slap in the face was when the DPOA SIL called my husband and said my MIL was going into the NH. Didn't even ask for my opinion (even though I spent the most time with her and knew what she needed) or my husband's (and he's one of her children). It was like pulling teeth, in the end, to get anyone of the girls to come over. The oldest, DPOA SIL, and youngest SIL were there in the end. It was like pulling teeth to get the middle to come over and MIL was falling more and more. I think some of them occurred at night and that's how she got the bruises. I wanted to call in the Nurse Aides, but DPOA SIL wouldn't hear of it. I only wanted them for a week--to see if she, truly, was falling at night. She began to have more seizures and hard to take care of, so rather than giving me the help I needed, DPOA SIL just pulled her out of here. Not caring what MIL wanted or needed. Medicare only pays for so long of a period of time, then if you don't have money, you lay limp. Don't get me wrong, I love my SILs, but they didn't share everything with us (what foods she ate when she was over at their house, etc.) . Sometimes, she had large bathroom (b/r) accidents in bed or in the b/r. Now my MIL is in a wheelchair (w/c) and can't walk. Or won't walk. Still haven't figured that one out. She wasn't like that when she went into the NH. Sometimes, she'd even outwalk me (faster than me).