Answered a question 7/2/2009 at 11:15 am
I will give you my advice, for what it's worth, knowing that ultimately, the final decision is yours and only you know in your heart what is best for you and your father-in-law. I will tell you that
...Read MoreI will give you my advice, for what it's worth, knowing that ultimately, the final decision is yours and only you know in your heart what is best for you and your father-in-law. I will tell you that I do not know a single family caregiver that doesn't feel some kind of guilt. My guess is that even if you did pass on graduate school to care for your father-in-law, you might still feel some kind of guilt - perhaps that you're not doing enough, perhaps you had to take some time to yourself, or something along those lines. Additionally, the sad truth is that caregiving, particularly for a family member, is one of the most stressful jobs one can have. In fact, there is research that indicates that many caregivers actually die before the individual they're caring for. Stress and burnout are all too common. Personally, I do not think you are selfish for considering graduate school no more than I would consider you selfish for being thirsty for a glass of water. You have the right to at least consider it - let go of the guilt. Yes, there are other alternatives for your father-in-law. In addition to institutional care such as nursing homes and assisted living facilites, you could arrange home care for periods when you or your husband (or another relative) cannot be there. Then you, or your husband could fill in the gaps - i.e. spend time with him when you can. Under this type of arrangement, you will most likely even find that the time you spend with your father in law is "quality" time, as opposed to "caregiver" time. At the end of the day, everyone will be a lot happier. Feel free to reach out - Best, Jeff