Member Profile

Unfortunately, I have found that the shame and disgrace of a sibling that's unscrupulous stops us from sharing our stories. With the baby boomers coming into this arena, we need to join forces, stand ...Read More

Unfortunately, I have found that the shame and disgrace of a sibling that's unscrupulous stops us from sharing our stories. With the baby boomers coming into this arena, we need to join forces, stand together and warn others of the pitfalls of caring for a parent with dementia. It has now been six years since I was called by APS and it has exhauted my finances, since I was not allowed to be paid out of Dad's trust, due to the extortion. I was forced to bring Dad into my home and try to hold down a job, pay the both of our expenses and raise my grandson. I failed. I am now facing foreclosure on my home of 10 years, and live from commission to commission which is sometimes months apart. Trying to do the right thing has destroyed me financially, emotionally and physically. I was a strong, able bodied, financially stable single women, but the system broke me. At 63 there is no one to turn to, no where to go, and I am waiting to hear if BofA is going to allow me to keep my home. I needed compassion, inspiration and encouragement. I got criticism, threats, and a 5 year long court battle, just to save Dad's life. The money was aleady gone.

Thanks for the info. I will contact them. As you, I intend to us my experience to make a difference for the elderly. Unless you have walked in the shoes of one of us who has been on the battlefield ...Read More

Thanks for the info. I will contact them. As you, I intend to us my experience to make a difference for the elderly. Unless you have walked in the shoes of one of us who has been on the battlefield, one can have no idea of the abuse and exploitation that takes place, and the corruption that exists amongst those who are paid to protect!

You are lucky you can keep your Dad at home. unfortunately, I have to work to keep the bills paid. I almost lost my home, and all but lost my buisness this past five years. Dad's home was in CA and ...Read More

You are lucky you can keep your Dad at home. unfortunately, I have to work to keep the bills paid. I almost lost my home, and all but lost my buisness this past five years. Dad's home was in CA and it was embezzled by a care giver who revoked the Family Trust.

I have been trying to raise my grandson, care for Pops, and run a business. Now I am the one who is brokern. I don't know how anyone does this with a person who needs 24 hour care, and funds all the expenses both for themself and the ones you are caring for. I fauled after 5 years. I simply can not do 3 things at once. My real estate business isn't 9 - 5. I could not find anyone who could be available when i was with clients late at night or could pick up my grandson from school No buses were available where we live. My grandson just left this summer to go back to Mom's after 8 years with me, but he says i took his childhood away from him. Losing him has really hurt my heart, but I simply gave out. I I could really use some prayers right now. I'm broke and tired.

I have placed Dad in skilled nursing, assisted living, and dementia care facilities. I have hired home caregivers and have done it myself. I have learned over the past five years, that competence an ...Read More

I have placed Dad in skilled nursing, assisted living, and dementia care facilities. I have hired home caregivers and have done it myself. I have learned over the past five years, that competence and integrity can not be regulated. Dad most recently had a 43 YO insane, HIV positive felon for a room mate in an assited living group home, that was referred to me as a “real Christian home.”

Elder care is a multi billion dollar business and the folks who operate these facilities are for the most part no more than body brokers. I have learned that there is no federal regulation over assisted living or in home care. That’s all regulated at the state level, thus the difference in differing states. However, skilled nursing facilities are governed by Federal guidelines.

I have paid $65.00 per bath, for baths that were never provided in a high end skilled facility and in an assisted living facility. Even with Dr orders, or with private funds, one can not control the number of baths that are given unless you are there to supervise. I discovered that Dad had been showering himself in the high end facility for an entire year, at a cost of over $1,000.00 per month. The CNA’s simply charted that it was done, and no one ever questioned. They rolled him into the shower, turned the water on, and left him to himself, with dementia and only one arm. All he did was sit there. I discovered that one when I had to take him by van to CA for a court hearing. He got wet from the rain while getting in the van, and I was subjected to the worst case of BO anyone ever smelled. It took two showers just to get the heavy fog out of the shower. Of course there was no refund of money when I confronted the DON, even thought the care givers admitted it. They said they thought he could shower himself. HA!

The second place was at Sunrise, another well known facility. I was also charged per shower at that facility. Again the care giver simply charted that showers were provided. No questions. Dad finally presented with stage 2 pressure sores when he told me his butt hurt. I literally pulled his skin off with his under shorts when I tried to check his bottom. It had been documented that Dad had been showered that morning, but the urine had dried multiple times causing an infection that caused his shorts to stick to his butt. I took digital photos of that one, but the director simply came in and removed the memory card from my digital camera while I was tending Dad. Again, no refund, just a nasty letter from the director, telling me “No one likes you, You have no friends here”. And what does my friendship have to do with receiving the care for sheikh I am paying?

I don’t have a lot of good things to say about elder care. I have spent over $10,000 a month on care, only to be defrauded, embezzled, and exploited. The term used by administration is “head to the bed”. This is all about money, not care. The last facility Dad was in hired illegal immigrants, who could not read or write English, therefore could not read a menu or a care plan. Dad was served bread and water for dinner and fried wieners for breakfast. I learned that the food comes from the local food bank, that the sister, who is a minister, operates.

I have just reported to the courts, the misappropriation of federal funds and the immigration issue. and have asked for a court investigator to investigate this last home’s illegal activity. I have complained to the ombudsman, APS, and the Dept of health. I was just informed by the county who runs the ombudsman program, that if they closed down every illegal elder care facility that there would be no where to place the seniors. My response to that is if we cleaned them up, we just might be able to hire legal American citizens who actually cared and bring a level of competence and care to the industry. Perhaps then the care providers would actually receive fair pay for a fair day’s work and the owner’s would not be getting rich off of our parents. The last place Dad was in operates ten homes, grosses over 3 million dollars per year, yet has strategically placed the homes in foreclosure (quit paying the mortgage) so her sister can buy them back at half the price. She hires illegal immigrants at $2.50 per hour, and gets the food from the food bank. Now, I don’t know how you feel about this, but I’m mad. Our elder’s are being used as an illegal profit center, and no one seems to care.

This has taken away five years of my life, my life savings, the majority of my income for the past five years, just to oversee Dad’s care. Elder care is a front for illegal business operations, that includes mortgage fraud, rent scamming, Medicare fraud, slave trade. This doesn’t even touch the surface of the exploitation and fraud to the folks like me who have used our hard earned income to support these fraudulent businesses. The problem is that the folks running these businesses have been defrauding the American public a lot longer than we have been on to them and their unscrupulous activities. I have reported to every conceivable entity only to be told my “allegations are unsubstantiated”.

I am making a video this week with one of the care givers who has agreed to be video taped and tell all. I think it will be very interesting. I intend for my experience to make a difference for others. If I can’t stop it, perhaps I can expose it.

The requirement vay from state to state. AZ and CA are the two least regulated states when it comes to elder care. The home Dad is currently in provides food form the food bank, consisting mainly of ...Read More

The requirement vay from state to state. AZ and CA are the two least regulated states when it comes to elder care. The home Dad is currently in provides food form the food bank, consisting mainly of hotdogs, bologna and soup. Background checks are not required, illegal immigrants provide care much of the time at rates far below minimum wage. Dad's care giver has informed me that he makes $2 per hour. They become slaves to the greedy home owners who have come to this country as immigrants, let us pay for their education, then set themselves up as Salve masters over both the care givers and the residents. Be cautious

It's been reported to the state ombudsman, the Dept of Health, SCAN long term care, and I am now contacting the judge who presided over this man's case. The owner of the facility is his court mandat ...Read More

It's been reported to the state ombudsman, the Dept of Health, SCAN long term care, and I am now contacting the judge who presided over this man's case. The owner of the facility is his court mandated supervisor. He was released from prison to go to her behavioral health home, but the owner got that one shut down, through a mortgage scam, so she just moved him into one of her assisted living homes with the elderly. Would you want this man living with your aged parent?

you guys are wonderful! I feel like giving up but can't. I just got a call from Apria today to take away his pressure pad on his hospital bed and his trapeze bar for him to adjust himself. I lost i ...Read More

you guys are wonderful! I feel like giving up but can't. I just got a call from Apria today to take away his pressure pad on his hospital bed and his trapeze bar for him to adjust himself. I lost it. Thank all of you so much. I have posted much of my story on site in hopes one of the offenders would sue me. At least then the publci would know about the dark side of elder care. I have nothing left to lose.

Thank you again. I can't tell you how much it means to hear from someone who's been there.
Jeanette

My christmas gift this year is the foreclosure of my personal home. After dad was embezzled out of his personal funds, I was advised by my AZ attorney to take out a persoanl loan to cover his expense ...Read More

My christmas gift this year is the foreclosure of my personal home. After dad was embezzled out of his personal funds, I was advised by my AZ attorney to take out a persoanl loan to cover his expenses, since he had no income to cover lhis long term care cost, which I did for $250,000.00. I also sold my rental property and lived on those proceeds while trying to care for him. When that was gone, I refinanced my personal home in order to pay my bills, while trying to run my Real Estate business part time. My gift in return is the loss of my pesonal home of 9 years. I was first told I didn't make enough money, while I was still paying Dad's bills, now that he is on state funded care, after 5 years of single handedly caring for him, and i am able to return to work full time, I was just told yesterday that I make too much money to qualify for the Making Home Affordable program. Merry Christmas to me.

Wayne,

I was in your situation only 5 years ago. I learned that you will have to pay from her cash assets to cover the cost of her care. If the housing market is in the dumps as it is in ...Read More

Wayne,

I was in your situation only 5 years ago. I learned that you will have to pay from her cash assets to cover the cost of her care. If the housing market is in the dumps as it is in other parts of the US. and you run out of cash, you may not be forced to sell her home. I learned that there is a form that allows the state to take over the cost of her care, as long as the house is listed for sale. They will place a lein on her property to cover the cost of care, which will be less than private pay, and will be paid upon the sale. of the properlty. Under no curcumstances should you take out a personal loan to cover the costs of her long term care, as I was advised to do. Use her cash assets, and find a good Elder Care attorney that is experienced in long term care planning.

I also learnd never to allow a care giver into mine or Dad's homes without a monitoring system in place. Care givers literally bagged up our personal belongings and took them home with them at night. There are cameras which can be connected to your home computer at a minimal cost, and certainly much less costly than losing all of your personal belongings. I even made the cameras visible. It sure made a difference. I have posted my personal experiences with elder care on my website www.PhoenixAgent.com, click on the elder resources link to learn more about the common tactics used by Facilities and providers to increase profits and cut down on costs. Don't become a secondary victim to the elder care system.

Thanks

I changed my photo to show off my Dad. I am so proud of him. Isn't he a handsome man? Even in a wheelchair, he still attracts the girls, and....he is a complete gentleman.

Thanks, I have done that before placing Dad anywhere. The problem is that you don't get to choose your care giver. I have seen some really good ones that are compassionate, but after admission, they ...Read More

Thanks, I have done that before placing Dad anywhere. The problem is that you don't get to choose your care giver. I have seen some really good ones that are compassionate, but after admission, they change caregivers, you don't get the care giver you met prior to admission. I usually get a male due to Dad's size and the fact that he can not stand to transfer, which does complicate things. I just left the group home that Dad is in. The owner's moved out of the home two weeks after I placed Dad there. On todays visit, a female resident fell out of her reclining chair three times, she kept yelling, and the care giver came over and cupped his hand over her mouth to shut her up. I went to find him when she started to fall again and he just shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Another female resident was playing Dominoes with Dad. The care giver told her to hurry up with her drink. She stated she wasn't finished, but the care giver tried to take it anyway. She picked it up and moved it away from him. He walked around the table to get it, and she moved it back. He looked at her sternly and said "You crazy!" I spoke to one of the resident's husband and he said he had made several complaints to the owner, and the owner told him he was prejudice. It has been my experience that when families complain the facilities usually try to put up a smoke screen by blaming us for the problem. For me, it's been accussed of being abusive, for him, it's being prejudice. Without laws to change the elder care environment, I'm afraid this is jus the way it's gonna be. Wow, I wonder how loving they are when no one is there.

United we stand, divided we fall, and if our backs should be against the wall, we'll stand together, together, you and I.

Thanks

Thank you. If we can't die with dignity and the respect of the younger generation, what has all the wars been about? Why not just roll over and play dead? This is an issue that everyone needs to be ...Read More

Thank you. If we can't die with dignity and the respect of the younger generation, what has all the wars been about? Why not just roll over and play dead? This is an issue that everyone needs to be concerned with. After all, we will be in our parent's shoes some day. With the current generational changes, our children usually live away from us, they are busy with their careers. We will all need someone to watch over our finances, and our personal lives. We need laws to protect us, and to be assured that our care takers are not abusing and exploiting our families who are trying their best. I never want to see another elder suffer the same fate as my Dad, and I certainly do not want my children to suffer the same financial losses and emotional suffering as me, just to try to see that my needs are met. This is a national crises.

Thank you for sharing. This is not a one time situation. It happens all over and we as the adult child just get plain worn out. I just came from an advocacy meeting with the ombudsmans office. I w ...Read More

Thank you for sharing. This is not a one time situation. It happens all over and we as the adult child just get plain worn out. I just came from an advocacy meeting with the ombudsmans office. I was the only consumer in attendance. They know there are no teeth in any regulations, and those that are in place get covered up by those in charge. Those in attendance today acted like I was crazy, they had placed their folks in nursing homes and thought it was great. I wonder how Dad would get treated if I was the supervisor for the ombudsman's program or director of public health. it's a much different picture when you are Ms. Nobody, and your Dad is Mr. Hascash but can't remember. Change must come to this unregulated industry and quick.

Unfortunately, there is a house payment to make, bills to pay and groceries to buy. Dad can not be left alone for even 15 minutes. He has to be toileted, transferred, bathed, dressed, and meals prep ...Read More

Unfortunately, there is a house payment to make, bills to pay and groceries to buy. Dad can not be left alone for even 15 minutes. He has to be toileted, transferred, bathed, dressed, and meals prepared. I've tried bring him home to live with me three times now and have had to remortgage my home to pay the bills. I am now stuck with over $200K in a mortgage. There is no way I can work and have Dad in my home. Dad only gets $650 a month from social security. His estate was embezzled by the second wife. If I lose my home, which is currently in foreclosure from all this fraud, neither me or Dad will have a place to sleep. His monthly income does not start to cover the house hold expenses, and I have already spent my life savings and mortgaged my home to cover his expenses. This has now created a financial crises. I must work to try to dig out of this financial hole I am now in. I have no source of income other than my real estate business, and that is a 7 day a week job. I am not married, so I do not have any other source of income. I also sold my rental properties to cover his expenses. Four years is a long time to try to live without working regularly.

Thanks, your words touched me deeply. I feel this is a cause that must be publicly exposed. None of us are prepared for the betrayal and fraud that seems to accompany this endeavor. I do beleive th ...Read More

Thanks, your words touched me deeply. I feel this is a cause that must be publicly exposed. None of us are prepared for the betrayal and fraud that seems to accompany this endeavor. I do beleive that God is in this in some way and I pray that my experiences will be the catalist that prevents another elder from being abused or another family from being deceived.

I have, and when I then have a meeting with administration, the care giver either has to deny all allegations or lose her job. The good care givers have called me at home to inform me of incidents an ...Read More

I have, and when I then have a meeting with administration, the care giver either has to deny all allegations or lose her job. The good care givers have called me at home to inform me of incidents and of neglect. Problem is there is nothing that can be done without threatening the jobs of the good ones. It's really a catch 22.

Thanks for your encouragement. Unless there is divine intervention I will lose my home in November. I have no other family and also am the guardian for my 14 year old grandson. I have led a blessed ...Read More

Thanks for your encouragement. Unless there is divine intervention I will lose my home in November. I have no other family and also am the guardian for my 14 year old grandson. I have led a blessed life, and feel this is all in God's hands. I was never aware of the abuse and neglect that our parents must endure before they pass from this life. My experience has opened my eyes to this travesty. I could sure use the prayers of all who have responded. I thank you for your encouragement. I also beleive something must be done, and perhaps I am the one who is to begin. We need more than support, we need change. Change will only occur when the plight of our elderly has been publicly exposed. Thanks for caring.

I have spoken to several attorneys who won't do anything. They all state that I stepped in before long term damage was done. My elder law attorney advised me to take out a loan for $250K to cover th ...Read More

I have spoken to several attorneys who won't do anything. They all state that I stepped in before long term damage was done. My elder law attorney advised me to take out a loan for $250K to cover the cost of Dad's care, telling me I could get reimbursed when i sold Dad's home. Well, the market dived and I lost out. I found out that Dad could have qualified all along for long term care without my contribution, which caused him to be denied. It has cost me everything materially that I have worked 40 years for. The attorney has no liability, even though he advised me incorrectly. Had I not taken the loan out, Dad could have been on long term care 3 years ago. The cost? My home, my life savings, and my business. I feel so betrayed by the system. I have given the past four years of my life to see that Dad has been taken care of. I must move on, or I will soon be in the streets. Nothing could have prepared me for such betrayal.

One of the biggest scams I have encountered is within the elder care community. Most assisted lving communities charge a non- refundable entrance fee anywhere from a few thousand dollars to over $8K. ...Read More

One of the biggest scams I have encountered is within the elder care community. Most assisted lving communities charge a non- refundable entrance fee anywhere from a few thousand dollars to over $8K. After I paid the entrance fee, I was told they could not take care of dad, refused to bath him or provide basic personal hygiene. Dad is unable to stand unassisted, which was disclosed in writing up front. I was told I could either pay for a private setter or leave that they refused to lift him. I left with the large deposit still unrefunded. This has happend multiple times and even with calling APS, the ombudsmen and the Health Department, I am finding there is nothing I can do to recover the deposit. All of my complaints have been found to be "unsubstantiated", which I have found is 99.9% of the time. They ask Dad if he was showered, and he doesn't remember. The records have all been falsely documented. I started writing in his chart "No" when I saw that the CG had recorded bathing and brushing his teeth, when i was there and found him unbathed, and teeth nasty from multiple days of not brushing. I have been accused of being "abusive" so many times, that I have learned this is the facilities way of throwing up a smokescreen to take the focus off of them. I was told the only way to retrieve my money was if the facility had multiple complaints for the same offensive, and to show a pattern. Well, who do you complain to? Are there any honest facilities out there that truly care about elders or have we reached the stage that this is just another get rich quick way to scam our parents? This is the most unregulated, dishonest industries I have ever encountered. Where does one go to get support and who advocates for the residents?

I later learned that this elder law attorney acted outside his field of expertise. That advice has now resulted in my home going into foreclosure and the loss of my father's estate and my personal inc ...Read More

I later learned that this elder law attorney acted outside his field of expertise. That advice has now resulted in my home going into foreclosure and the loss of my father's estate and my personal income.

I have already spent over $200.000.00 on legal fees. Yes I am Dad's legal guardian, but no one cares. They still refuse. I could certainly get the court to make them comply, but they would simply r ...Read More

I have already spent over $200.000.00 on legal fees. Yes I am Dad's legal guardian, but no one cares. They still refuse. I could certainly get the court to make them comply, but they would simply rewrite the notes by that time. This is all about covering up care giver abuse and neglect.
I relocated Dad to another group home and he seems contented. He asked me to please not make him go back to the former home. He stated they watched me every move I mace, they didn;t like me, and would not let me talk to you on the phone. He said they always talked about you when you left. The home he is in now is happy and light.

I have learned that attorneys are expensive and really have no control except by going to court which has proven to be cost prohibitive. That's why we as adult children must advoicate for our parents. The system is more experienced in fraud, and deceit, and have many "games" they run on family members who know too much. I had one director in a former facility state to me "Let the games begin" I now understand what she was referring to. I am writing a book on my personal experiences that hopefully will open eyes to the neglect and abuse that our parents go through in their senior years.

Thanks so much.

Thank you, you will never know how much your words of encouragement mean. Unless you have walked in someone elses shoes, you can not understand the impact of their experiences. It sounds like you ha ...Read More

Thank you, you will never know how much your words of encouragement mean. Unless you have walked in someone elses shoes, you can not understand the impact of their experiences. It sounds like you have had some of the same experiences. i do believe that all of this is to teach me something, and that I am to be an advocate for elders. I think I have expereinced every kind of fraud and abuse possible. It is very difficult not to try to do things yourself, when you see the consequences of care giver ignorance and neglect on these vulnerable adults. I have spent many hours in prayer and meditation askign for guidance. This is an area that needs a serious overhaul in our system.

Thanks again for your support