Answered a question 7/1/2009 at 4:35 pm
Suhara,
I can relate to your problem (sort of). I too moved in to my mother's home after my father passed away to assist her, both emotionally, and financially. In the beginning (11 years
...Read MoreSuhara,
I can relate to your problem (sort of). I too moved in to my mother's home after my father passed away to assist her, both emotionally, and financially. In the beginning (11 years ago), it was actually mutually beneficial since I recently divorced myself and pretty much gave everything to my wife rather than battle things out in our divorce and end up giving everything we had to lawyers rather than to our only child (who will one day get all that we would have fought over).
Anyway in the past 3-4 years my mother's health has deteriorated drastically. She has diabetes, asthma and COPD, and most recently kidney failure and is on dialysis. She also is in early stages of dementia. I have an older brother (widowed) and a younger brother (single, never married). My mother informed my brothers that she is leaving me her house in her will since for the past 11 years I basically paid all the property taxes, maintenace/repairs and home owners insurance out of my pocket (the mortgage, utilities and food we split 50/50 on the cost).
Anyway, my older brother believes it's fair. However, the younger one claims I manipulated our mother into leaving the her house, etc etc ... Similar to the kind of things you're hearing from that sister of yours. My mother has no other savings or valuables - Just the house (there are approximately 4 more years of mortgage payments left).
I handled my younger sibling in two ways. First, I said if he thinks he should be entitled to any portion of the house, then he should get himself off his lazy butt, and assist in the care of our mother. She doesn't drive. I take her to every doctor appointment (which is many), do all the grocery shopping, take her shopping for her clothes and toiletries. I do all the cleaning, cooking. laundry, etc. I even had to quit my 55-60 hour a week job, and take a lesser paying job that gave me more flexibility so that I could take care of my mother properly.
Needless to say, my brother has yet to lift a finger to help our mother in any way whatsoever. So I basically have learned to ignore him, and not worry about his opinion or thoughts. He's single. He could help if he wanted to, but chooses not to. So I just learned to ignore him, and let him think or say whatever tickles his fancy. I no longer let it bother me. I know in my heart I'm doing right by my mother, and I do feel I'm entitled to inherit the house 100%. I'm sure one day he'll probably take me to court to fight for part of the house. But Im not going to let that bother me now. I'll deal with it when it happens.