Commented on a discussion 2/7/2010 at 12:35 am
Pamela, as strange as it may seem we can look at this time in our lives as a gift in letting go of our loved ones. Preparation as you commented. Some people, as with my husband lost his mom and dad
...Read MorePamela, as strange as it may seem we can look at this time in our lives as a gift in letting go of our loved ones. Preparation as you commented. Some people, as with my husband lost his mom and dad as most of us say they want to go, in their sleep. For the survivors however, it's like the rug has been ripped out from under our feet, there is no time to say goodbye.
God knows what he's doing. For me, I need this time to prepare and say all the things I need to say. My dad has turned into a mean crazy kind of guy and it's difficult but I know too that he is frustrated with his situation. I have learned patience, I have found that I am stronger that I ever imagined and as much as I feel a victim, it's not all about me. I am learning that this is a time in my life when I can still teach my grown children something by example. It's hard thinking that you might be looking at your own future but I can only hope that as angry as my dad makes me with his accusations, it's not him. Being an only child and his wife who has Alzheimers, I am the only one he can vent to. So I hope that what I am doing will be remembered by my children when and if the day comes that I am in his shoes. I hope that by experiencing this phase in my dads' life that I will have said and done all that I can with my family so that if I die in my sleep, no one will have regrets for not saying all that they felt they needed while I was alive.
Your comment about feeling like you were going crazy, oh I know it so well. The first year, I like you, was overwhelmed and I had early retired thinking that I would need to help out soon with my dad and his wife's situation. I had offered before all this happened to watch our newborn grandchild once or twice a week. Now I was really overwhelmed until I viewed it as a gift. Yes I had a ton of things to do but these days, these days that I had my granddaughter were days that I could focus on her and her only and it gave me a new purpose. God does work in mysterious ways. My prayer was to please open my eyes to see what it was that I was suppose to do. I found that what I had thought would be more than I could handle would be my saving grace, watching my granddaughter.
So I thank all of you for giving me the chance to just put my thoughts on paper, without judgement, read your experiences and be able to say to myself, wow, I'm not alone. I never felt all alone, I have my family but my experiences are not their experiences, your experiences are my experiences and that is comforting.