Answered a question 3/18/2010 at 11:04 am
Hi -- Here are a couple of useful phrases -- they all use the technique of setting limits with others. Borderlines benefit most when they have strict limits set for them. And their targets for abuse
...Read MoreHi -- Here are a couple of useful phrases -- they all use the technique of setting limits with others. Borderlines benefit most when they have strict limits set for them. And their targets for abuse (you, the caregiver) need to know what your own limits are and what you expect from your abuser. So here are the phrases:
This is not an emergency. I am working on your other issue/emergency/request and you will have to wait until I have time. Or, which emergency do you want to address first?
If you want me to help you, (name your limit) is what I can realistically do for you.
If you want me to help you, then I need (name what it is you expect from them -- respect, appreciation, keeping their criticisms to themselves).
It (name the issue) is your choice (name it).
Back to you, the caregiver: It is also *your* choice whether or not to help her. If she doesn't want your help, or doesn't appreciate it, or abuses you, hand her the phone number for senior services in the area, or help her make the call. Then you can walk away in good conscience. It will be her choice whether or not to accept those services. Most of all, when you feel overwhelmed, STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING IMMEDIATELY. Read over the above tips. She is not your emergency. BP's are highly intelligent and extremely manipulative. They know how to work you and it's up to you to manage them, and therefore yourself, better. So be prepared to suggest that they call their doctor, their social service worker, their spiritual advisor, or whoever is the proper person who can handle their issue. Good luck!