lcs commented
3/5/2010 at 7:06 pm
Hi Gina
Thanks for the hug - I certainly wasn't expecting one. You know I was just typing up my response this morning when the power unexpectedly went off. I am surprised that what I wrot
...Read MoreHi Gina
Thanks for the hug - I certainly wasn't expecting one. You know I was just typing up my response this morning when the power unexpectedly went off. I am surprised that what I wrote reached you. I hadn't even finished my message!!
It sounds like you are willing to stay with your dad until his end - is your partner with you here? If not, what if your dad lives to be 95 or so? That's a lot of life passing by that you won't be with your partner.
Are you sure your dad can't manage on his own now that he has friends? (Was it you that wrote in a while ago and said that you had introduced your dad to some people?) Now that you have done that and he has friends (whom he seems to listen to more than he listens to you), perhaps you should consider going back to Greece (if that's where your partner is) and just see how your dad manages on his own (with some help from his friends). Would this work or is your dad passed the stage of being able to manage by himself? Even if he doesn't do things as well as you do, perhaps they are good enough for him and he could manage on his own (at least for awhile yet).
I do understand that inflation is double digit in Greece and I hear there are strikes etc. (which of course is not news to you) so I can see why your dad is hesitant about moving there now. But I am sorry he pulled such a trick on you. He should have discussed it with you, explained how he felt, and then you could have helped him be sure he got the best deal possible. It sounds like he believes you should be with your partner and not him so, if you think it is at all possible for him to manage on his own for at least awhile yet, and if you want to be back in Greece, you could give it a try and see how it works out. The only thing I am wondering about is this: Was he mentally competent when he arranged the reverse mortgage and is he mentally competent to manage on his own for awhile now? If he wasn't and isn't, then I can see why you feel you have to stay with him (unless you move him into a facility where he would get care). And of course cultural beliefs differ too and whereas an American might think it is fine to have a father in a facility, someone from another culture may believe it's abhorrent to do that. Different strokes for different folks.
In conclusion all I would suggest is that you think about how much of your life (and your life with your partner) that you want to give up to care for a father that seems to believe he can manage on his own and therefore may not appreciate at all the sacrifices you and your partner are making. Good luck.
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