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geeg54

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/2/2010 at 11:54 am

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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geeg54 posted 8/28/2010 at 4:52 pm

Why is it that all posts on this website and other websites deal with a parent with Alzheimers or Dementia? My Husband has dementia. I never see spouses talking about caregiving for the love of their life. Granted, there are probably more folks out there dealing with a parent but there are those of us who are watching our spouses die as well. My husband was diagnosed 4 years ago. His Mother and all of her five siblings died of Alzheimers. We never thought about getting long term care insurance and now cannot get it because he has been diagnosed. There's that "pre-existing condition" crap. So we are left in financial straits. I am more than happy to spend this time with my Husband even though we have our moments. I adore him and he tells me everyday how much he loves me even if it is a bad day. I do not want to miss any of the time we have left together. I took a vow "in sickness and in health" and I certainly intend to keep my word. He is a very sweet and caring man. I had to quit my job to take care of him. I hate to see this happening to him. It breaks my heart each and every day. Our cat, Jasmine, is his girl. I am so thankful we adopted her a couple of years ago. She can sense also that something is wrong. But no matter what he does to her for instances, stepping on her tail unintentionally of course, she still loves him as do I. He has begun getting up at night and changing his clothes. It can be very irritating and I get cranky. But most times I am able to be patient with him. It is so difficult. Caregivers give up their lives to take care of their loved one.

We Caregivers that are taking care of their spouses need to talk to each other on this website. I used to go to an Alzheimer's support group but it was a joke. It was nothing but a yelling match and you couldn't get a word in. I quit going because it did no good. Everyone there was also taking care of a parent.

So Spouse caregivers let's get it together shall we? Let's talk amongs ourselves!!! Thanks for letting me vent.

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Answered a question 9/3/2010 at 11:23 pm

Am I being unreasonable to ask my out-of-town siblings to watch my mom for a week while we go on vacation?

Dear V: what you say is so true and I am learning that. Family and friends alike have absolutely no idea what we are going through. No one can possibly know unless they are in this situation.

I'm not a very tactful person as well. My Mother always said that my other sister was the diplomatic one. Well, I'm happy with my personality and have found it to be crass at times but then again I don't care. If people (family in particular) don't know me by now, then they either don't want to or don't get it. Not my problem.

I take care of my Husband whom I love dearly. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way. He is the love of my life and each day I see him deteriorating more and more. The "stare" gets me. I wonder what he is thinking or if he is thinking at all. He has become more emotionally affectionate than he has ever been. I feel that in his own way he is saying things that need to be said before he passes away. I enjoy most of our time together because I do love him so much. But at certain times the frustration is difficult. I literally cannot imagine a family member trying to take my place even for a week. We have no children and he has one living sibling who is worthless if you ask me. Funny, their Mother and all of her sisters and her brother died of Alzheimers. I believe there were 6 of them total. I never knew his Mother, only his Father. But his Father took care of his Mother until the night she died in their home.

I seem to be rambling which is so easy to do when you don't have anyone to talk to. Most of our "so-called" friends have disappeared - fear of the unknown I suppose. My siblings are spread all over the states. They all adore my husband but don't quite know what to do. It is a tough situation but I am here for his every want and need. I wouldn't have it any other way.

After the visit from his sister a few months back (and her husband) I told myself that I have to stand my ground. Their visit was a nightmare. I was so glad when they left a day early and so was my husband.

So yes, we have to be tough for our afflicted loved ones. I don't give a good you-know-what if someone thinks they have a better way - it's my way or the highway in this case. I am not here to take suggestions.

So thanks V for your great posting. My sister-in-law took care of my brother who died of cancer a few years ago and she is in constant touch with me. Now I understand what she went through with "us" - the clueless family.

Regards, Geeg

Answered a question 9/1/2010 at 7:13 pm

Am I being unreasonable to ask my out-of-town siblings to watch my mom for a week while we go on vacation?

Dear rko: Good for you. We caregivers must take a stand in our situations. We make the rules not our relatives. I found that out recently. Whomever stays with my husband from now on will abide by ...Read More

Answered a question 8/30/2010 at 4:56 pm

Am I being unreasonable to ask my out-of-town siblings to watch my mom for a week while we go on vacation?

I do not feel that you are wrong at all to require some respite. I am pretty much in the same situation as you are. My husband has Dementia and we live in a small town away from all family. His onl ...Read More

On My Mind... 8/28/2010 at 4:52 pm

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