Answered a question 6/18/2009 at 10:55 am
As a gerontologist and administrator of assisted living communities for 15 years I can tell you what I have seen:
1. Moving into an A.L. is at first frightening and strange, and few people ever w
...Read MoreAs a gerontologist and administrator of assisted living communities for 15 years I can tell you what I have seen:
1. Moving into an A.L. is at first frightening and strange, and few people ever want to do it, but after a couple of months, it becomes "the best thing I ever done", because they have made new friends (in their age group), they get used to having their bed made, their apt. cleaned, their meals prepared, the dishes washed, the free rides to doctors, banks, and stores, the activities, and it some cases having their pills managed and handed to them, the refills being handled, etc. etc.
2. We are all aging and with aging comes physical decline, we are able to do less and less. People that move into A.L. when they are barely functioning will be too late to make new friends, will not be known as anything more than that really needy person in room 314. Whereas, people that move in while still high functioning, make friends and when they decline, are loved by the staff, and have close friends in the A.L.
3. Here's one for you. Price. Whatever the price it is now its going up! But when you move into A.L. your "rent increases" are much less than the market rate, so that in a couple of years, your parent's rate is many hundreds less than if she were to be moving in at that later date.
4. Socialization, no matter how much you expect your parent to be a part of the family, they are often left alone all day long when you have them in your home, they get needed and cranky, it puts a strain on your marriage, and when the inevitable decline come, you will be working hard at your parents physical needs and eventually hiring people to come into your home (incidentally, at a higher price than the A.L. would have been)
You may think I am biased, and I am. But these are my observations of what happens. I see the wornout adult children with strained marriages coming into my office, and their parent with heels dug that they don't want to do it, all of the time. It may be hard, but you are not dumping them, you are giving them a second life of sorts.
p.s. Yes, no one can love or know your parent like you do, but we are professional and we are people with our own parents and you will see a lot of compassion in how we care for your parent.