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Judi (Despr8caregiver)
Age: 56
Gender: Female

My sister, her husband and I have started a blog as a support system for caregivers of aging parents. This is a way to explore our feelings about our new roles, the new vision of the aged and aging in our society and a way for us to keep our own sanity while providing loving, quality care for our aging and elderly parents.

I am caring for my father, Frank, who is 93 years old, living at independent living community and the primary ailment is general age-related decline.

I am caring for my mother, Audrey, who is 90 years old, living at nursing home and the primary ailment is a broken hip.

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/1/2010 at 1:02 pm

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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E2WhOeat5on commented 9/13/2010 at 9:12 am

This explains why I'm having a big dish of ice cream every night! It never leaves though,it has settled around my waist.

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content gave a hug 8/26/2010 at 1:22 pm

thanks....God bless ya

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AlwaysMyDuty gave a hug 5/6/2010 at 6:16 pm

Your post was precious and I apologize for not recoginizing it in words before I went off on my rant about my mom. How so very lucky you are to have had a loving mom. May your forget-me-nots always b ...Read More

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naheaton commented 4/28/2010 at 6:14 pm

Hi, My mother-in-law is in an asst living facility now, after living on her own for almost 2 years after her husband died. When my F-I-L got sick, it threw all three boys (I'm married to #3) into a ...Read More

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Answered a question 9/17/2010 at 2:18 pm

My mother has problems with dates. She laughs when I tell her that it is not 1990, that it is 2010. Is this a sign of dementia or Alzheimer's?

Changes in perception of time and space are not always Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia. Search the web for "gerotranscendence." This is an advanced stage of adult development that often o ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 9/11/2010 at 4:25 pm

Just Listen! Your Body is Speaking to You

Thanks for your very helpful insights. One night after Bill and I returned home from taking Dad to his regular VA clinic appointment, we sat down to have our regular debriefing. But before we could ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 9/11/2010 at 11:26 am

Dad Died, Mom Has Dementia. Should I Tell Her?

My mother asked over and over again where her husband Bernie was. Even though she attended his funeral, she just couldn't process that information. i believe it was because she didn't want it to be ...Read More

Answered a question 9/9/2010 at 2:58 pm

I have been married to my husband with Alzheimer's for 40 years and yet he routinely asks where am I or says that he is waiting for his wife. How can I cope?

This is a tough problem and you have received many great suggestions. My main advice would be to reach out for help and keep reaching out to friends, professionals, support groups, on line support, f ...Read More

Answered a question 9/3/2010 at 11:59 am

My mom is forgetting things and is putting a burden on my younger brother and his marriage. Where can I find an inexpensive place for her to live with 24 hour care?

When we were looking for the right place for my elderly father, we contacted a consultant who specializes in this work. I would link you to her website, but apparently this website does not allow it. ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 8/26/2010 at 11:33 am

Family Won’t Help With Caregiving? How to Change Their Mind

In home caregiving is the hardest job there is. If family can't or won't help there are other resources. Reaching out to church members is a great idea. Check with your Area Council of Governments o ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 8/25/2010 at 5:12 pm

Family Won’t Help With Caregiving? How to Change Their Mind

Thank you for these helpful hints. The most important thing that I have learned as a family caregiver is never stop reaching out for help and advice from family members, from professional caregivers, ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 8/22/2010 at 11:09 am

Lost Father-in-Law

Medicare pays a portion of palliative care, maybe all of it depending on you plan. Nursing home people can make mistakes. The only place you can get the facts is directly from your insurance compan ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 8/21/2010 at 11:19 am

6 Reasons to Appreciate Your Job as a Caregiver

As primary caregiver for my father who died last month at the age of 91, I can attest to all the points in this article. Being a caregiver to an aging parent was one of the most difficult tasks of my ...Read More

Answered a question 8/20/2010 at 4:08 pm

My father has moderate dementia and impaired cognitive skills. He has become aggressive and uncooperative. He has threatened other residents. How should we handle this?

Read the book Elder Rage for many excellent strategies for dealing with this problem.

Answered a question 8/18/2010 at 5:11 pm

My father is dealing with depression and has given up since his cancer. How can I help him from far away?

I agree. Your dad is dealing with a hard diagnosis that brings up many difficult feelings. The best thing you can do is let him know that you love him and are available to talk if he wants a soundin ...Read More

Answered a question 6/17/2010 at 8:25 am

My elderly parents made me their POA. Should I be adding my name to their finances so that I can handle their affairs?

Be aware that Power of Attorney ends with death. It will do you no good after your parents are gone.

Answered a question 5/6/2010 at 11:07 am

I think my father should be in a hospital because he has pneumonia, but his hospice refuses to let me do this. What can I do?

You have just run up against the big issue in deciding whether or not to employ hospice care. Once you have hospice, your father will not receive any treatment for an acute condition like pneumonia e ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 5/5/2010 at 11:32 pm

"I Secretly Wish My Elderly Mother Would Die"

So many people take on the task of caring for their aging parents out of love thinking they are doing the right and noble thing, but as the article says, they find themselves in over their heads in a ...Read More

Asked a question 5/5/2010 at 10:55 pm

How are you remembering your Mother for Mother's DAy 2010?

I have decided to honor my mother's memory this year by planting a Forget-Me-Not in my garden. Each time I see it I can think of the mother of my childhood and the day long ago when she planted the sa ...Read More

Asked a question 5/5/2010 at 5:56 pm

Where can I view the comment I just posted?

Answered a question 5/4/2010 at 8:02 pm

My mom is in a nursing home and she is getting verbally abusive. How do I cope?

If you ever get a chance to read something and if it is Alzheimers that your mom has, Sue Miller's book The Story of My Father is so great at tracing the course of the disease and her reactions and responses to it.
...Read More

Answered a question 4/29/2010 at 12:59 am

My mother has dementia and has to go in a nursing home. Should I correct her when she starts living in the past or should I let her talk?

This is so wonderful that you bring this up because I am examining this very subject right now for a post on my blog.

When my mom was alive she would always ask where her husband was and h ...Read More

Answered a question 4/28/2010 at 4:09 pm

When should you move your parent to a nursing home?

Any time health issues and personal care issues get to be too much for someone with a lot of love but no formal training would be a good time to consider an assisted living or skilled care facility.
...Read More

Started a discussion 4/28/2010 at 2:39 pm

When I asked for additional time off I had to explain my reason. A vacation… to the nursing home.

I found myself thinking "I don't get to spend 2 weweks in Hawaii every year! My idea of a vacation is traveling all the way across the country to spend 6 days sitting in a nursing home room!" Of cours ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 4/27/2010 at 12:35 pm

Just need to get my father-in-law's last days off my chest.

I am so sorry about your father-in-law. It is so hard to deal with emotions at a time like this. He sounded like a wonderful man. It is really hard to watch people you care so much about suffer and ...Read More

Answered a question 4/27/2010 at 12:15 pm

My diabetic father lives alone and refuses to eat or go out. He says food doesn't taste good. What can I do to help?

sorry- I noticed that you said diabetic, maybe milkshakes aren't the best solution.

Commented on a discussion 4/26/2010 at 10:58 am

I never realized the stress the caregiving puts on the person until now.

You have taken on a big job! It is so stressful to be going through all of this and the worry about your health and your family in Virginia must seem unbearable. I was a ling distance caregiver for ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 4/25/2010 at 11:39 am

Why Caregivers Shouldn't Feel Guilty About Calling Hospice

This is what really irks me about the whole Hospice situation. Why do we have to wait until we get "permission". if I had it all to do over again, I would have called Hospice so much sooner. In ord ...Read More

Answered a question 4/25/2010 at 11:24 am

How do you care for two difficult parents and still have a life?

There are places which aren't as horrible as the one your brother was in. In my experience, a nursing home for my mother was the only way she could have been cared for given the extend of her care ne ...Read More

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