Answered a question 11/18/2009 at 2:21 pm
secretsister,
thank you for the encouraging words, as i found out last wed. my 30 year old son that is a captain in the army stationed near syracuse has cancer and started chemo last thursday. h
...Read Moresecretsister,
thank you for the encouraging words, as i found out last wed. my 30 year old son that is a captain in the army stationed near syracuse has cancer and started chemo last thursday. he was to go back to iraq in dec. for his second tour. i usually travel from texas where i live to new york every 4 months to visit with him , his wife and 3 small little boys. this has really set me back as i had planned on moving to dallas and going back to work. now i am just shattered. i am trying to take one minute at a time, pray, breath, and pray. i know that god has a plan, i am just not sure what it is for me. i do not think i can go to work and even be any kind of employee right now. i guess in caring for my mother, and my disabled brother for the last 3 years has taken a toll on me. i usually wear jeans everyday, as i live on a farm. i got dressed monday to go to dallas, and honestly my slacks were so big i had to get safety pins to keep them up. i have never been so down in my life. i have isolated myself from people for so long that i have feel like i can not even carry on a conversation. i am single and did date, but now, i dont even what to think about going anywhere. and that is just not like me, last year, i went to new york 4 times, cabo, canada, florida, deep sea fishing and now, there is nothing that seems to even make me smile. talk about burn out. i dont mean to sound negative. and yes i am going to get the wind back in my sails. i have to get better and be ready when my son and his family needs me. they have a great support system with the army that i am so thankful for. but as far as my mom, and brother, my two girls that were telling me what to do. the 24 year old, has done almost nothing to help my mom since i left, the 34 year old daughter is an RN , works, has 2 small children and trying to get pregnant and i know she has a heavy load, but they threw me out of the picture and insisted that they could handle, and i have to just step aside and let them do this. guilt has almost consumed me. i lay awake at night thinking, what could i have done to make it better for my mom, and i think the one thing is that i wanted my mom, to not be depressed, get out of that bed and just try, and she would not. i wanted it, and tried to push her and she in return hates me. my brother is an alcoholic and into drugs, i thought, yes now that he is home, can not leave i can control his drinking, guess what, he was smarter than me, he traded the groceries i bought twice a week for alcohol and drugs. so it goes girls, we will make it by the grace of god. for all of you please read psalm 121. take care. carol