Commented on a discussion 3/12/2010 at 7:27 am
helpertomany, first, I must say that you sure have chosen the right username for yourself given the situation you describe with your FIL and your home business, 40, and married. Be sure to give yourse
...Read Morehelpertomany, first, I must say that you sure have chosen the right username for yourself given the situation you describe with your FIL and your home business, 40, and married. Be sure to give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing that you are indeed helpertomany, as it is the first step to restoring greater sanity to your world. Of course you are feeling resentment, because, given the details you have shared in that brief reply, there is a whole lot someone might resent, including being imposed on, with no help provided and no way of escape. It's like your husband brought Dad home and locked Dad and you in the same room together, then walked out, locked the door and is holding the only key to the room you have been locked in.
Please have a talk with your husband as soon as possible to enlighten him that working from home is working and not a matter of having the luxury of time. He needs to come up with a full-day care plan that will meet Dad's assistive care needs for a full 8 hours, while you work, and do whatever you need to do, without having to constantly disrupt your business day to essentially become a recruited caregiver to his father. Perhaps your husband can take care of his Dad himself for the 12-weeks allowed under federal law for Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA is unpaid leave, unless he has accrued leave which his employer allows him to use while on approved FML.) Of course, he must meet the qualifying criteria in order to be approved under FML, including having worked for his employer for at least one year and a minimum of 1,250 hours. If he has to do whatever it takes and while he is at home, start coming up with the plan that will help transition his Dad to agency care, or other support, even if in your home, that is the least he can do. I don't blame him for wanting to do the right thing by his Dad. That is commendable. He just sounds like he hasn't thought through the care details and planning. He needs to. Let him know that you are not his long-term care solution and why you can't be, or simply have chosen not to be his in-home caregiver. Be wary of giving up your livelihood in this economy and more so given the present eldercare situation you have in your home with an in-law.
Ultimately, do what's best for you. Mine is just an opinion, and a way of letting you know I hear you, and I do care. I am very sorry about your uncomfortable situation. That has to be very hard on you.
No doubt it is hard on your husband as well. In my opinion, the only difference in hardship is that your husband is not seeing the full impact of his impromptu decision. He reacted. He didn't plan. He needs a plan before you and he are locked into his premature decision by default.
Hope you are successful in making your feelings known. No one likes being a doormat.