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Bishey (bishey9)
Gender: Male

Retired chef-dealing with hubby who has had 15 strokes...yes.correct.we dont count the tia's..he now has so many other complicatations now.but the dementure/ loss of memory.combatativeness is just awful. how do u deal with the guilt.

I am caring for my husband, MIKE, who is 78 years old.

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/1/2010 at 1:58 pm

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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lcs commented 7/17/2010 at 1:58 pm

Dear bishey9

It was good to hear from you again. I am glad your husband's suffering is over - I wonder what new adventure awaited him? And now you are facing the adventure of the rest of your life without him. I wish you wisdom in making your choices. I have heard it is best to not make any BIG decisions right away after the death of a mate but I imagine that following that advice is not always possible. With the knowledge that you provided the best of care you could for your husband, I hope you are now experiencing feelings of peace and tranquility.

Right now my husband and I are in the process of preparing our home (which is out in the countryside) for sale. My husband has multiple health problems (though his last report was good) and he now fears winter in the countryside so, if our home sells, we will be moving back into the city before winter. We moved out here ten years ago and established our home right from scratch. It has been ten years of lots of work and now that everything is established (including all my flower beds etc.) we are going to have to move again. But I know we would have to move back to the city sometime so I guess it's better to do it now while we are in our early 70's and can do it on our own rather than later when we absolutely HAVE to and our children have to make all the decisions for us. Two advantages of us moving back to the city now are that we will choose to live close to our eleven year old grandson so I will be able to do lots of things with him weekly and secondly, living in the city will cut two-thirds off my travelling time to visit my 96 year old mother so I will be able to visit with her much more frequently (daily if necessary). So there is a silver lining to the cloud. I will just be glad to have it all sorted out so that I know where I will be living for the next few years. I guess that's something that we ALL have in common - we have to keep adjusting to change. If we can't adjust, life is so much more difficult.

I wish you good luck in making your adjustments. You are most welcome to any help that I gave you (although I don't think it could have been much). Please let me know from time to time, how you are doing. Kindest regards, lcs

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lcs commented 5/20/2010 at 2:20 am

Thanks for the update. I am sorry about what you have gone through recently. It must have been hard for you to finally decide to place your husband in a nursing home permanently. Did he fight this? ...Read More

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anne123 gave a hug 5/19/2010 at 7:31 pm

Hi, Paula---I'm so sorry your husband had another stroke, and that this one did more damage. It sounds like you really are at peace with your decision to place him in the wonderful home you mentioned ...Read More

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bishey9 posted 5/19/2010 at 6:54 pm

Dear ICS & Annie 123, an all who have encouraged me....My husbandy had another stroke 2 weeks ago doing a lot more damage, to the point he is now back in a nursing home...Of which I will now keep him ...Read More

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anne123 gave a hug 4/27/2010 at 7:27 pm

Hi, Paula. You're welcome! There are so many people on here who really understand. It sounds like you have a good plan in mind. God bless you too.....God with us every step of the way through this.

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bishey9 posted 4/27/2010 at 8:32 am

Hi ics...yes to all ur questions..Im younger, than him...i helped raised his kids...he still thinks he is in control of the monies..but I have a friend here who has been a great help to do at least th ...Read More

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lcs commented 4/27/2010 at 1:37 am

bishey9, oh my, this doesn't sound good if he is fighting you. How long has he been your husband? Did you help raise his children? Are you a lot younger than your husband? Why is he fighting you? D ...Read More

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lcs gave a hug 4/26/2010 at 12:56 pm

Hi bishey9

How are things going for you? Do you have any children that understand the situation you are in and that can either assist you in the care of your husband or can help you sort o ...Read More

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Wrote on lcs's wall 7/17/2010 at 3:03 pm

Hi Ics..
well Im now going to be 69 next month, an my sister an I built this home 7 yrs ago in PA,selling our homes in NJ we each had one.Her hubby was a fireman,mine a cop.anyway she now has her flower beds all established an we were going to downsize this house.but no...we are finished...we will now be able to travel, take the only dog left. she had one..I had 2, she lost hers in Oct..I lost one in March.so we have a little guy left, Mine were rescued.ur right no big decisions now...her hubby died 10 yrs now...the nursing home we had mike in was awsome..most local people,they begged us to have a small memorial service, we did..sent them lunch (pizza) 3 shifts...then had a big sheet cake,soda for the other clients living there.only 102 people but they had nothing but the best to say about mike..he was well liked .his daughter gave me a little hard time..I ended that fast...his 2 boys were really good...I was the 2nd wife..an had no part in there adult life after they married...they moved on to other states..Im sure its because they wanted no part of helping with dad...thats fine..Im truly at peace now.knowing Ive done a wonderful job for mike....till the very end..an the fact that he was in that place was so awsome...I would go most everyday just to get him out for his daily cigar. (his other love). anyway I would love for u too stay in touch with me...we can talk I would love it...Mike was creamated immediately...I will bring his ashes down to the NJ shore where he wanted them to be spread...his kids did not like that..but Mike is getting what he wants.to the end..an that will be the end..he loved that place to go on his day off...I will be ok with finances, tho lost his Insurance policy due to the fact of putting him in the nursing home, we applied for Medicaid..so thats ok...they really took such good care of him,It was a family, he was ok with that..still thinking he would be able to come home till the last stroke..he held on 1 wk. more an went peacefully...his 3 kids did manage to get down to see him 1 more time..so they made 2 trips this year to see dad...now they will live with there guilt..Not me..I will miss him dearly but know I always had his back..Good luck on your move...do it now..its so much harder in our older years to change your right. doing new flower beds will keep you busy..an a grandson will give u more memories....God Bless, Be well..will talk again...later Bishey

Gave a hug to lcs 7/17/2010 at 9:18 am

Ics.
Im sorry for such a long delayed in communications...as Mike passed away July 2n,,,,an what a struggle, especially with his kids..of which the girl was the worse...but no more...I have put t ...Read More

Gave a hug to lcs 5/19/2010 at 7:16 pm

Dear Ics,
Just wanted to update u..I have been so busy....My husband had another stroke a few weeks ago, do a lot more damage...He is now in a nursing home...an Im going to try to keep him there. ...Read More

Started a discussion 5/19/2010 at 7:10 pm

I want to thank AgingCare for their help, kindness, and prayers. It has helped me feel good about a very hard decision I had to make.

Gave a hug to anne123 5/19/2010 at 6:58 pm

Hi anne 123 - Please read my wall mail...I have been going nuts for the past few weeks.thank you so much for your encouragement,,prayers...an all....I have made peace with my innner self...knowing I h ...Read More

On My Mind... 5/19/2010 at 6:54 pm

Gave a hug to anne123 4/27/2010 at 6:50 pm

Thank u anne123 so much..I though it was just me...but I see now, that the next time he does fall..an he will, he will have to go for good to a Nursing home...for both our health, Im only 67 an this h ...Read More

On My Mind... 4/27/2010 at 8:32 am

Gave a hug to lcs 4/26/2010 at 2:47 pm

Hi ICS.
My husband does have 3 children..all too busy to take him..out of state..an of course there selfish.He still has enough memory to fight me..so I now have a Social Worker coming today as a ...Read More

Gave a hug to IsabelCares 4/24/2010 at 8:53 am

Thank u so much for this answer..I will call them...it seems that the social services dept here in pa are so slow..an with my hubby being paralized on one side...an now the dementer, with the alz..an ...Read More

Gave a hug to PUZZLESNCARDS2 4/23/2010 at 9:47 pm

Thank u so much , even just for answering...My hubby is paralizied on the left side..so there is no mobility at all...cant walk..in a wheel chair...no balance..so there is so much he cannot do...an mo ...Read More

Asked a question 4/21/2010 at 10:51 am

My husband has had more than 10 strokes, has dementia & onset Alzheimer's. He is stubborn and still thinks he can do things himself, but he can't. How can I deal with this?

A husband who has had more than 10 strokes..yes..10 Not counting the tia...s...stubborn...an still thinks he can do things himself...plus has dementia, an now onset of Alz..which started a yr.ago...Im ...Read More

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