Commented on a discussion 1/12/2009 at 9:50 am
So my question to you is-
1) She is retired and I have 2 jobs & 2 children-How do I help my mom help them and still hold down everything here-I dont know how to prioritize my time? My husband and
...Read MoreSo my question to you is-
1) She is retired and I have 2 jobs & 2 children-How do I help my mom help them and still hold down everything here-I dont know how to prioritize my time? My husband and kids DONT GET IT-THey expect me here. My mom is an only child-she has noone to to turn to-her husband (my Dad) is completely disbaled.
2) Also how do you turn the "guilt switch off?" Just like today-how do you go into work and TRY to ACT normal knowing ALL the STUFF that is going on...and be able to function correctly??
Christy
First, you have more than 2 jobs. Sounds to me like you have five or more. You need to take a few quiet moments to yourself, even if it's only while driving, to be brutally honest with yourself. Why do you feel responsible for all those chores? Yes, many need you, but are you shortchanging yourself and others by spreading yourself too thin? What is your first priority? Your kids and husband? Mom? Grandparents? Self?
If you're working two jobs outside the home, I must ask why? I assume your husband is working and you have two children who could work and supplement the family income. Is it your choice to work two jobs or is an absolute necessity? These are questions that only you can answer. It's not all that important you tell us the answers, but it is important you be honest with yourself.
What is it your husband and kids don't get? Do they not believe your mom needs that much help? Do they feel you are not spending enough time with them? If they don't 'get it,' maybe they need to fill in for you now and then with all those family obligations and then maybe they would gain some understanding. My main question to you on this, to be answered to yourself, does the family feel that your mom could do more for herself and not impact on them so much? If they feel that way, it may be time for you to sit down with them and really, really listen to their opinion.
You turn off the GUILT SWITCH by being honest with yourself about your priorities, facing them, accepting you can't be all things to all people, then acting accordingly. Those things you do for your Mom that could be done by others, suggest it be hired done or that she do them herself as your time is limited. I don't know your Mom so this isn't a negative about her but we all know how moms can jerk the chains of their daughters. It's amazing how many times a person finds another way to get things done once they're told you can no longer take on certain chores. Your Mom may need to consider your time and obligations needed elsewhere.
I'm getting the impression you have a problem with telling people 'no.' :) If you do, only you can change that. Think it through, decide what you can and can not do that fits in with what it takes to take care of yourself, your own household.
That isn't being selfish, it's self preservation but sharing the load of others to the best of your ability - but not to your detriment!!