Elder Care Experts
Caregiving

Jacqueline Marcell is a former television executive who was so compelled by caring for her elderly parents (both with early Alzheimer's not diagnosed for over a year) she wrote "Elder Rage", a Book-of-the-Month Club selection being considered for a film. She is also an International speaker on eldercare and host of the popular Internet radio program "Coping With Caregiving." To learn more about Jacqueline see: www.ElderRage.com

My still independent mother is being treated with Aricept for early Alzheimer’s and Paxil for mild depression. I thought I heard somewhere that those two drugs shouldn’t be combined, but I forget why.
Since there are so many anti-depressants available, why gamble with one that might reduce the effectiveness of the dementia medication?

My (normally controlled) racist, chauvinist, and demented father has become very nasty and vocal about the upcoming election--ranting and embarrassing us everywhere we go. I take care of him in our home and can’t just lock him up. What should I do?
Negative beliefs and thoughts like these come to the surface because dementia often destroys the social filters which previously controlled our parents in public.

How can I get my elderly father to stop eating everything? His doctor isn’t helping me!
I had the same problem with my father. I fed him well and kept all healthy snacks available, but he'd say he was starving to death all the time.

I have been so busy and stressed out lately and am often misplacing things. Is that a warning sign of Alzheimer’s?
Misplacing things is not a sign of Alzheimer's in-and-of-itself. Losing your keys doesn't mean you have Alzheimer's. But there are 10 warning signs from the Alzheimer's Association that you should look out for.

The doctor told me that my elderly father was having hallucinations and delusions while in the hospital. What’s the difference?
A hallucination is experienced through the five senses; a delusion is something a person thinks, or believes to be true.

My grandmother developed Alzheimer’s at 84. My mother got it at 70. I am 40 and worried I am going to get it. Is there a test to know if I will develop it or not?
There is a test, but even if you have inherited the gene, it doesn't mean you will definitely develop Alzheimer's Disease.

My mother is afraid of everyone who comes to our house. She sits in the dark most of the time and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I don't know what to do. Should I contact her doctor about how she chooses complete isolation?
Absolutely! Better yet, make an appointment and take your mom to the doctor, so you can discuss this in-depth with the doctor, because unless you have a durable power of attorney, they will not be able to discuss your mother's health with you over the phone.

I am caring for my 81-year-old mother who lives with me. She is very controlling, wants to rule my life, and treats me like I’m still a teenager. Pointing this out to her doesn’t seem to do any good. What can I do?
You need the "Jacqueline Marcell emotional shield." Put it on every day, and then don't let anything she says bother you; all negativity has to bounce right off.

I live 3,000 miles away from my father and he needs live-in help, but I’m worried about elder abuse since I can’t be there to monitor the caregivers. What can I do to protect my father and feel more comfortable with hiring caregivers?
I would hire a geriatric care manager who lives very close to your father, and can be your onging eyes and ears in your absence.

I am caring for my mother-in-law and her husband just passed away. She whimpers, sighs, and doesn’t sleep. I try to cheer her up and involve her in activities, but have a hard time. Any suggestions?
Please ask the doctor if you can try an anti-depressant on your mother-in-law, as there are so many choices these days and it is unnecessary for someone to suffer so much.

What can I do to prevent my wife with Alzheimer’s from choking on her liquids and food? It is terrifying and I feel so helpless and don’t know what to do.
It happened with my father too and scared the daylights out of me. Unfortunately, when swallowing becomes impaired and choking begins it is usually a sign that the dementia is progressing further.

Is there an ideal time off (respite) for caregivers that I can show my sisters to help my case for getting time off?
I have never seen an official “Required Respite Time” statistic because of course there are so many factors and it’s very individual, but I would boil the need for respite down to this: As often as needed!

How can I get my elderly parents to consent to move to Assisted Living?
Convincing elders to move from the comfort of the home they've known for many years and downsize into an assisted living situation can be one of the toughest hurdles for families to accomplish. If you haven't discussed it nor made plans for the transition, here are some things you should do. Read Jacqueline's full answer.

What’s the value of Adult Day Care and how can I convince a resistant elder to attend?
While caring for my elderly parents, I was advised to get them enrolled in a local Adult Day Care program to give them a life outside of bed all day “just waiting to die,” as my father would say. A year later (and at my wit’s end) I decided it was worth a try after I went for a tour of the center nearby.

My normally loving but now slightly demented father is suddenly using the worst possible profanity. How should I handle it?
When I was taking care of my elderly parents (both with early Alzheimer’s not properly diagnosed for over a year), no one warned me that inhibitions gradually fade and that profanity can often occur.

How do I get my sick elderly mother to eat when she refuses?
I know how hard that is because my normally sweet mother did the same stubborn thing. She had been so sick she’d gotten down to 82 pounds, yet would clinch her teeth when I got half way through feeding her.

My single sister has been caring for our mother full-time for 6 years, while I am happily married with 3 children, running a successful business and living 1000 miles away. I feel so guilty I can’t be there. How can I help and show my appreciation?
Ohhh, how I wish I’d had a caring sister like you! First, realize that caregivers in a prolonged stressful situation have a 63% higher death rate than their peers of the same age—so your sister’s health is in jeopardy and needs to be the priority. Click to read Jacqueline's full answer.

My husband is exhibiting bizarre behavior and his bad temper has turned into raging. A friend said maybe he has Alzheimer’s, but isn’t that only memory loss?
That’s exactly what I thought about my father—he just couldn’t have Alzheimer’s! Let me answer your question by telling you my story, which if it rings true for you about what’s happening with your husband—you will understand what to do. Click to read the full answer.

How do I handle friends who are not supportive of my caregiving journey?
They want to be supportive, but they just can't for long periods of time, because they realize what you are describing is all ahead of them. For now, they aren't there yet, don't want to be, prefer denial--and it is just too unpleasant to listen to horror stories they can't fix. Click to read Jaqueline's full answer.

How can I get my passive sibling to help me with the care of our elderly parents?
My only sibling, my older brother, only lived a half-hour away from Mom & Dad and I lived over 400 miles, yet I was the one who gave up my life for a year to go take care for them… but… I’m not bitter about it! Click to read Jacqueline's full answer.

How do I cope with the sorrow of my mother’s prolonged illness, Alzheimer’s Disease?
I found that reading caregiving statistics helped me feel less alone, especially the one about: “More than 50 million Americans are taking care of a family member or friend--and 20 million of them are Baby Boomers caring for an aging parent.” Click to read Jacqueline's full answer.