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My Mother feels that she is perfectly able to live alone. She wants me to leave; her diet is horrible, she hoards spoiled food, rats etc.

 
 
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pamela6148

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Feb 13, 2010

Nina this is horrible. What are you going to do? What does she do with the rats?

 
 

nins

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Feb 13, 2010

Pamela thanks.
I have cleaned up a whole lot of it, but she wants me gone, is emotionally and verbally abusive as well. (I moved from another state when she fell and broke her hip last April)She sees no problem with her lifestyle; in fact thinks that I and others are "putting on airs" because they bathe, wash dishes (she only rinses hers cold) and do their laundry. She has savings and SS but won't even buy food for me-I'm eating from the food bank as I am unemployed. I am so fed up I don't even want to see her. The rats? LOL maybe she sings them the them from "Willard".....

 
 

pamela6148

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Feb 13, 2010

"Ben the two of us need look no more........"

Sounds like a case for Dept of Social Services. If you're unemployed and she has savings, are you considering putting her in assisted living, or a NH? That sounds like it's becomming too much for you and for you to have to eat at a food bank, that's ridiculous. I don't even liie that thought.

Have the two of you talked about a NH. And to think you moved there to be with her. The things we do for our parents!

I'm saying a prayer for you right now.

 
 

nins

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Feb 13, 2010

Thanks Pam. Moving was the worst idea I ever had-hindsight being 20/20....She is totally paranoid (has been for years) and won't give me or anyone POA, though I AM a signer on her checking account. Lotta money in it. (Did I mention I am the only child with no other relatives to help) Adult Protective sees me as the "problem" because I have cleaned up things somewhat; (if 50 year old carpets and crumbling everything can be called clean) and am "here" and therefore enabling her-they can't do anything unless I'm gone and things deteriorate. How does one do that to one's parent-and also I'm just about out of any savings so where would I go? Guardianship is expensive, and although a mean paranoid nutcase Mom is somehow able to rise to the occasion when it comes to her great love-her Money.....I have thought about withdrawing $$ for household repairs- but suspect this is illegal. She buys food for herself. Oh and NH??? She has sworn she will never ever go to one...I am dying here-everything I have ever saved for my adult kids is being spent.

 
 

pamela6148

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Feb 13, 2010

Wow Nina I'm glad you've come to this website. I'm thinking it is just a matter of time before you get good advise and suggestions from the angels that have helped me through my ordeal.

I'm not sure I'd give up on Adult Protective Services quite yet though, I'm one for becomming a nuisance!

It is so sad the way she is treating you, I really feel for you. That's probably why you moved in the first place. Actually I'm contemplating moving back to Washington D.C. myself. I lived there for 6 years, and moved back after my mom had her first stroke in 2002. That one was nothing like this one she just had in October last year.

Hey can't you tell your mother how unfair she is being by not buying food for you, wait a minute.......who does the grocery shopping? if you go with her why not put YOUR items in there and tell her that YOU have to eat just like she does, hell insist on it!

Get out of there and meet some folks. Find a church, find a Pastor you can talk too. Churches have all kinds of social clubs where you'll be able to mingle and meet. At this point you need to be around people that are joyous and spirited so that some of rubs off on you, even if it is for a while.

Forgive me for taking so long, my mom called and asked me to bring her some lunch as I'm being sucked into her saga all over but that's a different thread.

What State are you in, google things to do, volunteer programs, Social Clubs, etc. Just by all means get out of there and spend time away from your mom.

 
 

bobbie321

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Feb 13, 2010

Sounds EXACTLY like my mom. had I known then what I know now, I would have allowed Social Services to take her out of the filthy house and sell it for her care.

As it turned out, I moved across the country and lost my job to clean up her mess and fix her falling down house. It's 5.5 years later and now I'm still cleaning up her messes,

You have my sincerest love because I know what a living nightmare this s*** is.

Hang in there, we're here for you even though we are deep in our own doodoo.

Remember to laugh because this crap is tragic funny.
(Mom just strolled out with a poopy Depends to show me. I'm gong to go get drunk.)

lovbob

 
 

pamela6148

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Feb 13, 2010

Bobbie me and Johnny Walker Red have become the greatest of friends :) :) :)

A toast to ya both!

 
 

KelleyBean

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Feb 13, 2010

Nins,

I had to sit back and blink for a minute!! Your issue is what i have been struggling with! I moved back from out of state when yeah, all that you said! Cept my mom has roaches, not rats. I think the total for this weeks eviction from my moms life is 6.. so far. Although I think I earned a freebie today by going out and buying a toilet auger after mom clogged the toilet for the 3rd time this week.

I think we have ALL earned our wings... so the next round should be free!!

 
 

bobbie321

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Feb 13, 2010

Amen Pamela

 
 

nins

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Feb 13, 2010

Oh lord girlfriend. If you have a great relationship with your Mom do it. If not, think long and hard, and make sure all things legal are taken care of. I had several friends tell me that in the beginning and didn't listen. Depended on all that mushy "she's my Mother after all" stuff.
I am in CA now, by way of New Mexico. ( I raised my family in the DC/VA area). I do things for myself with my darling puppy dog-walk on the beach, etc. I tal k to my grown kids (all supportive and preently not at all fond of their Grandmother) etc etc.
My Mother takes the senior shuttle service to shop. I encouraged this because it gives her some meausure of independence which I think if great.
For a while she bought groceries and I cooked for her. She seemed to like that (I always cooked things she could eat-although I'm a much more adventurous cook). Then she decided she couldn't "afford" food other than potatoes, eggs, some veggies and of course wine.( She has enough cheap wine stashed to last 6 months.) She decided she wanted to cook for herself and thats what does now. (Can you hear the sirens? She burns a lot of things.)
Anyway thanks for being there, and the best of luck.

 
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