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Changing the Power of Attorney

My sister in law is Power of Attorney for her mother. Her mother now wished she had made my husband (her son) the POA, but she has now been diagnosed with dementia. My sister in law lives out of state and wants to go back home leaving us with the care of her mother. It will be hard to handle things with her still as POA. Are there any legal actions that we can take to get the POA.

  •  Comments 1 to 10 of 22 


Give a Hug

Jan 20, 2010

If i were in your position I would tell my sister-in-law that you and your husband would love to take care of mother but only if given POA, if not then you'll have to take her with you to your new home. Don't waver if she really wants this she'll come around.



Give a Hug

Jan 20, 2010


I agree with S. If your sister wants to leave the state and go to another, then she'll either: a) have to give up POA or b) take her mom with her. It's a headache if she doesn't give up POA and she's in another state. She's not doing your mom any favors by keeping the title of POA. Do NOT, by any means, waiver (sp?) on your end.



Give a Hug

Jan 20, 2010

the above is genius advice. take it and let us know what your sil decided!



Give a Hug

Jan 20, 2010

We ran into a snag with this when the sister who had POA for Mom turned out to be interested in Mom's money mostly, and helped her self. But she still had POA...we just didn't think early enough to have Mom transfer it to me,her 24/7 caregiver.

Then... Mom is officially diagnosed with dementia, so cannot herself assign a new POA, me. Sister did willingly sign over POA, but by then the county sued for conservatorship...and when they do that they want both financial and health. So, see two snags, sister not willing to give up POA...and mother not competent to sign her own assignment of POA. Mom's wellbeing was in limbo for several weeks. Not good.



Give a Hug

Jan 20, 2010

i take care of my father and my brother is poa , lives a thousand miles away . i have no problem with him begin a poa . he takes care of legal matters and pays dad s bills . when i get a dr bill i just mail it to my brother and let him take care of it . when dad needs money my brother will write dad a check and mail it to us .
alot of people says i should be poa since dad is with me . well i dont think i could handle the stress dealin with legal matters and dad s bills plus takin care of him .
dad has his credit card if he wants to shop or i need to pay for his meds . dad always said let that baby boy pay for it .
its stress free !!! i am glad my brother is a poa ...



Give a Hug

Jan 20, 2010

In a perfect world your sister would say "since you're devoting the time and energy, and I will be out of state, would you like me to relinquish POA to you?".
Although, I do like with S's advice, there are some questions you need to ask yourself
Where will you mother be happiest and get the best care?
Are you willing to accept responsibility for all of your mother's needs?
Will you be happy with your mother out-of-state?

There can be a split POA one for finances and one for health. If your mother's estate affords her care, then maybe having your sister take care of her finances would be one less burden if you decide to have her remain with you.
You must think about what's best for your well-being along with your mother's best chance to live out her life with dignity.
Take some time to decide how to proceed. Once again, I do like S's suggestion, but sometimes an ultimatum is not the best place to start a discussion



Give a Hug

May 19, 2010

My sister and I have joint POA, which works out perfectly. So if your sister isn't willing to sign over her POA, you might compromise with joint POA.



Give a Hug

May 7, 2012

I have poa over a family member and wish I never accepted this responsibility! Prior to me having the POA money was spent and credit cards were maxed out. My family member was taken advantage of and now I am left to deal with the mess. She has dementia and I started the process for her to be in a nursing home only to find out about all the money transactions. She had to come home and the other side of the family decided to move in and take care of her. She is now at a care place where she is happy and the family member ran up a huge bill at her house, so I am back to square one. If I give up my poa, who will make medical decisions for her when needed? It is a nightmare, my thinking is hold them accountable for all the money they have taken, it is not small amounts, but my husband refuses to do that to a family member. Every solution I come up with, I hit a brick wall because he doesn't want to make waves! I am ready to scream and wish I would have listened to my Mom and never taken on this role.



Give a Hug

May 8, 2012

I could be wrong, but I don't believe the present POA can simply turn the responsibility to whomever she chooses. If her brother is listed as the secondary or backup, then her stepping down gives him the responsibility, but if it isn't written that way then it does Brother no good for Sister to bow out.

Mother can change the POA with or without Sister's consent. A diagnosis of dementia does not automatically mean the person is not competent to make legal decisions. Does Mother have lucid periods? Can she comprehend the topic of POA? If so, the simplest thing might be to contact the attorney who drew up the document, or another attorney of your choice and have mother make her wishes known.

As others have said, it is not necessarily the case that it is always best for the on-site caregiver to have POA, but if you think it is in this case, talk to a lawyer.



Give a Hug

May 20, 2012

my dad just got married a few months ago , he is 92 his new wife is 83. is she responsible for his assets now .I have power of attorney, & a will he made before he was married. Do I have any rights now?I am the only child of his .

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