How to Know if Your Aging Parent Needs a Caregiver

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When will you know when your elderly parents need help? One thing is certain: your parents won't be the ones who tell you they need help!

Aging seniors have a strong desire to remain independent and in control of their own lives for as long as possible. In their place, wouldn't you feel the same way? The last thing they want is to become a burden to their children or loved ones. Typically, the aging senior will experience a traumatic event or "wake-up call" precipitating the realization that they need assistance. For example, they may suffer a stroke or a serious injury due to a fall; or their cognitive situation, such as the onset of dementia may result in a danger to themselves or others, like leaving an article of clothing sitting on a stovetop burner.

Because you, the adult child, are unable to anticipate your parents' need for assistance until this traumatic event takes place, the emotional distress and the work/life crisis can hit you like a runaway train, making it very painful and difficult to make educated decisions you can become comfortable with. One way to avoid this is to start monitoring your parents' physical and mental abilities today, and research your care options should your parents begin to show signs of needing assistance.

So, what are some of the common indicators that your parents may need some form of assistance or care? Here are some of the telltale signs.

Your parents have difficulty with or are incapable of performing routine activities of daily living (ADLs) such as:

  • Bathing
  • Dressing and grooming
  • Toileting
  • Transferring or moving from place to place (e.g., moving from the bed to a chair)
  • Walking
  • Eating

Changes in their physical appearance may indicate they need assistance:

  • Noticeable weight loss (difficulty cooking, eating, shopping for food, etc.)
  • Sloppy appearance/poor hygiene (difficulty bathing, dressing, and grooming)
  • Black-and-blue marks on the body could indicate they've fallen and are having trouble walking or moving from place to place
  • Noticeable burns on the skin could indicate they've experienced problems cooking
 
 

Comments

 
  •  Comments 1 to 8 of 8 
 
 

Jaye

Give a Hug

Jun 3, 2010

My parents need help... I know they do and believe me I have tried... My Mother got very nasty and yelled at me that they are fine... They do not want help and I have just backed off... I feel badly and quilty and everything... however you can not make someone accept help if they do not want it!!! Anyone have any advice to offer me???

 
 

naheaton

Give a Hug

Jun 3, 2010

Jaye, I don't know if you're familiar with the Bible or not, but there is a prime example of drawing a 'word picture' for someone that got the point across to a king who was in denial, and at the same time didn't get the messenger's head taken off.
It's found in 2 Samuel 12: 1-7.
Really those seven verses do paint a picture of how to talk to someone who is NOT receptive, but still drive a point home. Check it out. I'm not deliberately trying to be vague, it's just that it would take longer for me to explain, than for you to read for yourself what I'm talking about.

 
 

Jaye

Give a Hug

Jun 3, 2010

thank you I am familiar with God's word and I will indeed check out the verses you suggested... I appreciate your help.

 
 

naheaton

Give a Hug

Jun 3, 2010

I just liked how the prophet Nathan kinda came in the 'back door' so to speak, and got his point across. I do believe it would still work today. Different words, same idea.

 
 

NAUSEATED

Give a Hug

Jun 4, 2010

Many elders are in denial that they need help. This is common, who among us would ever want to admit we need help, especially after being independent for so many years. No one wants to have to impose on anyone to have to go out of their way to help, I sure know I wouldn't and neither did my Dad. And one reaction to cover the truth of the matter, is anger, and pushing away those that try to help us the most, especially if they have dementia, which was the case in my own Father's situation. But sometimes we must force our help on them, because it is for their own safety and well being. I had to do this with my own Dad, and I do not regret it for a minute. And in the long run, shortly before he died, he finally accepted that I loved him, and would do anything to help him, and to keep him safe. There are no right or wrong answers, as all situations and people are different, but just do what is in your heart, and your gut. If your heart and your gut tell you to do a certain something for your parent, then do it immediately. Do not wait for something worse to happen, because it will. Good luck to all you angel caregivers, you are so wonderful, and be good to yourself as well.

 
 

Support

Give a Hug

Aug 4, 2010

I live in Chicago and my elderly parents live in Florida. I worry about them all the time and wish I can check on them.

 
 

kyle

Give a Hug

May 27, 2011

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dkutzli

Give a Hug

Jan 10, 2012

What happens when your parents don't agree on the course of action that should or will be taken about their long term care? My father (91) wants to make sure that if something happens to him he will be taken care of and even more important if something happens to my mom (89) she is taken care of and he will also because he doesn't drive and has trouble seeing and hearing. My mother doesn't want to discuss it. She is steadfast against moving to assisted living on the grounds that they can't afford it and she, her words "doesn't want to give up doing the things she still can do". They are both in relatively good health for the ages and currently live in an apt. that is NOT senior friendly or equiped.
I'm not sure how to reslove this issue.

 
  •  Comments 1 to 8 of 8 

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