This Father's Day, as on all days, I'll have fond memories of my dad. So will many of you.
No matter what has happened to our parents as they age, they remain our parents. Cognitive and physical decline doesn't take away their legacy as adults. We may have to provide some care that many would consider demeaning, but given in love, no care is demeaning. Part of that love is keeping in mind that this person is our parent, the person who raised us. Respect and preservation of dignity are their due.
Dementia Is a Life Changer, but Dad is Still Dad
My dad was sent into instant dementia because of a failed brain surgery. The irony, of course, was that the surgery was to prevent possible dementia from fluid building up behind scar tissue left by a World War II brain surgery.
So, he had the surgery. One day he was my dad, aging but still Dad. The next day? He was a man with paranoia, hallucinations, and no way to really know our reality from the reality in his brain. A voice from nowhere had fused with his brain during the surgery. We came to call the voice Herman. Sometimes, we could bring Dad away from frightening thoughts by convincing him that Herman was directing him. Mostly we couldn't. Herman was too real to Dad.
But no matter what, Dad was still my dad.
Below, I'm using plural for elders, and I interchange him and her, because even though it's the month we celebrate our dads, most of the ideas apply to mothers, as well.