Conversation Starters: 20 Questions to Ask Your Parents

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We care for our parents every day, in the most intimate of ways. But how well do we really know them? Our parents are the most familiar people in the world but also, sometimes, the most mysterious. Who are they as a person? What were they like when they were growing up? What experiences most impacted their lives? What were their hopes and dreams and regrets?

As adults, so many of us don't ask enough about our parents. Yet there's no better way to become closer to a person, even if you've known her all your life. AgingCare.com has gathered the questions that our elder care experts and editors would most like to ask their own parents. Try them out for yourself. You might gain a new perspective on your parents – and learn something about yourself.

  1. In what ways do you think I'm like you? And not like you?
  2. Who is the person who influenced your life the most?
  3. Do you have a lost love?
  4. Which new technology have you found most helpful in your life.....and which is most annoying?
  5. Is there anything you have always wanted to tell me but never have?
  6. Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents?
  7. Do you wish anything had been different between us, or would you still like to change anything?
  8. What was the happiest moment of your life?
  9. What are you most proud of?
  10. How did your experience in the military mold you as a person?
  11. What are the most important lessons you've learned in life?
  12. What is your earliest memory?
  13. Did you receive an allowance? How much? Did you save your money or spend it?
  14. Who were your friends when you were growing up?
  15. What was your favorite thing to do for fun (movies, beach, etc.)?
  16. What was school like for you as a child? What were your best and worst subjects?
  17. What school activities and sports did you participate in?
  18. Do you remember any fads from your youth? Popular hairstyles? Clothes?
  19. What world events had the most impact on you?
  20. How would you like to be remembered?

Special thanks to our AgingCare.com experts who contributed questions for this article:

Sue Maxwell, MSW, System Director of Gerontology at Lee Memorial Hospital

Rosanne Roge, Financial Planner, Geriatrics

Robert Bornstein, PhD, Licensed Psychologist and Author

Carolyn Rosenblatt, Registered Nurse and Attorney at Law

Carol Bradley Bursack, Author and Moderator of the AgingCare.com community forum

 
Read more about: elderly parents
 
 

Comments

 
  •  Comments 1 to 4 of 4 
 
 

stangoldberg

Give a Hug

Nov 23, 2011

As important as these questions are, I would suggest that it's the place to end, not necessarily to begin. Often, what's most important to a person, whether they are an elder or anyone else, can be best determined by either having a normal conversation or asking a very open-ended question.

In elders whose memories are beginning to fade or are having any cognitive issues, asking a very direct question can be confrontative, making them more aware or what they are losing.

 
 

Astrobright

Give a Hug

Nov 30, 2011

To Give a Hug - You are missing the point. Although we spent the first 20 years or so living with our parents, in most cases we really do not know that much about them as a person. Our parents were busy being parents not friends so we were not the ones with whom they shared this information. I believe it is really important to know who are parents are as individuals. What unusual experiences shaped their lives? What dreams did they have as young adults? Did they fullfill those dreams or do they have regrets? This is an opportunity to really know the people who raised us and it is a real opportunity for our parents to leave their children and grandchildren a legacy of a life lived, challenges faced, dreams fullfilled, and wisdom gathered. Fantastic article.

 
 

silvercreek

Give a Hug

Nov 30, 2011

I am feeling so sorry that I did not connect with my dad when he was alive. I have just found out in the last 2 years that his tour of duty during WW2 was so tramatic for him. He fought with the 36th division and saw so many of his army buddies killed. He never spoke of this to anyone in our family. How I would love to talk to him about his dreams, his thoughts, and thank him for being such a hard worker.

 
 

winnie09

Give a Hug

5 days ago

I not only asked many of these questions, I also recorded my Mother's answers so I now have not only a better insight as to who she was but her voice telling me. She was in her mid 80's and thrilled that I cared to know more about her. I only wish we'd started to do this earlier as it was a bonding activity.

 
  •  Comments 1 to 4 of 4 

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