My Parent Won’t Shower or Change Clothes. What Should I Do?

Accordimg to at least one doctor, elderly don't need to bathe or shower every day. For one thing, their skin is more prone to dryness and for another they don't get all that dirty. This is not to say they shouldn't be encouraged to wash appropriately, but they don't need a full shower or bath every single day.

PCVS

I had this same issue with my Mom. I finally got her to wash her face and hands once in awhile. She passed away 2 months ago.

cmf

I went through this with my dad when he was 77 and still living is his own home -- my mother had died 5 years before. The real culprit was dad's fear of getting in and out of his bathtub (with the high "lip") and being unable to get back out again, especially if he chose to take a bath instead of a shower. As well, there were no grab-bar in his bathroom. Instead of just re-outfitting his bathroom, we instead built a handicap-friendly first-floor apartment onto our house for him ----- and now he takes a shower every day and loves it! With dad living so close to us, I can keep tabs on how often he changes his clothing, bathes and what mending needs to be done. He's much happier, feels secure and as a result ... takes his showers. This has also resulted in his dry-skin problem on his feet clearing up.

My Mom was 92 and living in her own house. I just lived across the street from her. I took care of her. She was able to get around pretty good until about 6 months when she got sick and was in and out of the hospital. She had copd a lung problem and on oxygen all the time. It was very hard for me to try to get her to wash every day. She passed away in Feb at 92yrs old. My dad passed away 11yrs ago at 80.

Wow this has been a great concern of mine. I would try to have 'beauty parlor' day from head to toe! I tried to prepare her ahead of time, to no avail. The only success would be if she had an appointment to go to. Months would go by.

She will walk around the house, going inside and out, as if she is on a mission, which she is, avoiding the bath.

Once it begins to get dark, I know that the bath is not going to happen at night. She gets sun~downers, at times.

These five months, in which I have been sole caregiver to my mom, I have learned much, I see her eyes cloud over and she is so far away. I will say, hey momma, where'd ya go? She would turn and laugh and just say, somewhere.

When we do accomplish the beauty parlor day, she is voices with passion, how much she appreciates it, and then she will apologize and it is then that I feel her humiliation, to which she is fighting, but it is still apparent. I tell her how much I appreciated all the times she bathe me and washing and setting my hair, so turn about fare play! She gives me that beautiful smile and says, I love you.

This article confirmed my thoughts about this topic and with this I can know more about approaching this task. Thank you for sharing.

I care for my mother-in-law, who is in stage 6 of Alzheimer's, and she is convinced that she doesn't need a shower everyday. Everyone else in the house feels otherwise! She stinks so badly every morning that there's simply no choice about it. She also thinks she can wear the same clothes for "about a month" before laundering. When she came to us, it took three washings with a special odor-removing additive to get the urine smell out of her clothes. When I get her up in the morning, I give her the happiest face I can and tell her that she should get ready for her shower. She tends to respond to a happy face better than to words. If she argues, I tell her that everyone in our house showers everyday so she should too. This won't work for everyone, but for us, so far, so good. It helps that she wants her coffee, which comes only after the shower! She is completely ineffective in washing herself, so when she's "done," I soap her up myself, telling her that I'll get her back for her. She knows she can't reach her back, so she lets me. I then just quickly go on to all the other parts. Again, this won't work for a lot of dementia patients, but it's worked so far for us. I think the key is the happy face, smiling and talking to her. She feels loved, so she goes along with it. Sometimes she actually thanks me when I finish washing her!

This article misses an important reason for people with dementia to have problems with showers, baths, even going to the bathroom. People with Dementia often have depth perception and vision changes and often there is a lot of white and soft colors in the bathroom and folks can't tell where the edges of tubs, showers or toilets are! A simple technique is to outline the tub, shower lip or toilet with black or blue masking tape so that a person can see where they are going!

Mom has a skin problem and her dried flesh falls everywhere and she hasn't taken a bath for 5 weeks. The smell is awful and I have tried the above washing her face and arms. She doesn't want me to go further. It's her private parts that smell and she will not clean herself there, what do you recomend? Mom is 79 years old with Dm. She refuses to go to the doctors as well. Any suggestions will be helpful. Thanks, Maggie-

I completely understand. My Mom has canceled her last 3 doctors appts. We have to beg her to shower! We got lucky when Medicare agreed to have a home health nurse come by and bathe her for the next 6 weeks or so. This has helped tremendously, as she is not as argumentative with them as she is with my sister and I. I have tried to get to the bottom of why she hates to shower and I think the main thing was just getting wet and cold. I brought her a great big body towel and that has helped too. I know it sounds mean but can you use scare tactics to get her to go to the doctor? You know like, "Mom, if you don't go get your blood pressure checked there is a chance you may have a stroke and become totally dependent on us!" IF she will let you shower her, try and do like the lady above said. Tell her you are washing her back and then quickly get those private parts. My mom just doesn't seem to smell anything anymore!!!! Would your Mom qualify for a home health nurse to come to the house???

You can't reason with a dementia patient. To get her to the doctor's, you might have to trick her, sorry to say. Some people have succeeded in getting their loved one to the doctor by telling them they're going out to lunch or shopping or wherever they like to go. Then they just make a stop on the way and get that appt taken care of.

Would a bubble bath be more to her liking? If she can sit and soak, it would help. I can't get my MIL in and out of the bathtub, but my husband has given her a couple baths on the one day a week he has the bathing job.