When a Loved One with Alzheimer's Doesn't Recognize You

I found when I was working in the Alzheimer's Unit ( and I will say that I treasured each and everyone there - to me they were and are so special ) I found that when they did not remember me and/or would be talking like they were back in time , I would just join in with them just like it was that time and they would come back to the present. It sometimes took a little bit but it seemed to work and it would not cause them to become frustrated and you will be amazed at how much enjoyment you can get out of it also. As far as forgetting someone, no , they do remember the ones they love.

This is a poem that I saw one time - I don't know who wrote it - but it is could be for man or woman -and it seems to be just the thing at times -

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? .......What do you see?
What are you thinking......when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, ....not very wise,
Uncertain of habit ........with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food.......and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice....."I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice ....the things that you do.
And forever is losing .............. A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not...........lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ...... The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse......you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am ....... As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .....as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten......with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ......who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen ...........with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now. .........a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty .........my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows........that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now .......... I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ...... And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ......... My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ......... With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons ........have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me........to see ! I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, ......... Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ....... My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me .......... My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ...........I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .......young of their own.
And I think of the years...... And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man.........and nature is cruel.
'Tis jest to make old age .......look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles..........grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone........where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass ...... A young guy still dwells,



As for a coma, I would and would tell the families to talk to them , and just like they would were their loved one was able to join in the conversation. I figured that if they could hear someone talking it would make them feel better by doing so.

Like I said they were / are very special people to me. So just be patient with them and know that their love for you is just as strong as ever and then some.

My mom and I have been living together for a little over a year now. I have 5 brothers and needed everyone's consent to move her with me. Only one brother visits regularly and one helps me take care of her daily. The others can not be around her for long periods of time. She doesn't recognize them because of their age. She doesn't even recognize herself in the mirror. But, we play cards and we have tea and cookies and we talk about her past. We try to have fun on the good days. We leave her alone when she doesn't want to be bothered. But that doesn't last too long.

Why this hang up about your loved one saying your name or indicating that they recognize you. When I visit my wife it is enough for me to touch her and tell her that I love her. When I reflect that her cognition is now very low, it does make me sad, but I have to accept it. I prefer this to acting as if my wife were already dead.

Some people do not want to feel the pain of it all. They want what they want.

We live together 24/7 and have a loving time together....
When it is needed, I say, "Hello. My name is Ana, and I'll be your wife." or sometimes "My name is Ana, and I'll be your barber. (or cook, or driver)" It's comforting to him to know who I am and that I am there to help him. He might respond, "OK" or "That's very nice", but It often brings peels of laughter from both of us.....

That's it; there is still an intimacy to the relationship and in its sadness, it can be beautiful.

My father lives with me now for three years. He had a stroke and was unable to return to his own home so, I moved him in with me. I am now going through a divorce my sibling does not help me with him, I am his only caregiver with the exception of in-home care. I enjoy my time with my father even if he didn't know me. Before he had his stroke I knew very little about my father this has been a rewarding time for me and him, I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Are there any Specialists that I can take my mom to, to determine if she has dementia or alzheimers? I know that she has trouble remember simple things now and sleeps all the time. At times, she just sits with her head down and sometimes it looks like she stares into space. She is 90. Please help me.