What to do to Take Care of Your Parent's Money and Finances

Thank you for this excellent article. My parent's finances were beyond warning, and their bank officer pulled me aside, and asked me to start coming along with them for appointments. How alarming! We previously had suspicions, but began to investigate. Piles of papers, Shut-off notices, Solicitor and Collection agency calls, credit card balances that would make a rich person quake, and a stockpiling of goods streaming in weekly from mail order.

Beforehand, I figured it was "none of my business." A diagnosis of Alzheimer's for Dad, and abuse and neglect suddenly made it my business. Neither had ever been good money managers, but their problems became critical. Even though it's their money, the court declared them incapacitated. Now I get to clean up the mess. What a nightmare! One year and a couple months later, things are more manageable, but the learning curve has been great, as well as the stress. Thank God for the help of professionals, the legal system, and caring individuals, who provide advice, support, compassion and love. I'm indebted to many, including this very helpful site.

I just found this site a few days ago. I found it by accident, and so glad I did.
These stories are a lot like mine. I've been dealing with my father's financial mess, which has become my problem and nightmare. Thank God, I found this out before he completely lost everything he has worked his whole life for. There are many predators out there preying on old, lonely, retired, mentally incapacitated people. It can go on for years before people find out about their loved one's financial mess. I have been working on his problems for eight months now. He fell victim to financial abuse from an Insurance Agent/Realtor/Estate Planner. The person found out how much he was worth, where he had it, his personal life, etc. This person then befriended him, and pretended to care about him. They had him moving his money around so much, he couldn't keep track of how much he had and where. This person had him take out a loan on his house that had been paid for many years before. Now he has an ARM mortgage. He is 74 years old. I have filed an Elder Financial Abuse Case. This person was employed by a few Insurance companies that must now answer for that person's actions. This person also had him drain 98% of his life's savings, annuities, etc. This was not an overnight process mind you. This person worked on him for a number of years. I had no idea of the extent of damage, until I went to visit him from out of state. After having to operate mine and my husband's own business for a couple of years, helping to take care of my grandaughter for over three years, so my daughter could finish college with a four year degree. You all know the drill! I hadn't seen my father for five years. We have always been close, and wrote and spoke on the phone frequently, until the personality changes, when he would get mad for no reason and hang up on me. I was constantly in tears, not understanding what was going on. Eight months ago when we finally were able to see him, I walked into the house I had grown up in, in complete and horriffic shock. He was living in squallor. That's when I found out the whole story. I came across thousands of thousands of dollars in wire transfers that were sent to this supposed friend. Needless to say, this person is going to face justice now, in the criminal justice system. It has become my life's mission. Hoping I can regain some of the money he has lost to help cover the cost of his medical care and housing. Right now he is living with me and my family. He has dementia, and has always been very stubborn. He thinks he can go home, but he might lose it, since he is upside down on it and owes more than he can get for it. I'm trying to keep him from that, as best I can. I'm hoping that this person is put away for a long time, and cannot harm another incapacitated person as long as they live. Sorry this is so long, the whole story would take another 20 pages. Someone can have dementia for years before long distance family members realize what's happening, especially if they are not educated about alzheimer's dementia. Thanks for reading.

We share similar woes.

However, we couldn't prosecute, because my hubby's Dad forgot the perpetrator's name and incident due to strokes and dementia. The bank won't produce the evidence. A shame. Dad was left penniless, except for a van, which was sold to put him in assisted living.

Then I found out today my folks owe $16,000.00 in income taxes to the IRS, which will wipe out their IRAs I was going to apply to a portion of their home equity loan. On top of this, Mom has $650.00 monthly utility bills, etc., etc., etc. Can you say crisis?

Anne, I am so so sorry! That is so sad to hear. Everyone's stories are a lot alike, but yet so different too. In my dad's case, since this so called friend was at the time employed by a few insurance companies, I was able to file a complaint with the Department of Insurance, Insurance Investigations Division, within his state. Since they, along with Adult Protective Services, were involved too, we have been able to file charges through the insurance industry. This person was selling annuities, life insurance, and had a real estate license. It keeps getting more and more detailed. But I'm sure that the bank had a petition served to them to produce all banking records by the Insurance Investigator along with the District Attorney. There is always a paper trail somewhere. I hope things go better for you and yours. Take Care

Thanks for posting. The whole thing is sad. The bank involved in our case said they "couldn't find" the records, even for a search warrant.

I told Mom she has to move. She doesn't want to. I don't want to do all the work, clean and sell her house, disperse her belongings. All that's involved... I never had to do any of this before. Petitions to Probate, etc. Nightmare time.

Does it make you think what could be done with $16,000.00? Instead of taking care of my Mom, paying her debts off, now the powers that be will have it to piddle away like my parents did. Glad it wasn't mine.

It is a nightmare. And we wonder, when will it ever end. They do train bank personnel to recognize signs of abuse, neglect, fraud, etc. But I guess they figure, it's none of their business. I'm still mad at my Dad's bank, because he banked there for years, and knew him and saw him constantly. Especially when he was going to the bank several times a month to wire transfer this person several thousand dollars at a time. My name was also on the account, and no one bothered to notify of any suspicious activity. The bank admitted to me that when they questioned him, he would get very irrate. Red Flag! Hopefully when others read our stories, they can learn by them and gain some insight. Take Care Anne, keep us posted.

My mom had all these signs and I was not aware these were all indications there were bigger problems than i could see on the surface. My mom is now in a ALF and I manage all her finances...but it was a ugly mess to weed through as well as I feel as I came in too late and she has very little money left due to all the above issues she fell prey to. I hope more people read this and are better prepared and know the signs than I was.

If not for me, my Dad wouldn't have paid taxes for the last 4 years! At this point, I've taken over his finances, but when I first found out that he was letting his taxes slide, I couldn't get him to take the situation seriously, at all. He would laugh, and say,"Yes, they'll probably be coming to measure me for a stripey suit any day now!" I found it ironic that he insisted that he was perfectly capable of managing all his affairs, and living alone, yet he was putting himself in a position where the only defense he would have against charges of tax evasion was incompetence! And the whole situation was so unnecessary, because he has a wonderful accountant who takes care of everything, and all Dad needed to do was take him the papers related to taxes that came in the mail, and the accountant would take care of it! After 2 or 3 years of untangling him from the mess he got himself in, calling everyone to get replacement copies of all the necessary papers that he had misplaced, I asked him why he let himself get in such a fix, and he said that taking care of such things "wasn't very much fun". I must add, my Dad had always been the most organized and responsible person I ever knew. Beware of such changes in your loved one! Do something right away, because it quickly can become a real mess!

good advice..my dads getting bad with buying stuff he doesnt need. luckly for me, he hates those places asking for handouts since my mom used to spend so much on them, he wont give them a dime!!

I'm still mad at my aunt who did not tell me years ago that my mother and step-dad had failed to pay their 2004 taxes because my aunt did not 'consider it her place to tattle on her older sister." My mother gave me durable POA in 2002, but hid many things from me until 2009. It's taken two years and cost much in penalties, plus required getting a CPA who actually works instead of the so called friend of the family who was semi retired.