Books to Help Caregivers Discuss End-of-Life Issues

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How to Start the Conversation

I would suggest two good books, though there are many more, I'm sure. "Creating the Good Will," by attorney Elizabeth Arnold, emphasizes legacy. Arnold has helped guide many families through the process of end-of-life legal work and she sees that there is much more than mere objects to leave behind. Some people, helped by this excellent book, may find that they want to make their values and wishes for their family's future a part of their end-of-life paperwork. The book is worth reading if you are having any difficulty in deciding how to broach the end-of-life talk, no matter what your age or state of health.

The other book I recommend is "The Parent Care Conversation," by Dan Taylor. This book is also about legacy, but has more information about planning how the parent wants to be cared for. It covers legal work as well. Both books offer insight and are worthwhile reading as each has its own strength.

 
Read more about: elderly fear of death
 

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nurselawyer

Give a Hug

Oct 21, 2009

As a nurse and attorney, I fully agree with Ms. Bursak that "the conversation" needs to take place. However, there are many among us who lack the courage, communication skills or will to have it. There is a lot more to talk about than end of life issues. Any competent estate planning lawyer is going to bring up the need for a healthcare directive and a durable power of attorney for finances. There's more to it than would be covered by these essential documents. What if the aging parent needs help at home? How will that be paid for? And what about those poorly thought out promises to "never put me in a nursing home"? What if the elder is too much for the family to take care of at home? Then what?

Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney

 
 

You are so right, Carolyn. That's why I recommended those excellent books. There are many questions unique to each family. In the end, some families may do well be having a counseling session with a professional to guide them through. I'm not sure every incident will ever be thought of before it happens, but it's good to cover as many as possible. Thanks for your insightful comment.
Carol

 
 

kkinsel

Give a Hug

Jun 21, 2011

Well, I have a unique situation. My father refused to admit that after having a stroke at 81 that he is ever going to die. He really thinks hes superman and sends money to a fraudulent church that tells him as long as he sends money he won't die. How do you talk to someone about death when they don't think they will ever die. My Dad has all his wits about him but refuses to talk to anyone about any serious matters. He ask me about cremation one time but that was before the stroke so we assume maybe that is the right option. He has no money or belongings and no life insurance. This is a tough one. Any ideas?

 
 

TeresaG

Give a Hug

Dec 27, 2011

My mother is the same as the last person discussed. She refuses to discuss any serious matter about her future. She eats healthy but is 81 and weak. She believes if she talks about "negative things" like death and sickness they are then attracted to her, so she won't discuss any practical solutions for the future. She is smart and alert in other ways. I have to clean her room when she visits my sister since she does not want me to invade her privacy. She wants full control of her life, which I try to respect, but she cannot do the things needed anymore. It is hard to reason with a stubborn person who is sharp in some ways and failing in other ways.

 
 

Bhenson

Give a Hug

Mar 17, 2012

I absolutely agree but I want to make sure everyone knows that even though your name is on the end of life paperwork, if you are second, the hospital or nursing home will always go with the first person listed. I say this because my brother is listed first on mom's living will. He hasn't seen her in over 8 years nor talked to her but she never updated this paper. I had to make some very serious life decisions for mom this week and believe it or not, they would not do anything I asked until speaking to my brother. He doesn't give a darn about mom but...he is listed first and gets to decide for my mother. She lived with me the last 2 years but I really have no say now. Sad course of events. Please make sure everyone knows to keep this paperwork up to date.

 
 

peeweedeb

Give a Hug

Mar 19, 2012

Sounds as if your brother is trying to get his hands in the till!

 
  •  Comments 1 to 6 of 6 

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