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Have “The Talk” with Elders: End-of-Life Issue Conversations

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Having "The Talk" with Elders - Conversations on End of Life issues

Sex and death. It's odd that those two topics should bring so much anxiety to parents and children. But, there you have it. One – sex – is about the beginning of life. The other – death – is about the end. Both are a part of the lifecycle, but if anything, sex is easier for many to discuss than death.

I've found in my experience that it isn't always the elders who shy away from end-of-life talks. Some do, of course, but many would like to discuss the arrangements they've made for finances, as well as their opinions about what measures they would want taken if they needed someone to make their decisions if they can't, however the adult children often find excuses to put off that particular "talk."

Few of us like to consider the fact that our parents will die. However they will. Nothing will change that fact. Good medical care, solid healthful habits, a pleasant social life – all of these may extend our years, but in the end, we will die.

With this in mind, it is to everyone's advantage to discuss the details at as early a stage as possible. As I told my kids when I had my own legal papers drawn up, "Let's do all of this and then get on with the business of living." We did just that, and while my sons didn't find the prospect of my death fun to talk about, they dutifully listened to what I had drawn up and where I keep my papers.

Whether it is the adult children or the parents who don't want to have the talk, this is something that needs to be done.

 
Read more about: elderly fear of death
 

Comments

 
  •  Comments 1 to 6 of 6 
 
 

You are so right, Carolyn. That's why I recommended those excellent books. There are many questions unique to each family. In the end, some families may do well be having a counseling session with a professional to guide them through. I'm not sure every incident will ever be thought of before it happens, but it's good to cover as many as possible. Thanks for your insightful comment.
Carol

 
 

kkinsel

Give a Hug

Jun 21, 2011

Well, I have a unique situation. My father refused to admit that after having a stroke at 81 that he is ever going to die. He really thinks hes superman and sends money to a fraudulent church that tells him as long as he sends money he won't die. How do you talk to someone about death when they don't think they will ever die. My Dad has all his wits about him but refuses to talk to anyone about any serious matters. He ask me about cremation one time but that was before the stroke so we assume maybe that is the right option. He has no money or belongings and no life insurance. This is a tough one. Any ideas?

 
 

TeresaG

Give a Hug

Dec 27, 2011

My mother is the same as the last person discussed. She refuses to discuss any serious matter about her future. She eats healthy but is 81 and weak. She believes if she talks about "negative things" like death and sickness they are then attracted to her, so she won't discuss any practical solutions for the future. She is smart and alert in other ways. I have to clean her room when she visits my sister since she does not want me to invade her privacy. She wants full control of her life, which I try to respect, but she cannot do the things needed anymore. It is hard to reason with a stubborn person who is sharp in some ways and failing in other ways.

 
 

Bhenson

Give a Hug

Mar 17, 2012

I absolutely agree but I want to make sure everyone knows that even though your name is on the end of life paperwork, if you are second, the hospital or nursing home will always go with the first person listed. I say this because my brother is listed first on mom's living will. He hasn't seen her in over 8 years nor talked to her but she never updated this paper. I had to make some very serious life decisions for mom this week and believe it or not, they would not do anything I asked until speaking to my brother. He doesn't give a darn about mom but...he is listed first and gets to decide for my mother. She lived with me the last 2 years but I really have no say now. Sad course of events. Please make sure everyone knows to keep this paperwork up to date.

 
 

peeweedeb

Give a Hug

Mar 19, 2012

Sounds as if your brother is trying to get his hands in the till!

 
  •  Comments 1 to 6 of 6 

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