How do I deal with a parent who likes to fight and always has to be right?

If your mother always has to be right, let her be. A simple "I don't agree with you, but you're probably right." might end it. How can she argue if you're saying she's right? That could be a matter of maintaining some control of her life, or arguing and being right is how she's always been.

I have to add a few words to this subject because of personal experience. The first time I had to deal with someone who HAD to be right was when I lived with my brother for a few months of "re-location." My mother said that I would need to be "condescending" for this temporary living situation to work. I had come to realize my mom had gained a lot of practical "wisdom," and followed her advice. Whenever my brother and I would start to disagree or I became aware of getting into "I'm Right," territory, I took a condescending attitude and it ALWAYS worked., avoiding conflict, anger and fighting. I really didn't matter to me (being right) and it really was important to him...so why not? Having to "be right," seems more of a character flaw..a handicap, and when I changed my attitude, our relationship improved. My brother didn't know the real reason we got along....He just thought I had changed, (we both changed) and our relationship improved from that time on. My mother was also a challenge for me...she had to have the "last word." I had not realized it was an issue. One day, she grew agitated and asked me why did I "always have to have the last word?" I was suddenly aware.... having the last word was important to HER, not to me....I became more aware when she needed to "have the last word.' Our relationship improved..! I changed my attitude and gave up something that she needed and was not important to me.....Why not?

Easier said then done.... my family member likes to set you up and then complain about everything for the last 50 years...she never takes the blame for anything... criticizes and then spreads stories to her friends to make us look bad...everyone knows her behavior but are afraid to say anything, because she is loud and vugar.

Most people seemed to accept what my husband said and it really bothered me one doc told him not to talk to his wife like that and he was right after that I did not go into exam rooms with him but later on a church member said to a friend who was also a relative that if he treats her like that in public I wonder how he treats her at home-I did decide to place him because I had health problems and he was so disagreeable and hard to care for a I realized I did not deserve his treatment of me. But by the end-he died before the medicaide process was done- I learned just to leave his space and not carry on a conversation because he wanted to argue all the time.

My husband does this to me all the time,almost every day. I am getting I can't stand to be around him alot.He will say the nastiest thing I just want to run. I don't have any answers for you but your not alone.I wish you luck

Just agree with them, and they will stop arguing, since there aint nothing to debate on. Then consider going to your room or turning up the radio and say " I CANT HEAR YOU".

Some people are cantankerous by personality. I'd like to say that dementia can also play a role. I've heard one person in very early stage explain that she has lost confidence in so many things. When there is something she is confident that she knows she clings to it and defends her position, way beyond the value of the subject. She is dismayed at being wrong or uncertain so much that she has become very argumentative when she thinks she is right.

If this need to be right is a new behavior and the loved one has some dementia, this could be a factor. Knowing that should make it easier to simply let them be right.

my dads been that way for years, only because he didnt get a rise out of me, hes moved onto sabatogging me in public.. this i cannot tolerate.. its one thing to yell at me at home, to blame me for all the money problems ,not only in his house, but apperently the world, ( yes, world hunger? my fault too.) but he actually tried to slam me up against the wall the other day after my back had been killing me for 3 days!! even when my back is in pain, i can easily take an 85 yr old, but im not going to, i left.. i cant afford to stay gone long and im sooo dreading having to go back home...i cant do this crap alone, ive been asking, begging for help, im done.. i did not sign up to be abused here.

I think people who have been healthy, independent & in charge of their life find it very difficult to rely on others to help them. Mainly because we can't do it their way. Our olders folks were a strong people. Let them do as much as they can for themselves. It helps them maintain that independence and self respect. We as caretakers have to remember we don't have to change personalities everytime we come into that person's presence. As Popeye says "I yam what I yam." While we can show grace, compassion & love, love does not mean being we need to be a emotional punching bag or a doormat for anyone,especially if they are being a bully.

aune, i totally get that, and ive always made sure to be 'in the background' kind of thing, when he messes up, i quietly fix things, i dont make a big thing out of 'oh, look how lame you are,' i never do that, so why does he have to publicly humiliate me? thats what upsets me the most, i dont care when he takes credit for all i actually do, but for him to set me up to fall, thats not cool.
he recently stopped paying the amex bill even though i was giving him money for my card, he didnt bother to tell me, but he sure makes it a point to tell everyone how huge my bill is.. well, duh, it went totally unpaid for a few months, it was in the range i could easily afford, had he paid it. now i send payments stright to amex.but he STILL tells anyone that will listen how big a spender i am.why? i dont see why he goes so out of his way to make me look bad, im happy in the shadows here, ive completly turned this house around and ive taken a lot of pride in that, but i dont need others to tell me how great i am, he does.because im not telling him how gret he is that makes me evil...
i dont know. seems to me when one person ( my mom) goes insane in your home, its probably that person. when two people go insane in your home ( brother mike) its probably coincidence.but when three go insane, ( now me) its definatly you!!