Should I quit my job to take care of my elderly parents?

Quitting your job to take care of your parents is admirable and most likely your are pondering this decision out of your "emotions" and not out of your "head." Quitting any job in today's economy should be an extremely well thought out decision. If you quit largely due to wanting to take care of your parents, you could bet resentful down the road. Of course, if you have other means of income for example a working spouse then this changes things. Just try to weigh the pros and cons. You will make the right decision but it should be right for you too.

Good Advice.
I moved in with my father after quitting my job. I was exhausted. I moved cross country. He was a disabled veteran. I only moved there expecting to take a few college courses and get back on my feet. I was 48. I had been a divorced single parent and my son was in his third year of college.
He didn't tell me how ill he was, Cancer, Partially Blind, and Dementia.
I never did get back on my feet and the stress from caring for him, knocked out my immune system. I was unable to care for myself.
I had been a runner and all that stress threw me into Rapid Onset Parkinson's Dystonia. Stress kills.
No it's not worth it. I just was approved for social security disability at 64 years old.
I took out a private ins. policy 16 yrs. ago. The premium is 860 a month now.
I have 4 months of living expenses left and my retirement dropped to 600 a month.
After he passed on I had 3 yrs living expenses. EVERY BIT went toward health care and medicine for me. I will prob. not live to be 65.
Yes I am bitter at the situation I got myself into. I panicked. Didn't think things out.

Once you move in with them you are trapped emotionally and feel so sorry for them you forget about your own needs and lose your own idenity.
I had 0 people to help me. People treat you like garbage too. I worked in a Bank before. I will always regret it. I was so isolated. You end up being tied to their fear and lose your own self.
NO one can do it alone without it taking a toll on your own health.

3 yrs ago I quit my job at age 48 and moved back to mom's house She has PD. Would I do again? No. But at the time(3 yrs ago) I assumed (remember what they say about that?) that I would be able to get a job in my field and mom would have in home care while I was at work. What is that they say about wanting to make God laugh just tell him your plans. Now, no job and the prospects of getting one when this primary caregiving role has ended don't look great for someone in their 50s and out of the job mkt for years. My mother is a wonderful sweet person and helps me financially (she even wants to see if her LTC policy can start to pay me but I don't knowi f they will since i'm a relative and frankly I hope they don't so that could be a push toward others to be here besides me) But I wouldnt' do it again because it's not practical or healthy to just give up your life beccause of your parent's health because you will resent them sooner or ltr no matter how much you love them and get along with them. You just get tired of being tied to a person 24/7 and having no social life except for going to the store and MAYBE a brief weekend 2 or 3X a year -- IF YOU"RE THAT LUCKY (I have been but some on this site NEVER get a day off). If I had to do it over, I would not have done it and would have worked VERY hard at convincing mom to go into some type of assisted living facility. Would have been better for her to because they at least have activities there. Here it's just the 2 of us 99% of the time because her friends only make the birhtday/Easter and Christmas visits.

That is all great advice. I'll tell you my story to give you another perspective. I quit my job, the first really good job I ever had, to move back across country because my mother was calling me crying. She and my sister have had an especially problematic relationship. We are both very close to her. Not long after I moved with my boyfriend, she got a lot more ill. My sister and I had to cope full time with lots of complications of bipolar disorder. Here's one thing that's different: my mother is pretty secure financially. She pays me a fairly good wage. She has assets she wants to leave us. This makes a big difference. I've told her before I can take care of her myself in large part because she has the wherewithal to help me too. Otherwise, how could I afford at 54 to not worry for the moment about my future income as a "retiree" (not that I expect to ever be a retiree, really). I already have to put up with no health insurance... just hope nothing goes wrong... I'm lucky there too, I'm basically healthy.

And here's my special situation in terms of the "giving your whole life up and getting eaten by resentment problem." This is a serious problem for most people and I'm sure most parents wouldn't want to see their children's lives cut short and marred by losing all of their options. In my case, I was a writer. If I still want to write, nothing's stopping me. In fact, I'm in a situation where I'm basically supported for that (if I can manage to save a little energy for that, which has been a big problem, I admit). I also have traveled a whole lot and had lots of fun doing it, I guess you could say, I sowed lots of wild oats, and now I'm kind of glad I'm not doing that because it's distracting, now I mostly want to stay in one place and nurture some quietude for myself. As for my boyfriend, who moved to his mother's state to take care of her, I'm not too attached right now to having a man around.

I'm telling you all these details so you can see how my special circumstances made it okay for me to quit my job, even though I don't know what in the future exactly I can do, and I know it's not going to be easy. I take some online courses and still think about how I can get some kind of job. If it happens while my mother is still alive, we'll have to take what I'm being paid and find someone to help us. Luckily we are in a house with handicapped accessible furnishings. You can see how in so many ways we are lucky and all this makes our situation possible. With all that it's still very difficult for me, because I'm definitely on 24/7, and my mom, with bp disorder and probably dementia, just needs more and more care. And I think that part is everyone's story, right? Good luck thinking about all these things. The wisest words I heard here are above: any decision to quit a job should be very, very carefully considered. You might quit your job to help your parents, then find out that you are still not able to provide exactly the help they need. Good luck! OXOX Hannalee

I took care of my mother for over 10 years.I quit my job five years ago to take care of her and would do it all over again.The time I got to spend with with mother was price less.She was happy and loved me unconditionally and I did her. It is hard to loose your free time,personal life,and most of your friends due to being with your parent 24 - 7.But when my mother passed November 17th 2012 I knew I did everything I could do for her.It does take a toll on your health,body,and social life but that will work its self out in due time.I will never regret the time I got to spend with my mother bad and good.My mother raised me to be a strong man I will never forget what she taught me.I will never forget my mother and happy I was blessed to be able to take care of her like she did me.Spend as much time as you can with your parents while there alive,its to late when there gone for ever,

Darren Aubrey

I would say think it over very carefully. I left my job and brought my child here so that I could take care of my Mother. She is still very active at 95. I feel I traded my life for hers. I don't know what I will do when she departs this life. I haven't found a good job for a few years. I am older now and have not a clue what I will do for income. I have worked part time, but if I work she will not likely want to live. I feel I can endure this for a little time more. I explain that when I go to work, she will not be able to go out and do what she does any longer. I know she will get unhappy. I go through bouts of depression and it is not bad now. I would probably do it again, personally. I love my Mother and she has always been good to me. I feel that if I didn't, I might look back and regret that I didn't help out. I don't get much time off, but I don't have a lot of physical care for her either. If she needs it, so far she has insurance and VA. Me? I go to a free clinic for now, only if it isn't an emergency. I am thinking about selling some insurance from home. I have to look into that. I just don't know what I will do when she passes. I try to live in the now.

Good for you for wanting to help your parents. I did quit my job to stay home with my mother when she had her leg amputated and she could not get around anymore. Though it was a little tough, I found it was worth it. I had almost 6 years with my mother where my two brothers were not and they're clueless. My father worked but was layed off his job last year so he too was able to spend time with her before she died (they were married for 55 years). I wouldn't trade those 6 yrs for anything. Good luck.

Right, I just want to add, you get a lot out of giving such an important gift. How you feel about your parents is important. I'm very, very attached to my mother. But I think it's always true that you are in fact giving up your own life for someone else. You're there to try to guide and be nearby your loved one while they take a very difficult journey. You are making a big sacrifice. I for one think, though, that you can't do that if it means you have to give up your chances forever.

I I know that one thing that a few of mentioned is their own health -- not that of the person they're caring for but their own health that has either been jeopardized by the 24/7 caregiving role or else is just starting to fail due to themselves becoming seniors,. It really is not helpful to the parent to have the caregiver sick as well. So you may be the most altruistic person in the world who has no regrets about giving up your life, your body may think otherwise.

I am almost 60 and my parents are 87 and 88, rather weak but still ambulatory, and with some dementia (mostly my mother who has little short-term memory left). I am single and live 500 miles from them, and I have a married sister who is 400 miles from them and from me. We take turns visiting our parents, and a very generous neighbor has been providing much help when we aren't there, but she is "burning out" because it takes so much time from her own family and needs. It's getting to the point where my parents need someone there to do more or they may have to go into an assisted living or nursing home, although they strongly prefer to stay in their own home. For the past year I have been thinking of quitting my job to move back with them to help them. There are several factors: although I am well-educated, my job pays only a moderate salary, and I am living in an area in which I don't plan to stay any longer than necessary. My parents are reasonably well-off and want to leave an estate to my sister and me. Besides wanting to help my parents, I have trouble accepting the idea of their having to shell out several times my salary to an outsider, whereas in a sense my "reward" for taking care of them would be a much more comfortable retirement myself (if there is such a thing anymore). Some people think my plan makes sense while others say my parents could live a long time and I would have to "give up my life" to do it. Other than for some travel, my life isn't really all that exciting, so this wouldn't be so much of a sacrifice on my part. Otherwise, I would like to retire at 62 1/2. Any thoughts or comments?