How do I get my sick elderly mother to eat when she refuses?

I have my mom in a nursing home because she has problem with her back and she can not walk. She has not eat anything solid for 3 month, I do try and take her some soup but sometimes most of the time she tells me she already ate, Oh She does have demention. But the aides at the nursing home tell me that she did not want to eat they do give her ensure sometimes. I say sometimes because they put it on the table but she does not drink it most of the time. All she does is look at the ceiling all day and talk to heself. And when I visit her she tells me how is papo or any other name of people that are dead for years. I am so scare for her and it really hurst to see her like that. She is in and out of the emergency every three weeks. Please help me and let me know what is the best thing to do.

Thanking you in advance

Isabel Ramos

The first thing that will help is to go to the DON and Administrator and tell them you expect to have a sit down meeting to define a careplan - the next step is to hold them accountable to it - do you have any family or mothers friends who can also come to take the burden from you?. When it comes to nursing homes unless you are there and proactive (think squeaky wheel gets the grease) no one will bother - right now letting someone sit all day staring at the ceiling and talking to themself is NOT OK....dementia or no. Review her medications; review her nutrition and discuss PT/OT with the activity director or physical therapist.
the hard part is that you must walk a fine line and not alienate these people - generally if the see you are there for your mom and care - and perhaps bring them a treat & tell the staff who care for her thank you for helping, it can help enormously. Many staff in nursing homes go home & take care of their own parents...good luck. I went throught that with my mother and was amazed at what attention and nutrition did for her. no miracles, but we do what they did for us as children.

i have worked with a lady too .she didnt want to eat . i gave her a shake in the mornings .it included one cup of milk. half a tsp of vannilla. two raw eggs . also a bannana . the vanilla is to give it a taste of sweet ness. all this was blended in a blender like a milk shake. believe she st artedto eat after that.

Raw eggs??????? Raw eggs usually are contaminated with salmonella....not a problem if proerly cooked, but raw, it is a prescription for infection and death for elderly patients.

My problems are not so much my mother won't eat, but that she won't take her medications. She's decided she'd rather just die. I told her the meds would improve her quality of life. Part of the problem is that my father is a retired physician and tells her those prescriptions are "meddlesome medicine".

My mother was in a nursing home and had a sporadic appetite. When I would visit her, we would watch the Food Network for about an hour before time for dinner. She was fascinated by the cooking and would indicate how much she liked the looks of the food. By the time her dinner tray came, she was hungry and would eat better. I kept the Food Network on during the meal, so she could keep watching. Unbelievably, it really worked!

Beth

BTW Raw eggs are not USUALLY contaminated with Salmonella. According to 1999 data less than 10% of US flocks had at least one hen that was Salmonella positive. With that said, raw eggs are NOT advised for elderly or children because of the risk of Salmonella.

please help. My mom is living with my twin sister, I go over everyday to give mom her meds. for the past 2 weeks my sister has been on vacation so I didn't have to go over. Mom has started to stay in bed all day because she is tired, and she wont eat. Yesterday I went over and told mom it was time to get up and take your med and I could hear ice cream calling so we had to go out... after some time she was ready to go. my sister got out of my car first, I asked mom what she wanted she told me nothing she wasn't hungry I told mom that if she didn't start to eat something there was talking going around with the sisters about a feeding tube. My mom ate her ice cream and had very little for dinner that night. today she got up and dressed. Did I do the wrong thing by telling her. my twin says so? any advice on how I could get mom to eat more, I am not ready for mom to give up well she might but I am not going to give up on her.
thank you for all your help.

My mom says she wants to eat, but then she holds food and/or medication in her mouth. She may hold it for a minute or 15 minutes. We have to continually coax her to get her to swallow, eventually she will swallow or sometimes she will spit it out. We have done all the suggested things: calm environment, sit her up straight, blend or cut her up food into small pieces, she does drink Ensure Plus with thickening agent. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
CD

At some point we all go thru this stage. My mother did. You ask if they are hungry no. What do you want to eat, nothing. You want to scream. So I went old school. I started preparing the foods she made for the family when I was growing up. Plus I give her vitamins and shakes,drinks that have nutrients in them. Stimulates her appetite, seems to work so far. I do like the suggestion Beth made. We will do what ever it takes to get them to eat. At times I don't even ask the questions of are you hungry or what would you like. I prepare the meal and place it in front of her and sit with her while she eats. There are a lot of factors that causes them not to eat. Meds, state of mind. But in the end all we want is for them to eat.
I hope this helps.
Topaz