Follow
Share

I have an MRI scheduled on Monday for my neck. I have a vertebrae problem that my doctor thinks is compressing my spinal column when I hold my head down. (Which is most of the tile when I care for mom or am working in my beauty shop)
if the MRI doesn’t show anything then he’s doing a brain scan. My symptoms have really concerned him.
my mom has MULTIPLE health problems and is extremely dependent upon me. On top of that, she has always been a narcissist and out relationship has never been great.
she refused to believe that there’s anything seriously wrong with me. (She hurts more than anyone)
she refuses to go into a nursing home and physically I’m not going to do this much longer.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I’m sorry for your situation .

More information would be helpful for you to receive suggestions . Does Mom live in your home ? What are her care needs? Does she have dementia , mobility problems, incontinence ? Is Mom still competent to make her own decisions? Or are you active POA ?
If you are POA and Mom can’t make decisions you can admit her to a facility.
Otherwise seek help from your County Area of aging or an elder care lawyer (if Mom is living with you ) to get Mom out of your home to a facility .
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Mom has no choice now but to go into a facility. It's either that or you further injure yourself taking care of her and spending the rest of your life in severe pain. It's past time that you choose yourself. If mom is too selfish to understand that well too bad for her. You can see her priority is her and she doesnt care what happens to you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Your profile says that your mom still lives at home. I'm assuming that means she's still in her own home. You don't list any health issues that she has however, in fact it sounds like you're in worse shape than she is, so time for you to put yourself first, and let mom know that from here on out you will not be doing anything for her as you just can't anymore and if she needs additional help that she's either going to have to hire in home help for herself(with her own money)or move into an assisted living facility. Period.
Stand your ground and don't let her make you feel guilty for wanting to take care of yourself, as you and your health matter too.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

From your profile:

"I’m a 90% disabled veteran with ptsd..."

You don't say why you are your Mom's caregiver... is she disabled? Has dementia? This is important to know for us to give you advice.

Are you your Mom's PoA? If not, is anyone?

Does your Mom have the financial means to pay for in-home aids or transition to AL?

If she isn't cognitively impaired then she gets to make her own decisions, but so do you. You need to care for you, period.

If she is cognitively impaired and you are her PoA and she has the financial means to be transitioned into a facility, this is the route I would personally take (even if she wasn't in agreement with it there are ways to coax her to go).

If she is cognitively impaired but she doesn't have a PoA and/or doesn't have financial means to pay for non-family care, then this is going to be stickier, but not impossible. More info is needed.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

All right. Time to take the bull by the horns.
It doesn't matter WHAT mom thinks.
It is time to tell her that your caregiving days are over and that you no longer wish to live with her and that you will assist her in finding placement. PERIOD and end of sentence. You are a grownup. It is time to directly take on those who wish to use and abuse you, and to preserve your own well being.

Cervical spine surgery is very dicey. I have a neighbor who has never been the same after hers. No more ability to garden. Limited movement. I caution you not to only consult surgeon but also neurologist. I at 81 have some compression due to old whiplash and general nurse's spine, and I was having nerve pain due to it. I was referred to PT and the exercises over the last month have wiped out the nerve pain completely. So take care on this front.

You can end up paralyzed due to cervical spinal issues. This is nothing to beat about the bush with. Mom will be told. Her reaction, whether disbelief, argument, and whatever is not something anyone should care about.

Meanwhile you MUST work only with those chairs that raise and lower your client. I don't know is a collar is recommended for now but you need to consider as a reminder on your neck movement, so discuss with doc.

Hope you will update us, and hope you will take the reins now knowing that you are in charge of your health and future.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Have your doctor explain to Mom that you will no longer be able to help her because you do or will have limitations. That she will need to hire help or go to an AL if she can afford it. You are important.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I don't understand why you, " a 90% disabled veteran with ptsd..." have been the primary caregiver for mom to begin with. Time to let her know those days are OVER now as you have issues that need attention. She can hire in home caregivers herself or move into managed care now.

I had fusion surgery on my cervical spine in 2008, which is performed by a neurosurgeon. I had 100% success and 15 years later, have 85% range of motion in my neck. All the pain was gone right after surgery and hasnt come back again, fortunately. Not all surgeries are optional, so if you wind up getting this one, I'm sure you'll be fine, as most people are.

Look after yourself now, your mother's life is not the only life that matters.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter