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Although 100, my husband seems to be without dementia. But his sensory and mobility problems really interfere with his doing the things he used to like --reading, watching TV, socializing, creating mosaic paintings. Mainly he sleeps a lot of the day. I've talked to him about a senior day care program. He's not very interested, but has said he will give it a try after the holidays. He has never been a card player, can no longer play Scrabble. I dont think his eyesight would allow him to do jigsaw puzzles. Any suggestions would be appreciated. It is sad to see a very intelligent and well-educated man just sleep and vegetate all day.

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Let him sleep, “perchance to dream.”

There is nothing terrible about slowly winding down, content to have lived a full life.

Babies need a great deal of sleep. Very, very old people do, as well. Let him be.
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waytomisery Nov 12, 2023
I agree, old people sleep a lot like babies. And we rarely wake up sleeping babies . My Mom used to say you leave this world the same way you came. Bald , no teeth and in diapers. 😬😬
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Oh my goodness, he’s earned the right to spend his time sleeping if he likes!

No matter how intelligent and educated, we need more sleep as we grow old. Leave him alone and live your own life. If I were a hundred years old, I’d be annoyed if my spouse wanted me to go to day care and bat balloons around a table or something equally stupid. I’m sure that what’s going on inside his head is way more interesting than that.
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lealonnie1 Nov 12, 2023
It always causes me to 🙄 when I read about how intelligent and educated an elder is, and who's "wasting his life" somehow by not inventing a cure for cancer at 100. Let the poor soul SLEEP! He doesn't have to be intelligent or educated at 100!
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My suggestion is to let him be, at 100 he deserves to do whatever he wants to, if it's nothing, that's ok too.

Living to a 100 is a miracle into itself! Let him be, you can enjoy your life while he sleeps.
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There are a lot of audio books available now. There are also games adapted for the visually impaired if the reason he can no longer play scrabble is his poor eyesight. Don't hesitate to get help from your local association for the blind, there are so many adaptive products that can make daily life easier for those with visual impairment.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thank you for your response. I never thought of getting help from the local association for the blind. Also my friend is a retired special ed teacher who taught blind children, so I will also talk to her.
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Is he bored ? Or is he content ? If he doesn’t like daycare , don’t force it. At 100 it may be too much of an effort to get out . I like the audio books idea if he can hear .How about music as well ? Listen to pod casts ? Does he have hearing aids?
He is likely to need to sleep a lot at his age .
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waytomisery Nov 12, 2023
Don’t wake me up if I’m 100.
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Librivox has wonderful books on podcast if he likes to be read to. All free.
Sleeping a lot is the norm, and something my dad did in his 90s, and said he just longed to be allowed to sleep into the "long long nap". He was so ready to go and really needed very little in terms of entertainment or "doing". He liked to talk about his feelings, no depression, just longed to sleep a lot. Ate very little. Had had a good life and was "ready". Seemed boring to ME that high point of his day was Larry Kind Live, but HE was contented.
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wrbh.org, a non profit radio station, reads tons of fiction and non fiction books for the blind or those who have poor eyesight.

They also read articles from medical journals, magazines and newspapers.

Every once in awhile the author of the book will read it.

You could also do a search online for podcasts on topics that he is interested in.

Music is also wonderful entertainment and therapeutic as well. Some of our local musicians here in New Orleans visit hospitals and hospice facilities and play music.

Many people report that their pain and anxiety/depression eases when they listen to music.

Best wishes to you and your husband.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thank you for all your wonderful suggestions. I definitely plan to follow up on them after the holidays when we return from vacation. I think the non-profit radio station you mentioned will be really interesting to him. He was a hospital administrator and will really enjoy hearing articles from medical journals. He really misses reading the newspapers daily, and looks at the headlines and asks me what the articles were about. So if they read articles from newspapers he will enjoy that as well.
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Your husband is 100, not 60 or 70, so let the poor man sleep all he wants, as he's earned that right. Plus I can only imagine that at 100 years old that he is beyond tired. I know I would be if I get to live that long.
He's lived his life the way he wanted I'm sure, so let him now leave this life for the next in whatever way he sees fit. And if that's sleeping the better part of the day, so be it. You can turn on his favorite music(up loud if necessary)for him to listen to while he sleeps if you feel you must do something.
But please don't put your unrealistic expectations on him. Just let him be.
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Audible books can be wonderful. What about music? Comfortable headphones can address hearing issues. You mention eyesight problem but don’t say exactly what it is. Does he need to see an ophthalmologist for suitable eye wear? Does he have glaucoma?
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
He goes to the opthamologist quite often. He doesnt have glaucoma, but a stroke in the part of the brain that controls vision left him with no peripheral vision in one eye, and he has a bad cataract in the other.

I will definitely follow up with the headphones and audio books after the holidays.
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My dad has AMD and can no longer read or even watch TV. He enjoys music. He’s in a NH. I carry a Bluetooth speaker with me and play music from Pandora when I visit.

I like the idea of the Audible books, but only if he can manage his technology himself. My dad cannot do that anymore.
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AZDesertgirl Nov 14, 2023
Audible is a great idea, but I understand how using it can be overwhelming.

My deceased mother was in her lockdown memory care. I brought her an old CD/radio player, and put a relaxing CD on repeat mode. She could no longer operate the buttons. Perhaps you can ask the NH staff to switch the CD out in his room once or twice, a day.

Will the NH allow a small sign on the door, perhaps, to remind them?

Or perhaps there are short story books on CD, as I know Audible may be too confusing to operate for him.

AZ Desertgirl
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I suggest having a couple of over the ear headphones available that are stored in a heavy duty, large, clam shell type box.

Write his name on each of them if he’s in a nursing home. I have three different sets of EarPods that I keep charged and rotate easily. I keep them in a little mesh type zipper bag where everything stays together. The charge lasts about four hours, or so, but having more than one set will be very convenient.

I agree with you that your husband is far too intelligent to be left to sleep all day. Are there any senior activities available to him? It sounds like he may live at home, but how about doing some physical therapy with him while sitting in a chair? Chair yoga, perhaps? Something that you can easily do together, to bond, but that is very gentle on his body and yours too.

Bless you for taking such care for his mind. He needs mental stimulation which is so very helpful for an intelligent man. I would suggest gardening but I’m not sure that would be attainable. Can you move him outdoors to enjoy the breeze, or the cooler weather? Depending on your geographic location, of course.

I suggest chair yoga one last time. You can find videos on YouTube or buy a couple of dvds to have on hand, switching them out every now and again.

Good luck to you! Please let us know how your proposed activities work for both of you. 😉
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
For awhile a physical therapist came, and taught him some in-chair exercises, which he continues to do. I love the idea of chair yoga, as I used to do it at the Y and found it was the most relaxing thing I had ever done. I'm not sure if he could hear a DVD, but I will try it and we can do it together. ( I am planning to get him headphones). I had been contemplating a class at a community center, but our doing it together would be better and more motivating for him.

Nix to outdoor things, as we live in the northeast, and he is ALWAYS cold. We keep the thermostat at 75 in both the summer and winter. We do have a patio and he does sit out there sometimes in the summer. But except for going to doctor appointments and for the occasional lunch at the diner, he is not interested in being outdoors.

Thanks again for your input...
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My mother had the same issues. She was a big reader (six books/week), a librarian and an artist, and she developed macular degeneration, so you can imagine how her world just shrunk to nothing. She also had dementia, mobility problems, and severe hearing loss.

She too, slept all day, and I always suspected much of the reason was boredom. Sure enough, when she went to memory care, she stayed awake most of the day, because she was AROUND activities and other people even when she couldn't fully participate. She'd have rather stuck needles in her eyes than play bingo, but she did seem to enjoy being aroud others who were playing it.

For her, music therapy was where she really brightened up. They had endless sing-along sessions at her place, and she loved them. They cranked up the volume, and she could hear that well enough.

It's tough to find enough that's stimulating for a person who's home and not around others, but you might try playing music, books on tape with headphones, and just plain conversation.

The key is to mix things up each day, because I think a lot of what gets older people hung up is the incessant routine of their days.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thanks for your response. I think "mixing up things" is a really good suggestion, as the days have become an incessant routine for him, and the afternoon nap part that last for hours might be alleviated with some new activities during that time period.
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Teach solitaire! several single games played over phone free. Phone store or grandkid will download and once you get an edge you can play with people in the same game connected to internet.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thanks for your suggestion. Neither of us know any card games. Not even Solitaire. But I have bought a word game on cards, and am hoping that will work.
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My Mom is also approaching 100 in a few weeks. She can’t see, can’t feel the tips of her fingers, and worries about EVERYTHING. But she's still quite sharp in her thinking. I kind of wish she would sleep more. Anyway, if you or he or someone you know is at all up on technology (a big ask, I know), there’s streaming audiobooks and podcasts that he may enjoy. He could use speech recognition to text or email friends and family. Getting out and about is problematic, he may or may not enjoy things like shopping or dealing with other old people, especially if they’re not as “with it” as he is. My mom will never go to a day care, they’re full of old people.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 16, 2023
My word, Matty!

Your mom sounds like my 100 year old cousin. She talks about what she’s doing next year! LOL 😆 Plus, she still drives. She gets speeding tickets. Her kids have begged her to stop driving.

She cooks and cleans and helps the ‘old’ people in her senior apartment complex. Oh, she even wears heels and still dresses up with hair done and makeup on!

We call her the energizer bunny!
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Honor his wishes. At 100 he may certainly sleep more and, not being interested in group activities such as adult day care is certainly understandable also. Let him be at peace honoring his choices as long as he is safe. God bless him and you. Hint: often it is well meaning loved ones who are anxious and want to see the loved one " more active". Do things for yourself and, let him be ...... respect his wishes ...
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One thing that engages my 99 yo mother-no dementia and quite sharp-- is talking about childhood, teenage, etc memories. If I want to lift her spirits I take out her memory book and ask her about the photos/ memories. So...you might once a day record a memory of his with a specific prompt. Or just listen (or not...lol..as his wife I am sure you have heard them 100 times, if he mentions that tell him it is for posterity/ family) .
Even if she told me a memory 100 times she likes to tell 101 times. I record some of these and post on FB. A lot of my mother's disengagement is tiredness --but also hard to engage in conversation when you cannot hear. But when asked to look at her old photos (which I compiled into a memory book so easier to se and access) and asked her to describe them --eg what was it like going to college during the war? Who made these Halloween costumes? --it makes her animated and gives her sense of value and contribution.
At that age just engaging in random social activities...I think feels rather pointless and tiring to many. Busy work is fine when you are younger but when very old I think the still on-the-ball ones know they are dying soon and wonder why they should want to play cards, Bingo etc.
But leaving a legacy of some kind is not pointless. Talking about the past can be fulfilling. Maybe ask a question, record it on your phone and post on Facebook for family and show him responses. (My mother cannot even do FB now so I do have to do it for her).
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rosemore40 Nov 28, 2023
The whole idea of reviewing thIngs from the past is really a good one. I have tried that in the past as I had hoped to assemble my husband's taped memories into a book for his children, grandchildren. We got up to his college years, but he lost interest and he no longer wished to go on. I didnt use the tape recorder but asked him lots of questions about things I didnt know, and jotted them down in a book. At his 100th party, I made a very long presentation about his life based on all of this info (including exhibiting physical objects (a brick given to him when he okayed a huge loan for a hospital, a framed letter from Al Gore when he was on a governmental committee, all sorts of pictures from various parts of his life which I mounted making a huge book,)and I covered the table for all of this with a "throw" made up of family pictures his daughter had given him as a present). It made a great hit, as people didnt know many of these things I talked about, and he was very touched and proud, and made a lovely speech after his birthday cake. (He got very overcome with feeling and anxiety and could barely speak when I finished speaking). I agree with what you say about busy work and random social activities, and will find another route to the life review thing. By the way, my husband has always been interested in the study of words, and especially their Latin derivatives as he studied Latin. I recently ordered a game from PBS that consists of cards with 500 words and people "play" by coming up with the meanings of the words on the cards. We are going on a cruise for the holidays with 2 friends and I am going to take this "game" along. When I gave my husband the 3 words that advertising the game (and I couldnt answer any of them, although I understood them contextually), he answered all 3 correctly, according to the Oxford Dictionary we checked afterwards. And he was even able to point out their Latin derivatives in 2 cases. I suppose this is why I am still searching for things he might enjoy. As the old commercial said, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste... at any age.
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1. Let him sit in a rocking chair surrounded by activity.
2.He might like to go out on a wheel chair walk.
3.Do you have visiting therapy dogs?
4. Practice with a rythmn band.
5. String beads for the Christmas tree
6 Sharpen pencils
7. Snap beans for dinner
8. Husk corn for dinner
9 polish the silver ware
10. Outline his memoire book
11. Arrange flowers in a vase
12. Organize things in a drawer
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thanks for your suggestions. Doing some house tasks and organizing might appeal to him, as he has always been a very organized person. And I wouldn't mind the help. You can't imagine how many messy drawers there are in this house!!!
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rosemore40,

My first thought is books on tape or a kindle that has a voice feature. Maybe podcasts on an iPhone? If you can help with the technology, I think this might help. My dad is blind and I asked the nursing home he is in to provide one and he seems to really enjoy it.

I wish you the very best. It is hard to watch someone who is still able to engage, struggle. Just because your eyesight is failing does not mean that the idea of books should end.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thanks. I agree that the idea of books shouldn't end. I dont think a kindle would work, but definitely am planning to get headphones and books on tape.
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Cooking! It is a creative activity that can be shared and enjoyed by multiple people. It can be done in small chunks or as a larger project depending on his energy and attention. It generates lots of positive feedback. It is a chance to learn new skills. It doesn't require ability to hear well or see small details, or high level fine motor skills. It is also something that can be done solo or with someone else.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thanks for your input. Although I think cooking is a good idea --and he used to like to cook-- his hands are very shaky and I can't see him with knives, heated stove, heavy pots, etc. Unfortunately, I hate to cook and wouldn't enjoy our doing it as a project together.
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I know for a fact that sleeping a lot is not because they are tired ALL day, but because they are bored and depressed. Going through this with my 95 year old mom who moved in with us in June. The move itself was hard having to give up her independence, but she was unable to take care of herself and needed help.

She has been here a few months and I noticed she sleeps a lot some days, but other days she is fine. Her eyesight is getting worse., her hearing is terrible (TV too loud), and she can’t stand very well and can’t be far from a bathroom.

She started crying the other day. She told me she felt left out. My husband and I have conversations while in the same room with her, but she can’t hear what we are saying, she can’t hear the TV all that well and closed caption isn’t all that easy to read. She does read books still, so she at least has that. We gave her complete control of the TV (we don’t watch it much anyway). She was depressed and telling us she didn’t care to do a lot of the things she used to, when she really did care, just doesn’t want to be a burden. You have to see through that.

I have an appointment for her to get retested and get new hearing aids, she loves to enter sweepstakes, so I set up a desk with all her sweepstakes stuff on it (she just got notification that she one $1000), she was an artist and oils were her medium. I am trying to get her interested in that, but we have an eye appointment set for her to get better/stronger glasses (her eye doctor said no change, but the TV is blurry and it’s harder to read. She needs a little more magnification).

My point here is you have to help them find themselves again. They tend to just give up . She is happier for these things.

I commend you for trying to find things for him to do. I hope you can get him interested in doing something again.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 17, 2023
Have you looked into buying a voice amplifier so that she can hear your conversations?
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Would he be willing or able to listen in on Zoom meetings and discussions about topics of interest? It's at least a form of contact and engagement, Regular attendance in a Senior oriented website like Senior Planet quickly becomes at least a form of social connection. No commitment required; he can join in when it appeals to him.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thank you for your response. I dont know what Senior Planet is, but I shall definitely look into it. He isnt computer literate, but we might be able to listen in on Zoom meetings or take a course together on Zoom. Good idea....
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Ebooks with the font size scaled way up. It’s been a game changer for an elder I know.

Can you borrow a pet once a week?
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thanks, Erikka. Ebooks with the font scaled way up might work. I'm not so sure about the animal idea. I'll ask him if he would like to "babysit" for the neighbor's dog once and awhile.
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I believe in music. Find out his favorite kind, or just find music from the decades when he was growing up, and play it as loud as it takes for him to hear it.

Also, audiobooks.

Also, talk. About his old memories, any big life moments, etc.

Looking at old photos is usually good, and if there are sight issues, try a big lighted magnifier. Those are useful for many things.
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thanks, I have tried some of the things you suggested. Coincidentally, my cousin recently sent him a big lighted magnifier, which he uses to look things up in the dictionary. I like the idea of our using it to look at old photos, since he doesnt see photos very well, and cant make out faces. But he does enjoy looking at the photos.
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How about calling A Place for Mom to see if there are senior living places set up for deaf and blind.
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cwillie Nov 18, 2023
I can almost guarantee there are not.
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Age 100 is honored! Let him do what he wants, active or not.

My mother lived to be 95. She slept about 20 hours daily the last 6 months of her life.
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Maybe puzzles that incorporate interesting shapes (I just got one for my grandson that has puzzle pieces shaped like different dinosaurs), mosaics to create interesting patterns, books on tape, cooking...
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rosemore40 Nov 29, 2023
Thank you for your ideas. Interestingly, one of my husband's lifetime hobbies was making mosaic "painting," and he was quite good at it. I have them hung in my house and people think they are made by a professional. I doubt if he has the stamina to cut the tiles, grout his work, etc., but I will try to find out whether there is some simple way to go back to doing it --maybe with other (not stone) material.
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rosemore40: Perhaps he can enjoy music with increased volume.
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My experience in ‘entertaining’ very elderly people was doing a monthly ‘read aloud’ session at our local NH. I found that what I read aloud had to be short (for short attention spans) and preferably well known. These very old ladies didn’t want to ‘learn new things’, but really enjoyed hearing again things they remembered from their past but had not heard for a long time. Successes included poetry they learned in school, Bible stories they had heard as children, and also new stories if they were only three or four pages long and easy to relate to. Sometimes I talked through the words of songs from the 50s and 60s, especially if I could attempt to sing a verse or two. They remembered the tunes, and we all laughed a little about my voice! Dean Martin and Doris Day are a good start, but you know your husband's preferences.

They liked a gap after each one to think, and perhaps a little discussion about it, or a few comments from me. I read the whole of the Sermon on the Mount and what we thought about it now. I brought up the comments on divorce, with which I disagreed, but said that in those days for people who weren’t wealthy, divorcing a woman usually condemned her to destitution or prostitution. I remember well a couple of the group reacting that it was really good to be treated for once as experienced adults! However including bits of old children's books as part of the mix, is NOT treating them as children!

Perhaps it would work if you (or someone else) could read a little, then leave a gap to let DH think and reminisce, then let him drop off to sleep for a while. If he has a good idea about the story and the words (especially with poetry), he could fill in the blanks if his hearing skips a bit. It could keep the past fresh for him, and keep his mind working at a pace he would enjoy. Worth a try?
Lots of love, Margaret
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Music, records , the radio .
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Join a forum or support group for people who are vision and hearing impaired to get suggestions from them.

You can also tap into his other senses, like smell and touch. You can play a game where you put fragrant things in paper bags and ask him to smell it and identify what it might be (spices, foods, pine, soap, grass, etc), or put things in bags and ask him to reach in and feel it to see if he can figure out what it is through touch.

I grew up with 2 Aunties, one who lived to almost 101 and the other is still with us at 104 (and no real dementia, either). God bless you for going the distance with your LO!
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