Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing

7K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
1 2 3 4 5
My wife thinks I’m a trophy husband. 
Participation trophy, but still.
(3)
Report
An older husband and his trophy wife are on a hike when the sun starts to go down.

Husband: Don’t you think we should turn back?

Wife: Don’t worry I have a flashlight. Just a little further.

It starts to get darker as they enter an isolated swampy part of woods. Then the flashlight goes out.

Husband: Th-th-this is getting creepy.

Wife: You think this is scary? I have to walk out of here alone.
(2)
Report
Bundle, you are funny!
(1)
Report
We've been married for five years but it's only felt like five minutes...underwater.
(2)
Report
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
(2)
Report
🙂 The word queue is ironic.
It’s just a “q” with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line.
(4)
Report
🙂 What doesn’t kill you
disappoints me.
(3)
Report
🙂 You inspire my inner serial killer.
(2)
Report
So when is this “old enough to know better” supposed to kick in?
(4)
Report
🙂 Lying through your teeth doesn’t count as flossing.
(4)
Report
My wife and I have decided we don’t want kids.
If you’re interested, please contact us immediately to arrange dropping them off.
(3)
Report
Some husbands hold their wife’s hand in malls because if they leave her hand, she’ll go for shopping.
(2)
Report
“What the hell! Are you insane?!”

“What? Why? I thought we agreed we’re going to throw our sorrows overboard on this Caribbean cruise!”

“Yes, Roger, but that was my mother!”
(4)
Report
I helped my neighbour out with something this morning, and she said to me, "I could marry you."

I couldn't believe it...
You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.
(3)
Report
During an argument with her husband, a wife was just about to calm down.
But then her husband asked her to calm down...
(2)
Report
My wife is my Strength.
All the other women are my weakness.
(2)
Report
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
(2)
Report
Wife: If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you. 

Husband: Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?
(2)
Report
I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.
(2)
Report
What’s the world’s smallest handcuffs? Wedding rings.
(2)
Report
Scientists have finally found out what a woman wants. Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then.
(2)
Report
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, “My wife is an angel.”

The second man says, “You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”
(3)
Report
My wife said I ruined her birthday;I’m not sure how I did that, I didn’t even KNOW it was her birthday!
(2)
Report
Husband: Will you marry after I die?

Wife: No, I will live with my sister. Will you marry after I die?

Husband: No, I will also live with your sister.
(2)
Report
It’s been raining for days now and my wife seems very depressed by it. She keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let her in.
(3)
Report
Wife: I’m not talking to you.

Husband: OK.

Wife: Don’t you want to know the reason?

Husband: No, I respect & trust your decision. 🙂
(1)
Report
Wife: Suppose you hit the jackpot of 1 million in a lottery, and the same day someone kidnaps me and demands a ransom of 1 million. What will you do?

Husband: I doubt I can hit the jackpot twice in a day!! 🙂
(2)
Report
Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?

Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.
(1)
Report
Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: "Yes, dear."
(2)
Report
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
(3)
Report
1 2 3 4 5

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter