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I am the primary caretaker for my mother who is in a private independent care facility--but she is hardly independent. I have a nurse in with her Monday through Friday, but on weekends and evenings either I'm with her most of the time or a member of my family when I'm sick. Yesterday when I went to see her I discovered the facility wouldn't let me in at all--only medical personnel. My mom just got out of the hospital due to congestive heart failure and she has advancing Alzheimer's. I can't believe I can't even get in to see her.

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I am so sorry, many places have to do this for the health and safety of all.   Ask the facility, can you send them pictures of you and letters?  Can she read?
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Mom has macular degeneration. Hospitals are allowing one visitor, but in Maryland senior homes are completely shut down. The nurse assistant who is with my mom today has been to two other facilities--isn't she more likely to carry a virus than me, who has barely been around anyone?
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DianaF Mar 2020
They can take her temperature every time she arrives, have her wear gloves at work, wash hands, etc. - and probably are.
With family, they don't have that kind of control - though it's not you but others they have to worry about I'm sure.
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It is for her safety. My father's AL will only allow one visitor at a time in and you must fill out a form and basically shower with Purell. If that is what it takes, then let them do their job.
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Kim, you may be less likely to carry the virus, but at this point, with the failure to provide adequate numbers of tests, we really aren't able to progress as an allegedly first world post-industrial nation should.   And it could be that you've unknowingly been exposed to the virus, while the nurses have taken precautions.

That's not to suggest that you're not caring for yourself; it's a reflection of what resources the medical profession had, before shortages.

Can you call your mother?   Sometimes I've called the nursing station and asked for someone to help my father with the phone, especially when he was  too weak to do it himself.   

I hope that the sacrifices those with parents in care facilities make lead to safer resolutions for them in the short and long term.
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katiekat2009 Mar 2020
Why in the world would we have needed a stockpile of tests for something that didn't exist four months ago?!
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I'm so sorry to hear this and feel for you. It must be really hard.

I think what others suggested, phone and letters, are very good ideas. Perhaps they could also let her see you via skype or something? I understand they are doing it for the right reasons but perhaps they should have warned relatives before, so I wouldn't be shy, try to ask them.

Sending you and your mom lots of encouragement through this difficult time.
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Test kits are mostly irrelevant until several days after exposure or just before someone displays symptoms; studies shown many people are disease carriers before they have a fever and the antibody level in their sputum/spit is high enough for a positive test. Some people with fevers will not test positive for another 1-2 days. At least several days of the 14 day incubation/isolation period is necessary _before_ accurate tests results. That's why it's so important to restrict access to LTC facilities and keep out the people who have been exposed and are incubating the virus but are not yet symptomatic.

One documented community spread was caused when a father who "might" have been exposed through travel was instructed to self quarantine at home for 14 days decided since he wasn't feeling sick to attend his daughter's recital with his family at around day 10. His family left the recital after being informed he had tested positive during the event. Later tests showed his wife and one child were also positive (infected while he quarantined at home), and the three of them infected several people who were in attendance at the recital.

The reason medical personal are being allowed greater access than the body public is the assumption trained medical personal are more likely to follow directions than people like the father wanting to attend a recital.
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needtowashhair Mar 2020
The test that's being used is not an antibody test. That does take time to test for since you have to wait for the person to make antibodies. The test for Corona uses PCR to detect the presence of the viral DNA. It's possible that a single fragment of the virus can be multiplied until it's DNA can be detected. Just like being able to test a doorknob or a rail, no antibodies there, if you breath in a cloud of infected micro droplets that should be immediately detectable with a sinus swab. Since even though you aren't replicating virus and thus not producing antibodies for it yet, your sinuses are already full of Corona DNA you breathed in from someone else.
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Both my Mother's and my Aunt's ALFs are on lockdown.
I understand it's hard, however, it only takes one person to start a huge problem! It's not worth the risk!
Use this time as a respite.
Hang in there!
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Some NH and ALFs here in Florida are on lockdown too.
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MN facilities are on lockdown as of this week. Not sure if it is mandatory but it is the right move. If you think you want to risk bringing C19 into the NH to your mom or others, you can talk to the admin if you have "special reasons" but then they'd have to make exceptions for others. It is all new territory and the NHs are running on all cylinders. The staff will need to be thanked profusely when this eventually blows over. We are all in a similar boat, and some people have it much worse. I hope you can have peace in your heart that they are doing the best they can for their residents under very stressful conditions.
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schrederkim Mar 2020
My "special reasons" are that I'm the primary caregiver. I am not just a visitor to my mother. I help with showers, meals, cleaning, meds, and changing bandages. That was the question I posted. It isn't that I'm sad I've been cut off from my mother, but that I do more than the nurses I have coming in to help with her.
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I would think sending mail would be dangerous to because coronavirus could be on the mail. I wonder if they spray the mail w disinfectant.
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Arwen31 Mar 2020
I've had the same doubt about letters, or anything entering the house, really. I eventually thought to wash with hot water and soap everything washable and for letters, boxes and non-washable items they are out of the door or in a box for a 9 days quarantine. I hope this will be enough. More than this, I'll die from stress before than from the virus.
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I live in Wisconsin, in a suburb of Madison. A coworker's mom is at an assisted living facility that is not allowing any visitors. The mom doesn't remember how to use the phone, so the coworker feels really cut off from her mom.
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Xenajada, I work for the post office. Nobody is spraying the mail. We have a sign at our time clock that says KEEP CALM and WASH YOUR HANDS!
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https://www.npr.org/2020/03/14/815778420/son-talks-about-89-year-old-dads-recovery-from-covid-19

You might find this article interesting regarding an 89 yr old survivor of covid-19 in Washington.
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My son lives in NYC. Mayor Diblasio wants to shut down the whole city. Shut everything down.
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DianaF Mar 2020
Not the subways and buses yet tho in NYC. And not grocery stores, pharmacies, etc.
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The mayor of Illinois is closing all bars and restaurants.
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Watch CNN, they will tell you what is closing down.
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By now the entire USA is affected by shut downs of various kinds. The MC where I work as well as my mother's MC is not allowing visitors at all; only medical and essential personnel at this point.

We, as a country, are trying to 'flatten the curve' by keeping this virus from hitting everyone at once. Check out this article to gain a better understanding of the intent behind social distancing in situations such as we're facing:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/world/corona-simulator/?fbclid=IwAR3__I7HldG2ZBaUwGHdDuhUjlnFbHUyErFaCQRgB9sIHmxPYsukY62JO2o

We certainly do not want to carry this virus into the elder care communities, so most people are fine with taking a break from visiting their loved ones. It can be hard, but no harder than trying to save their lives once the virus hits them!

Good luck
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DianaF Mar 2020
And it's not just to protect the elders - it's also to protect the staff who are taking care of them.
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We are affected here in MD,, even the libraries are shut down now. All schools and senior centers,, now casinos and next will be restaurants and bars like NYC. Our hospitals are limiting visitors to one each,, others can not even be in the hospital. It is hard for families but probably needed right now
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the governor of California just asked all bars and wineries to close closing But not restaurants. He is also telling people 65 and older to stay home. Starbucks in my city is “grab & go” only, no sitting inside or out anymore, you can get your drink but have to leave. The grocery store in my parents small town just announced that they are only letting in 25 people at a time.

i went to Costco today, on a Sunday and was surprised it wasn’t that crowded and feel like I won the lottery because I got 2 cases of water!! If I had gotten my hands on some TP I would have ran out and bought a lottery ticket LOL!

All schools in my county are closed until 3/31 at least. All care facilities are locked down, no visitors. Can’t get in to the ER without first going in to white tents in the hospital parking lot first. The city has closed the libraries and rec centers. I believe the police department is closing the lobby starting tomorrow. All sports have been postponed.
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California just instituted anyone over 65 is to stay at home. I would make it clear to the care center that you are on weekend acting as really a caregiver for your Mom in place of the hired ones on weekdays. There are exceptions being made by need, at end of life, and etc.
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worriedinCali Mar 2020
They asked people over 65 to stay home. It’s not a requirement. People 65 and over are still free to leave their houses.
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My mother’s nursing home shut down to visitors starting Friday. I just had the sweetest phone call from my mother who is used to getting daily visitors. She asked me to sing “I’m a Little Teapot”, a song that I entertained family and guests with when I was very small. Of course, I obliged. I asked her if she knew why nobody had come to see her, and she said, “Oh, yeah. The virus.” I told her that they were keeping her safe from it.

I am confused by all this though. I understand that this is a new virus which is little understood and which is highly contagious, but so far this season in the US, the regular flu has caused over 12,000 deaths compared to 63 for covid-19. 12,000! According to the CDC, there were over 35,000 deaths in the US during the 2018-2019 flu season. Globally, the flu causes up to 650,000 deaths annually. Why don’t we have the shutdowns and quarantines for regular flu season? Do we just accept that there will be this high death rate for our garden variety flu? If anything, I suspect the covid-19 measures are going to provide a huge reduction in influenza deaths world-wide.
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lealonnie1 Mar 2020
After the first case of covid-19, the disease caused by the new strain of coronavirus, was announced in the US, reports of further infections trickled in slowly. Two months later, that trickle has turned into a steady current. This 'exponential curve' is what has experts worried. If the number of cases were to continue to double every 3 days, there would be approximately 100 million cases in the US by May. This is why there are shut downs and social distancing going on right now........to slow the spread and avoid a run on hospitals and resources by so many of us potentially getting sick at the same time.

If you look at this link, it's explained fully:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/world/corona-simulator/?fbclid=IwAR3__I7HldG2ZBaUwGHdDuhUjlnFbHUyErFaCQRgB9sIHmxPYsukY62JO2o
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I've lost track of the shutdowns  in my state, but they don't affect me anyway.    They're for public places, gatherings, etc., but so far don't seem to affect very small businesses.  

I did receive an automated call this evening from one of the county execs advising of a phone call session tomorrow addressing safety and care for elderly people (which includes me even though I don't always consider myself in that category).

Apparently it's some type of county wide phone call-in and/or advice section.   I will call, but I suspect that most of the questions will reflect situations already addressed, or raise issues that can't be answered such as length of shutdowns.

Still, I'm impressed that the county is reaching out to the older folks in this area.   Thus far the elected officials in my state seem to be very proactive.
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TreeArtist, your mother sounds like a real sweetheart!
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I’m in NY and on Sunday’s I still visit the NH my Mom was in to see her old roommate. It closed down to visitors 3 days ago. Their policy was that unless the resident is “actively dying” or very extenuating circumstances, visitors can not enter. Then Friday the governor shut down all NY NH to visitors, with the same a exceptions. When I went today to drop off the goodies I usually bring on sundays to Moms roommate, the head nurse was stationed at the door, taking temps of all the staff entering the building. I knew I couldn’t go in, so I handed over the large bag and thanked them all for keeping everyone safe. We don’t have any confirmed cases in our county yet, and I hope we don’t. I am impressed with our governor and local responses.
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gladimhere Mar 2020
Same here, governor has shut down all assisted living and nursing homes to visitors except in the case of end of life.
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Most are on lockdown here in Utah. No one in or out is really the responsible thing to do for the residents right now.
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Midkid58 Mar 2020
Was going to reply about Utah, but you beat me to it.
Other than being sane and not freaking out--we just need to wash out hands and practice social distancing--which, for me has been easy, I've been semi-quarantined for 9 months due to chemotherapy induced immunosuppression.

We only have, what, 9 cases? And all of those are people who came into the state with the virus.

I think our kids will be back in school April 1st. If not, OK we ride the wave.

My mom is 90 and housebound. She will miss her one day out for Bingo.

This quarantine puts everything in a different perspective, doesn't it? My family is handling it with humor and it's helping.

Sad for my son who is in the Seattle area and they are completely locked down. He's working from home with his 4 kids who are all on 'distance learning'. and their Nanny just quit (boo hoo!) His wife is a dr and still is working---and probably will through the whole thing.
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My University has just cancelled all classes for next week and is trying to find a way to finish the term through remote lessons.

As of yesterday nursing homes in BC were allowing one family member in to visit. My former mil has her birthday on St Patrick's Day and I had planned to surprise her with her first great grandson for a visit. It is not safe for either of them, so I will send a card.
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gladimhere Mar 2020
My son works at a college. He spent the weekend getting staff authorized and agreements signed to work from home. It is a school that does a track system. Each track a few weeks long and students take one class only per track. Seventh track will be all online, evaluating eighth.
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Our governor recently announced that he wants anyone over the age of 60 to voluntarily self quarantine. I am 64, hubby is 65.

Tons of cancellations of events, school closures, graduation ceremonies cancelled, limiting number of people in public places such as restaurants and bars, etc. Earlier closing of bars and restaurants too. Our zoo closed, museums are closed and Sanger Theatre closing too.

We are going to take a hit. We rely on tourism. Travel is not going to occur during this virus outbreak.
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In New York City the Mayor announced all schools, bars and restaurants to close. Restaurants will be limited to takeout and food delivery.
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pamzimmrrt Mar 2020
Here in MD too, as of today.
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Elaine,

It’s starting to feel like a freakin sci-fi novel or movie, right? I get the safety aspect but it’s a strange feeling.
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I know, right Needhelpwithmom? It does feel like a sci-fi movie. My son is 32 and lives in NYC so he will miss going to bars and restaurants with his friends. I am in Upstate NY and they are closing schools this week but haven’t closed bars or restaurants. We haven’t had anybody who tested positive for the virus in my county, YET. Hopefully we will have a vaccine soon and with the warm weather coming maybe the virus will disappear. I’m just hoping.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2020
I just checked an update on my area, Louisiana, 104 positive cases, 2 deaths.

Places that traditionally stay open 24/7 like Cafe Du Monde on Decatur Street will be closing at 9:00 P.M. Guess I better not crave any coffee and beignets late, huh?

All restaurants and bars will be closing early. Oh man, this will hurt a lot of business owners.

Safety comes first but I feel for the businesses. Sad.
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